Termination

My parents suggested to me today that my next therapy session should be my last. I'm not quite sure how I feel about this. On the one hand, I have been seeing him since November, which is quite a while, and since I'll be finishing school soon it sort of makes sense to finish them both at the same time. Plus, sometimes I wonder if I use being in therapy as an excuse to see myself as "crazy" or "different" from other people, and if I stop going I won't have that any more.

On the other hand, though, I still don't know if I'm "cured"...I don't see myself as "normal". But then, does anyone? What is "normal", how do you define a "normal" person? Is it possible to reach a point in therapy when you're sure you've worked through everything, and you know you can no longer consider yourself depressed/bipolar/anorexic etc?

Maybe I'm scared to be like everyone else. Maybe I want to be "special". I don't know.

((((((((((((Rio))))))))))))))

I think it has to be YOUR decision, not your parents. Talk to your T, discuss it with them, but ultimately it's your choice as I see it.

(((((Canders))))) Thanks. My parents are the ones paying the sessions, but I do think it should be my decision as well...only I can't decide! I don't see my therapist for another two weeks - I might email him before then, see what he thinks. He did say a few sessions ago that he thought the end was in sight.

Rio,

Do you know why you feel like you are different?

EJ

Rio,

It takes more than just one goodye to end therapy. The first time I was in therapy we planned the termination months in advance. Did you discuss this with your therapist? Did your parents discuss it with your therapist? See if your parents can give you an extra week to process this information so you can discuss it in session. Good luck.

Rio, I agree with sister. You need more warning to terminate in order that it not be so wrenching for you and so you can come to closure with your progress, goals, saying good-bye, etc.

I think the questions about being "normal" and "cured" are good ones to discuss with your T.

Does your T ever talk with your parents? Maybe it would be good for you and your T to have a chat with them about your treatment goals and timeline, AFTER you have discussed this with your T privately.

My daughter, a minor, is in counseling right now, but everything between her and the counselor is confidential. If I thought she was not benefiting anymore from counseling, I would first ask her what she thought, and then the counselor.

I also think this should be between you and your therapist. And no one should have to stop abuptly, that's so hard! It should be talked about for a few sessions at least before ending. That is just my opinion and what I would want.

You have a lot of questions and concerns that could be sorted out in therapy; also finishing school is a time of adjustment and therapy can help with that.

If you don't want to end, tell your parents you don't want to and tell your therapist what is going on so you and he can talk about it and about when therapy should end.

You are of course special!

I would work on terminating for more than "next session should be your last." I would consider my T's thoughts and opinions as well as my own and my parents. Contrary to what your parents may be thinking, your T isn't automatically thinking to keep you as long as "possible" for the money it generates or some other T-type :-) reason.

A second thought is that, because you have the stress of finishing with school, you may want to extend therapy a couple sessions for the encouragement and structure of having a "bridge" to life after school. Having a couple major things happening at once, even if they're good thing, is still stressful so I would stagger them.

EJ711, that's a good question. My therapist has asked me before, and I couldn't think of an answer. I guess it's because I never feel properly part of a group. When I'm with people, I sometimes feel like I'm just an extra, and it wouldn't matter if I wasn't there. Also, I don't have that much in common with most of the people I know.

Thanks for replying.

Thanks for replying, sister. I did wonder if it was normal to end therapy so suddenly! I haven't had a chance to discuss it with my therapist - I don't see him until the 26th, and I haven't got round to emailing him yet...I'm not sure what to say, to be honest. My parents haven't discussed it with my therapist, either. I have a feeling that my dad wouldn't be too happy if my therapist says I'm not ready to terminate - I don't think he trusts therapists much. Thanks.

Hi Rio,

I can tell you my dad doesn't believe in therapy. He went once with my mother (she was cheating) and the therapist tried to tell my dad that he had some responsibility in her going outside the marriage.

My dad had a fit and left. He's been sour ever since. Have your parents ever been in therapy and had a bad experience?

I agree with the rest of the posters. Hopefully you can terminate slowly or at least on your terms.

Thanks for replying, sunrise. You have a point there - it came as a bit of a shock to me, I'm not sure if I can face leaving so suddenly.

That's a good idea! I'll see if I can bring it up next session. (If I manage to email him, it might be an idea to mention it then, actually.)

He doesn't talk with my parents - he's never even seen my mum before, I don't think, and he's only seen dad when he's come to pick me up. To be honest, I'm not sure if dad would listen - like I said to sister, I don't think he trusts therapists that much.

Thanks for replying, ECHOES. It is a bit sudden! I need to email him, but I don't want to sound rude by talking about finishing.

Those are both good points. I think one of the problems with keeping therapy up after finishing school is that I'm supposed to be finding a summer job, and I don't know if I'd be able to fit sessions in with the hours I'd have to work, especially as I have a few other things on in the evenings as well. Sometimes the dates of sessions are a bit unpredictable, although I've managed to have the same time for the past month or two.

I'll try and do that. I didn't say when they suggested it that I wasn't sure if ending it was what I wanted, which was a bit stupid of me.

Thanks. My dad's response when I said I didn't think I'd be able to do sales work as a summer job was "what's wrong with you? You're normal, you're not special, anyone can do work like that"...I'm hoping that's not how he meant it to sound!

Thanks for replying, Perna. Like I said to Canders, my therapist did say a while ago that he thought the end was in sight, but he didn't give a number of sessions. I think that's probably exactly what my parents, or at least my dad (I get the feeling that this is more dad's idea than mum's) are thinking.

That's a point. I know I found having my last violin concert in my violin teacher's string group hard, and I've been going to school longer than I've been going to that. As I said to ECHOES, though, it might be hard fitting therapy in with this summer job I'm supposed to be getting...although of course I don't know what my hours will be if I manage to find a job.

Thanks for replying, almeda24fan. That's a shame your dad doesn't believe in therapy. I don't think either of my parents have been in therapy (although there are some relatives on my mum's side who have been on antidepressants, and my mum's best friend had therapy for a few years), but apparantly my gran on my dad's side was dead against therapy (she got offended when someone suggested it to her after grampa died), so that might be where dad gets it from.

Thanks.

I would ask you how YOU feel about discontinuing therapy. Is there more for you to learn?

If you are worried about fitting therapy in to your busy schedule then perhaps it is not a priority for you. Perhaps YOU are ready to fly.

Is the job and the job hours your idea or your parents?

In order to benefit and grow from therapy .. you need to have or create time for it to be a priority or it will not be productive.

It is not a bad thing that it is not a priority... Perhaps you are done with it... at least for now.

What do YOU think?

Thanks for replying, SecretGarden. As others have suggested, I think talking about the points I raised in my first post would be a good idea, and also I still need to learn how to deal with seeing certain news stories, I think.

The job is my parents' idea, and the hours will probably be whoever's going to be my boss's idea, I guess. I don't know if I'll be able to be too picky about when I work.

Rio... I may be off base but you sound depressed. Are you? Talk to your T and see what happens. Good luck.

Do I? I know I haven't been feeling that great for the past few days, but I've done a depression questionnaire twice in therapy and neither time did I score highly enough on it to have even mild depression. Thanks anyway, though.

Okey dokey... just checking in. What do I know anyhow... really. Sometimes if I have not been feeling well it translates. Also, I suppose I do not need to look at a scale to know that I am depressed. Perhaps you are fine... and that was presumptious of me. I think that I would just encourage you to share your feelings about leaving therapy, leaving school, starting a new job... These are all big things not to be guaged by your parents of a depression chart. Can you get in touch with your feelings? WIshing you well as you move along...

It's ok, don't worry about it. Thanks for your concern! You're right, I probably should do that. And I still need to email my therapist...

Rio, You sound like you are giving this a lot of balanced thought. Maybe you just need a while away from therapy and see how that pan's out? Sometimes we need time to let ourselves catch up with ourselves?

I agree with Mouse...

Thanks for replying, mouse. You might be right, I could discuss that with him.