[laxer12]

I've been seeing T for almost 4 months now and I have yet to cry even though I have started to tear up a couple times. I know not everyone cries or needs to but I just feel like it would help me learn how to express myself in front of other people. I don't want to have to force myself to cry but at the same time I feel like it needs to happen...

[ThisWayOut]

I can relate to feeling like crying in front of T would be somewhat liberating. I have yet to actually do it. The closest I got was crying over the phone with a previous T...
4 months isn't all that long in the grand scheme of things. Perhaps you could talk with T about your inability to cry in front of her. Maybe talking about it would bring about either some relief, or enable you to feel more comfortable with the concept of crying with her?
What do you think crying in T would do for you? Is it a comfort-level thing? release?soemthing else?
I know I go through periods of time where I wish I could feel safe enough to cry around a T and get comfort just by being in the presence of a caring other. But like I said, the closest I've come had been crying while on the phone with T...

Hope you can get to a point of being able cry in T.

[laxer12]

Maybe I'll talk to T about it this week. That's probably a better option than trying to force myself to cry or trying to only talk about things that make me sad.

I think crying would help break down any barrier that I unconsciously put up between T and I, allowing me to open up even more. I've only broken down while talking to someone once in my whole life so it's not something I'm good at.
I also think I need to in order to fully process some childhood trauma that I went through. I don't always want to talk about it because I think I've moved on but I still think about it a lot so it clearly hasn't been fully resolved.

[ThisWayOut]

unless you are in time-limited therapy, I don't think there is much of a rush on it. Trust and being vulnerable can take quite a while (I average 4-6 months before I begin to think about trusting a T). I think the barriers will come down eventually as you feel safer with T. I've found forcing the openness actually brough me much more anxiety. I tried with my current T, and I couldn't actually speak even when I tried...
Give it time. It'll come.

[Soccer mom]

I too want to cry and have told my T. I've come close but it hasn't happened after 10 months. I finally figured out I want to because of one reason related to my childhood. I wasn't allowed to cry. I would be sent to my room because my parents thought I was trying to get out of being in trouble. I want the response that my mom should have given me: caring words, comfort, affection, soothing. I told my T this (not those details). I also want to break down my barrier of preventing myself from crying in front of others.
Maybe one day....

[rainbow8]

I want to cry very badly with my T but in 5 years it hasn't happened. I never cried, ever, in 20 years of therapy with different Ts. I feel close to my T but the tears don't come. Sometimes my T asks me what the tears would be saying. I like that question.

[healed84]

I have been with my T for three years and I have choked up once and cried briefly recently. The only times it happens is when I am feeling so overwhelmed with anxiety and or other thoughts that I can't help myself. I have cried while talking to my son's T..I happened to be having an overwhelming day and on top of that having major anxiety.. T and I have talked about it. He says that I am not doing therapy wrong for not crying with him, but it is a good thing to examine at some point to figure out why tears haven't come out when talking about certain things. It might be a sign that I am still holding back emotions related to trauma, etc.

Crying isn't always the only way to express yourself.

Could you set up an extra session, a cry-session with your therapist? Just a suggestion. It did work for me.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by therapyworked4me

Could you set up an extra session, a cry-session with your therapist? Just a suggestion. It did work for me.

How did that help you to cry? I would be trying too hard and can't cry on demand.

[StressedMess]

I can't think of any reason I would be willing to cry in front of someone. T saw me cry once, that was so debasing and humiliating for me. I cry when I get so angry and frustrated and feel impotent and powerless and am deeply ashamed. Not a series of feelings I want to experience, especially with witnesses.

I have huge issues feeling and expressing emotions, but I have to keep a tight reign on myself or I feel puny and weak. Being in control outweighs touchy-feely for me.

[Partless]

Originally Posted by _Mouse

Crying isn't always the only way to express yourself.

This is important point. For a while I was so upset that I could not cry during therapy. I had done so once, almost sobbing uncontrollably, and then I had felt I got better, like this was this special thing that made it all good again. But then I realized it was not so. So I tried to cry again but it wouldn't come. It took me a while to realize that I can still express pain, anger, hopelessness, without having to cry.

Cry when you feel like crying. Don't force it, it just adds pain on top of pain, makes you frustrated that you're unable to express yourself in this particular way.

It really does take time. 4 months is not long at all, you will learn to cry.

[stopdog]

I have seen two of them weekly for about 4.5 years and I have not cried. I don't want to do so because I cannot imagine any benefit to me in doing so, but I just mean that time wise - 4 months is not all that long.

I cry easily, but it does absolutely no good. I don't feel better for it. It doesn't even interrupt my talking.

I guess what I'm saying is that if crying is important to you, I hope it does what you need. And I agree about the four months. That's not very long.

[doyoutrustme]

I think you may be putting too much pressure on your self to cry. Just focus on the therapy, let the tears come when they may.

[NowhereUSA]

It took me a long, long time to cry. I've seen my T now for six years. I don't remember when I first shed some tears, but I'm pretty sure it was longer than a year. Even then, it was just some minor crying. This past year is the first time I've actually *sobbed* in front of him. Like, I broke down and started sobbing uncontrollably for ten minutes in emotional agony.

I'd wanted to cry for a long time, but I've trained myself not to cry in front of people. It takes me feeling extremely safe before I can do that. The only other people I can do that with are my husband and my best friend.