[baseline]

I have been seeing the same therapist for a year now. He has been very helpful and I can see the effects of our work together and so can my family and friends. Our sessions are now every two weeks. Sometimes I wish it were weekly but I would be too ashamed to ask. Anyway, after a year you would think the awkwardness of being called into the office and talking would get easier. It goes like this: He comes out to the general waiting area and either gestures or says my name to come in. I hand over bill receipt, I sit down, he says so how are things. This never changes. I feel so weird about it. Does anyone feel the same way? I then have to articulate two weeks of my issues or experiences. I usually prepare before I go so I don't waste his time. Now we are working on some trauma and past memories but this week as I was sharing a memory I became upset and got tearful. He said, "you don't have to do this, share. It is your choice." I am so confused, first he said if we talk about things slowly it would help and now I don't have to. So then what?? I AM SO CONFUSED!!!Maybe its time to end therapy. Maybe I'm becoming to attached and reliant on him. Can someone please help with thoughts or ideas on how I can communicate and accept help better. I'm sorry for being scattered it is just so much!!! Was wondering how others communicate in therapy and will this shame of needing therapy ever go away. thanks

[pbutton]

The thing about sessions every 2 weeks reminds me of myself, back in this thread. http://forums.psychcentral.com/psych...ducate-me.html

Once I got established with weekly sessions, it started getting easier for me to share. I started to feel more like I fit in. Not that I'm completely comfortable with it yet.

[guilloche]

I agree with Pbutton... I started out every other week too. It was actually really good for me initially, because I really wasn't sure that I wanted to be in therapy, and wasn't sure about my therapist (or "that guy!" as I thought of him! )

Weekly starts to feel like a normal pattern, like part of your week, and gives you more time to get used to each other, and less time to try to remember the feeling of being cared about and connected. With two weeks, it felt impossible to hold on to any image or memory of my T. It's still been tough with 1 week, but... I'm getting there. Slowly.

So, I'd say first off - go ahead and talk to him about getting a weekly session. You have absolutely NOTHING to be ashamed of, as weekly is pretty standard for most folks. Heck, some people go multiple times a week! I think it can only help you!

Second, I think you need to get some clarification from him on what he meant when he said that you don't have to do this. What was he trying to say? I think that we, out here in the digital world, can guess, but it would be best to find out what he was thinking. I've had a LOT of experiences where I've thought somebody (T or someone else) meant something, and when I asked them, I found out they meant something totally different.

This is also pretty normal (in my experience) therapy conversation, so nothing to worry about or be uncomfortable with! He'll probably welcome the chance to explain (if he remembers, after 2 weeks, my T doesn't tend to remember things he was saying! Yikes!)

My *guess*, if I had to make one, was that he was concerned that you were pushing yourself too hard, that you were in a bad place and re-traumatizing yourself by pushing forward (maybe?). Maybe he wanted to make sure that you feel in control, and that you can choose how much to share.

Does he have experience dealing with trauma? That might be a good thing to check with him before you go too much farther... just to be sure that he feels competent to help you with the bigger stuff.

As far as communicating better in therapy... I *wish* I knew. I think, especially with trauma-issues, our brains just shut down or get overwhelmed easily. I was trying to talk to my T last week about something that a) he already knows about! and b) doesn't feel like a big deal to me. And I literally could not. Couldn't get the words out. We even tried some grounding exercises (we tossed a ball back and forth, fun!) which helped me feel present and comfortable, for about 3 seconds, until we tried talking again and my entire brain just *shut down* and refused to generate language.

I can not tell you how much this sucked, and how frustrating it is. But I have a sneaking suspicion that maybe it's part of the process... and that we just need to be patient, and keep showing up and doing the work? I hope so anyway!

Good luck, and for the record, it doesn't sound like it's time to quit yet, to me at least!

[stopdog]

I do not believe clients ever waste the time of the therapist. Clients pay for the therapist's time. A client can waste what they paid for - but the therapist does not enter into it.

It could be that he was just talking in the moment, as in you don't have to talk about this right now. If that's what he meant, it was clumsy, but not dismissive. Mine will usually qualify it with "now" (in other words, stop now and go back to it later). There's really no benefit in pushing yourself, even if it feels like it.

[LonesomeTonight]

It's OK to get tearful. I cry more often than not in each session with T (pretty sure I cried the entire last session, to the point that she had to get another box of tissues!) Yet I still sometimes apologize for crying, which I know is silly. It should be a place where you feel safe to let your emotions out.

And the starting with "how are things?" or "How have you been?" is fairly common--it lets them get a sense of how you're feeling then, how your last week or two has been, etc. I tend to just say "OK" or "Tired," then she may ask more questions. I'd echo what a few others have said and suggest going weekly, at least for a bit. I think it's easier when you just have a week to recap. The thing is, too, you don't necessarily need to talk about the past week. You could just say, "You know, I was really thinking about x that we talked about last time. Could we go back to that?"

[baseline]

Originally Posted by pbutton

The thing about sessions every 2 weeks reminds me of myself, back in this thread. http://forums.psychcentral.com/psych...ducate-me.html

Once I got established with weekly sessions, it started getting easier for me to share. I started to feel more like I fit in. Not that I'm completely comfortable with it yet.

Thanks button, I read your thread. It was very helpful! We do sound similar. That is why I'm here so that I can learn how to do this thing called therapy! I don't think I can ask for weekly sessions. I also have trouble asking for what i need. Fear of rejection and abandonment is prevalent. I admire him and he is very professional and I am ashamed of my vulnerability and need of him. Should I tell him this?

[baseline]

Originally Posted by guilloche

I agree with Pbutton... I started out every other week too. It was actually really good for me initially, because I really wasn't sure that I wanted to be in therapy, and wasn't sure about my therapist (or "that guy!" as I thought of him! )

Weekly starts to feel like a normal pattern, like part of your week, and gives you more time to get used to each other, and less time to try to remember the feeling of being cared about and connected. With two weeks, it felt impossible to hold on to any image or memory of my T. It's still been tough with 1 week, but... I'm getting there. Slowly.

So, I'd say first off - go ahead and talk to him about getting a weekly session. You have absolutely NOTHING to be ashamed of, as weekly is pretty standard for most folks. Heck, some people go multiple times a week! I think it can only help you!

Second, I think you need to get some clarification from him on what he meant when he said that you don't have to do this. What was he trying to say? I think that we, out here in the digital world, can guess, but it would be best to find out what he was thinking. I've had a LOT of experiences where I've thought somebody (T or someone else) meant something, and when I asked them, I found out they meant something totally different.

This is also pretty normal (in my experience) therapy conversation, so nothing to worry about or be uncomfortable with! He'll probably welcome the chance to explain (if he remembers, after 2 weeks, my T doesn't tend to remember things he was saying! Yikes!)

My *guess*, if I had to make one, was that he was concerned that you were pushing yourself too hard, that you were in a bad place and re-traumatizing yourself by pushing forward (maybe?). Maybe he wanted to make sure that you feel in control, and that you can choose how much to share.

Does he have experience dealing with trauma? That might be a good thing to check with him before you go too much farther... just to be sure that he feels competent to help you with the bigger stuff.

As far as communicating better in therapy... I *wish* I knew. I think, especially with trauma-issues, our brains just shut down or get overwhelmed easily. I was trying to talk to my T last week about something that a) he already knows about! and b) doesn't feel like a big deal to me. And I literally could not. Couldn't get the words out. We even tried some grounding exercises (we tossed a ball back and forth, fun!) which helped me feel present and comfortable, for about 3 seconds, until we tried talking again and my entire brain just *shut down* and refused to generate language.

I can not tell you how much this sucked, and how frustrating it is. But I have a sneaking suspicion that maybe it's part of the process... and that we just need to be patient, and keep showing up and doing the work? I hope so anyway!

Good luck, and for the record, it doesn't sound like it's time to quit yet, to me at least!

Thank you Guilloche, I appreciate your help and insight.I am ashamed for stuck on some issues. I guess I waited too long to finally get help and I am frustrated that I leave his office with so many unresolved issues. I feel like I should be over things. Guilty for being depressed. Ashamed of my anxiety and past. He knows more about my history than my husband. I have 30 plus years of crap saved inside of my head I guess a year of therapy is not enough. I will try to bring up weekly sessions but what if he thinks I'm too needy. OMG I'm a mess!!!

[baseline]

Originally Posted by licketysplit

It could be that he was just talking in the moment, as in you don't have to talk about this right now. If that's what he meant, it was clumsy, but not dismissive. Mine will usually qualify it with "now" (in other words, stop now and go back to it later). There's really no benefit in pushing yourself, even if it feels like it.

Yes Lickety-split, that's it I felt dismissed. That is probably why I felt so bad. I couldn't wrap my head around what I was supposed to do. Talk about it not talk about it. I will have to write this down for next session. I am trying really hard to make connections with my thoughts and feelings. I should ask him to clarify in those moments. thank you!

[baseline]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

It's OK to get tearful. I cry more often than not in each session with T (pretty sure I cried the entire last session, to the point that she had to get another box of tissues!) Yet I still sometimes apologize for crying, which I know is silly. It should be a place where you feel safe to let your emotions out.

And the starting with "how are things?" or "How have you been?" is fairly common--it lets them get a sense of how you're feeling then, how your last week or two has been, etc. I tend to just say "OK" or "Tired," then she may ask more questions. I'd echo what a few others have said and suggest going weekly, at least for a bit. I think it's easier when you just have a week to recap. The thing is, too, you don't necessarily need to talk about the past week. You could just say, "You know, I was really thinking about x that we talked about last time. Could we go back to that?"

Thanks Lonesome, The pain I feel with recalling and admitting my past is overwhelming so I tend to cry too. When he asks so How is it going I wonder if he really cares. People always ask how are you. aren't we required to say fine.? I feel like I should be saying fine or good but in reality I'm far from it! I am afraid he will think I'm not trying to get better. I thank u for your advice and will try to utilize it when I go back.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by baseline

Thanks Lonesome, The pain I feel with recalling and admitting my past is overwhelming so I tend to cry too. When he asks so How is it going I wonder if he really cares. People always ask how are you. aren't we required to say fine.? I feel like I should be saying fine or good but in reality I'm far from it! I am afraid he will think I'm not trying to get better. I thank u for your advice and will try to utilize it when I go back.

Glad my advice was helpful! I think your T asking how you're doing is different from, say, a coworker or acquaintance asking you. The T really wants to know.

I know what you mean about being expected to say "Fine" though. When I was a kid and at my pediatrician for a sick visit, he would say, "How are you?" and I'd always be like, "Fine!" Then he'd say, jokingly, "So why are you here?"