[justdesserts]

My t and I have a very good connection and excellent, important conversations, but while we're talking, everything is in my head. I can name my feelings (angry, hurt, etc.), but I can't feel them until after our time is up and I'm getting in my car to go home, and then it's like all the emotion of the session bubbles up and I get overwhelmed and start crying and feeling everything we talked about. I'd much rather feel my feelings in session when I can receive support with them. Things used to be different--I used to be able to feel. I don't know what changed or why. Does anyone have any advice or similar experiences?

I have felt like this at times when it seemed there was more distance between us, or that I imagined she was being distant and cool. If I sense that someone is pulling back, I pull back 10 times farther. Experiencing the feelings (as with you) come later, when I'm alone.

I have no way of knowing if this is what's happening with you, but if it is maybe you can talk to her about feeling distant. It could be that she's going through a rough time of her own and it's changed something in your sessions. It's hard to know. It may not be about you at all.

[ThisWayOut]

What you described is close to the norm for me. If I can describe the feelings, I'm not feeling them. But that's how I've always been. I also need to feel safe enough with the therapist to be able to feel in the moment.
I haven't got any advice, but I can certainly relate.

[Soccer mom]

I can relate too. I'm not very emotional in session but that night and the next day it all comes out. I'm interested to see what everyone says.

[dj315]

I've had some major issues with that. I don't actually feel all that much (except anxious ) until after I leave. One week I started bawling literally as soon as his office door shut after I left. I don't know if this relates to you or anything, but for me the problem is the fact that I've controlled my emotions in front of people for so long that I've become unable to actually access and express most of my feelings unless I'm by myself. This could just be a part of my personality too of course. I just do better processing things by myself for a while and then talking it out instead of just talking it out as I'm working through it. This makes therapy a little bit more complicated for me because I don't get to talk through some of the problems that come up during the session until the next week because I didn't have access to them until the session was over. That sounds crazy, I know. I wish I had advice, but I'm just as clueless.

I would definitely take the emotions/problems that arise as you work through after sessions and talk about them at your next one with your T. That's what I do a lot of the time, and it helps things clear up a little bit. My T has recently started asking me towards the end of sessions if there is anything I would regret not telling him as soon as I walked out the door because I've become notorious for that recently. It helps a little bit even though sometimes I can't control what emotions decide to rear their ugly heads after my session is over and I'm alone. I completely relate to the fact that I wish I could fully deal with them during session where I can actually get support with them.

[Soccer mom]

Dj315, you've described me!!! Are we siblings? I have also suppressed my emotions for so long. You described it really well. My biggest clue is if I don't want to leave. Then I know I'll have a hard time. 2 sessions ago my T asked at the end how I thought my week would go. She asked if I was upset or mad. I said no just sad but I'm not sure why. Then I realized and said "oh stupid attachment". She smiled. I think I'm going to ask her to do that every session. Maybe she can help me identify feelings if I can't at the time.

[ragsnfeathers]

I'm like this, too. It's not so much that I feel strongly in between sessions (usually) but that if something comes up I often don't realize it enough to verbalize it till later. Not just with therapy. My ex-T, in our dying days, had a habit of denying the interactions I brought up the following week had happened so I made a huge effort to slow down and be more aware in the moment, experienced some success, and am slowly doing this more. Next I'm to try this with feelings. Just periodically stop and go into myself and ask myself if I'm feeling anything. We'll see.

[MindfulMoment]

Justdesserts I have exactly the same issue, except unlike you I've never really been able to access my feelings until after session. with my current T. Could it be that your T is not asking enough questions to get you to feel, rather than to think? Has their questioning style changed? With my last T we used to start off in the body so to speak and then get into the thoughts and cognitive distortions etc, working the opposite way just caused me to block my feelings, as my logical left brain was in the drivers seat. I've discussed this response with my T and all she does is remind me that I'm safe with her to experience anything, but I still haven't been able to solve the problem (possibly, also on some level because I'm afraid of needing someone to support me in this way). It's usually helpful to explore these things directly with T because they may have more insight into the issue. If you do and you do have any breakthroughs be sure to update, I'd like to learn how to feel in session as well.

[JustShakey]

You know, I suspect I'm getting better at feeling in T because I've stopped trying to quantify and name what I'm feeling (more because I'm too distracted to bother than anything else). Last week T asked me toward the end of session what I was feeling and to rate it on a scale from 1-10. I just stopped dead and sat there with my mouth hanging open. I realized I had no idea how to answer. I was all: 'I'm feeling... STOP ASKING ME HARD QUESTIONS!!!!'

[Restin]

I have this problem in therapy when I'm feeling some closeness to T. T says I pull a blank and don't know what to say, because in early childhood there was no intimacy. I don't know what that is, so there are no memories or experience to draw on, and no words in my vocabulary. So, T explained that one purpose of therapy is to provide me with that closeness and affection to fill in the blank spaces in my mind and to integrate a balanced emotional system inside. It won't make me a dependent wimp but instead will grow strength and maturity in my self.