Yeessss back to T today! Most of the session was talking about the pain of the break. T trying to explain to me that though its hard its working.

I asked why am I in therapy? I mean why don't I live life "normal" ? She tried to explain how I've built defenses to not need people and most of them over the yrs have been self destructive, but cover with the illusion that they are helping me.

Then I remembered how desperate I was when I first arrived at therapy. With visions of green monsters coming out of my head, but still I said, I find when your not here, that I am thrown back to those times. Hard, struggle, pain!

She agreed but also pointed out that the old defenses no longer work as well for me now and though new ways of coping haven't been internalised yet, she feels that I do use her to help me think better.

I agreed with that, but said I can hear your voice, think how I think you'd think but I still miss "you" She said "yes, your still at the stage where you need me to help you. I liked hearing that, validation!

Of course now I feel balanced yet again! feel full of new hope again. Feel the return of that inner strenght and passion that was dripping away as the break went on.

At the start of session, I told her I didn't want to come incase she smirked as if the break and been a punishment she has set up for me, but by the end of the session I asked her If I could stay there forever LOL!

Oh well, keep on trudging I guess.

[SecretGarden]

Hurray.....



excellent job Mouse. Welcome home.... You make me smile in many ways. (Good ways.... and empathetic ways.)

Good for you..... back on track... and all that schtuff.

[withit]

Good for you, Mouse!

BTW, you mention "the return of inner strength and passion that was dripping away as the break went on.." This comment struck a cord within me and I'm interested in some insight. What is it about consistently seeing one's therapist that gives us strength and vitality? what is is about not seeing one's therapist that makes us feel so depressively hopeless and anxious?
The reason I ask is because I have recently begun to see a new t and she's suggested I consider medication for my depression/rage. I told her it's not an option at this time, as I've tried meds in the past and they were not at all helpful in terms of relieving the depression. For me, having a trusting relationship and being able to connect consistently within that trusting relationship, is what helps to relieve the depression. Thing is, because our relationship hasn't yet developed I am not able to reap the benefits.....
Which reminds me of this: my friend tells me there's a song from the Beatles (I'm unfamiliar with it, but if you are this may ring a bell), something about one's friend is one's medication.
When I have a trusting working relationship with my therapist I consider that my medication!
Do others feel similarly?

[lauren_helene]

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mouse_ said:
Yeessss back to T today! Most of the session was talking about the pain of the break. T trying to explain to me that though its hard its working.

I asked why am I in therapy? I mean why don't I live life "normal" ? She tried to explain how I've built defenses to not need people and most of them over the yrs have been self destructive, but cover with the illusion that they are helping me.

Then I remembered how desperate I was when I first arrived at therapy. With visions of green monsters coming out of my head, but still I said, I find when your not here, that I am thrown back to those times. Hard, struggle, pain!

She agreed but also pointed out that the old defenses no longer work as well for me now and though new ways of coping haven't been internalised yet, she feels that I do use her to help me think better.

I agreed with that, but said I can hear your voice, think how I think you'd think but I still miss "you" She said "yes, your still at the stage where you need me to help you. I liked hearing that, validation!

Of course now I feel balanced yet again! feel full of new hope again. Feel the return of that inner strenght and passion that was dripping away as the break went on.

At the start of session, I told her I didn't want to come incase she smirked as if the break and been a punishment she has set up for me, but by the end of the session I asked her If I could stay there forever LOL!

Oh well, keep on trudging I guess.

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Good for you Mouse! You and your T handled your concerns perfectly!

[Soidhonia]

Hello MOUSE.
It is good to hear you say something positive about your sessions, it is almost like a soap opera you never know what will happen next, and you have to see what you have posted after your appointments with your therapist. I am glad things are going well for you at this time MOUSE> Take care and good day. Soidhonia

Withit, I guess its someone showing us that we are worth it, thats what gives me the courage to keep on. I think for "normal" folk, this was internalised at an age appropriate time, though our need to be acknowledged by others is always there.

When I'm away from T, though I Have a wonderful husband and children, I still need that someone that "cherishes" me and wants nothing from me. Thats what T once said regarding a theraputic relationship, its different because the T isnt there needing to take anything from us. But I guess somewhere in her personal life she has had or still has a source for her own self.

Oh and that Beatles lyric isn't familiar to me either.

[SecretGarden]

I feel that if I do not produce in therapy ... he may let me go. It is stressful...as there are many boundaries to be taken down. I think this is probably more self imposed.....

You made it Mouse! I love the feeling of being with T after the withdrawals, lol.

[withit]

I've seen my t today and as happens on such days I tend to 'think' a lot. So I've been thinking about the depressive state I'm in and how 'disempowered' I have been feeling lately. And what about being in a trusting therapeutic relationship is 'empowering'? That when we do not have it for some time we feel our vitality slowly slipping away?
Mouse, I think you're onto something when you say that our need to be acknowledged is always there. And by someone who wants nothing from us. I believe this insight is the answer to my question about why a break in therapy makes for the slipping away of our strength....Something about the therapist allowing for our space, for us to be and exist, without her/him imposing their own personal agendas (hopefully, if they've done their own inner work...) makes for a more energized client. I guess it's empowering to talk to someone and be heard and listened to. Makes sense?

Yay mouse!!!

I'm so glad she's back for you. And that you two talked about the separation and how hard it was for you. She sounds so wonderful and caring and accepting!

I understand the wanting to stay there forever and I'm glad you said that to her! . ...(...."and if not", I would say, " then could I go home with you?")

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Of course now I feel balanced yet again! feel full of new hope again. Feel the return of that inner strenght and passion that was dripping away as the break went on.

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Yes! I love this.... and worry about it at the same time.... but mostly I just love it!

Keep on trudging AND singing, mouise!

ECHOES

withit, i like that.

i don't take meds either. I did for years but wanted to try without them since I got depressed anyway.

I much prefer the T to any med I've been on!

[Perna]

Mouse, I married my husband partly because I leaned against his chest and asked him if I could stay "there" forever and he answered, "yes." :-) I was never brave enough to ask my T that.

Good job "making it." :-)