[Raging Quiet]

I have been worrying about this all night and it's now 5am in the UK.

I can't physically get to my t anymore, so today I have to say goodbye. I will miss her so much but I've thought long and hard and there are no other options as the worry of getting to her and seeing her and not being able to go outside my home with all my issues is not good for my mental health whilst heavily pregnant.

9 years is a hell of a long time. T doesn't know this is the last session, although I suspect she is aware on some level. She is now retired and seeing about 2 clients at the moment. I'm sure it's her turn to rest from me to.

I feel like I am losing a friend that no one else knows about.

I feel like I will need to grieve in some way. I just needed to record this somewhere.

[jaynedough]

((((((( Raging Quiet)))))))

[anilam]

IDK what to say- is there stg we could do to try to persuade you to at least think about it? If not, I do hope your T will be able to help you. You do need her, now more than ever.

[JaneTennison1]

Why not wait until post pregnancy to terminate altogether? You could use this session to discuss options.

[rainbow8]

I'm so sorry, Raging. Do you think your T would let you keep in touch via email? Nine years IS a long time! I know it isn't usual, but perhaps your T would come to you instead? I remember my T once telling me she had to leave on time to " make a house call." Maybe you will feel differently after the baby is born and can resume sessions. But you will be very busy then!

[SnakeCharmer]

Raging Quiet, I've followed your posts for quite a while about your retired T still seeing you and your not knowing exactly if that was okay and now about how difficult it is for you to get out.

I have no way of knowing your T's intentions. From what you've said in the past, it sounded as if she was making a special effort to support you through your pregnancy, almost more as a friend or elder supporter than a more formal T type arrangement, considering that she'd retired. Have you asked her directly if she has any plans or ability to see you in the future after your baby is born and you've settled into the hectic routine of new motherhood?

You may need or want some extra support in a few months time as you adjust to your knew life as a mother. Have you thought about taking a break during these last months of your pregnancy and first months of motherhood rather than doing a full termination? It seems like that might be something worth talking about.

I wish you and your baby the best, with good health and happiness.

[Raging Quiet]

Well, I did it. I said goodbye.

She said I could visit her with baby when it's born. She gave me a hug and waved me off at the front door. I am trying not to cry. I suddenly feel so incredibly alone, not in a dramatic way, just that I've lost a mother figure in my life. She doesn't do home visits but she wished me good luck.

I feel I've lost something.

I'm so sorry. Thats so hard.