[grimtopaz]

And how did they reply?

[JaneTennison1]

I haven't asked her but she has told me indirectly when responding to some issues I had. I don't think she'd have had any issue if I did ask her.

I never asked her directly because I seen photos in her room of her and her family. When u told her I had feelings for her she disclosed that she was he triggered sexual and in a relationship.
Are you thinking of asking your t?

Never had the need to.

[stopdog]

Yes and they answered the question (in the mid 80s - it seems as though it might have been a bigger deal to be out then-real danger of being fired from jobs, beat up by cops etc). For me, I wanted to know if they were straight - were they going to get weird because I am not and if gay - I wanted to be prepared in case I ran into them in the community (which was not, at the time, very large). I don't think it is as often something a straight client thinks about.

[ragsnfeathers]

Mine said he's gay on his website. Working with the gay community is one of his listed specialties.

[brillskep]

I didn't but after a few months of therapy he mentioned his girlfriend, and he always used to talk about the importance of monogamy in the beginning, so ... that's enough info for me.

Nope. None of my business, and it has no bearing on my therapy.

No, never asked. Before she moved though, when she was telling me she was moving, I recall she said something about there being a man involved. So I suppose she is straight. It doesn't really make a difference to me or my therapy. Now, I might have asked if she had reacted any way other than she did when I first told her I'm bisexual. She's never treated that any differently than anything else I've told her. It's all about how I feel about stuff.

[Partless]

I asked twice and both of them dodged the question and made it about me, like "Why do you want to know?" or "How would it affect our relationship?" And eventually, "I think it's best we stay focused on your issues and help you get better." I felt humiliated for asking. So now I don't ask. I had thought that since they knew so much personal intimate stuff about me, I could learn just a few things about them but I guess I keep forgetting therapy is not like friendship, it's a one way street, a pro and a patient, one talks, one listens, one pays, one gets paid, etc.

[ThisWayOut]

I've never asked, but like stopdog, once a T mentioned it because we would likely run into eachother in the community.
Other T's I've found out indirectly because they mentioned an s/o.
It doesn't really mean much for my therapy unless the T is openly homophobic.

[JustShakey]

Well, I didn't ask, but when I shared my sexuality, he shared his. (He's straight, I'm bisexual)

[divine1966]

Mine is married to man and has two children I don't see a need to ask. In general asking people of their sexual orientation is rude

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[Rive.]

No, it's none of my business really.

i haven't but i can pretty much tell that she's straight. she has a wedding ring. at least i think it's a wedding ring, idk because it might be a handmedown ring or something.

That somebody is married or engaged or otherwise together with somebody of the opposite sex doesn't actually tell you anything about their orientation. (I still think it is irrelevant information to have about my T, for me personally, and I would think it inappropriate for me to ask, even if I did want to know.)

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Mastodon

That somebody is married or engaged or otherwise together with somebody of the opposite sex doesn't actually tell you anything about their orientation. (I still think it is irrelevant information to have about my T, for me personally, and I would think it inappropriate for me to ask, even if I did want to know.)

I agree it doesn't. But I don't envision asking my 65-year old married therapist "what's your sexual orientation", kind of rude and inappropriate question all in itself regardless

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[msjblonde]

Originally Posted by Partless

I asked twice and both of them dodged the question and made it about me, like "Why do you want to know?" or "How would it affect our relationship?" And eventually, "I think it's best we stay focused on your issues and help you get better." I felt humiliated for asking. So now I don't ask. I had thought that since they knew so much personal intimate stuff about me, I could learn just a few things about them but I guess I keep forgetting therapy is not like friendship, it's a one way street, a pro and a patient, one talks, one listens, one pays, one gets paid, etc.

I'm struggling with this very thing with my own T right now. Not the sexual orientation thing because that really wouldn't make a jot of difference but the rest of it I think really does. I've come to realise that knowing exactly nothing about mine other than her name has really caused some roadblocks, I'm continuously having issues learning to trust someone who can make me feel I'm not deserving enough to know even the smallest of detail about them. I'm struggling to share the deepest most painful parts of myself with someone I know nothing about. And yet on the other hand I have somehow become so very attached to this non person and that in itself causes pain.

Your t making you feel humiliated for asking something about them? I can't see how in the world that can ever aid the therapeutic relationship.

To answer the OPs question, I haven't asked she wouldn't tell me, she wears a wedding ring so I assume from that she has a partner which could be of either gender.

[Seeking_Peace]

My T does not wear a wedding ring but I saw he has "Sports Illustrated" added on his Google-Plus so I assume he's straight. T does not have any personal pictures in the office.

I have never asked ANYONE what their sexual orientation is and don't plan on doing it which includes my T. What gender he finds attractive has nothing to do with me or my reasons for seeing him. As few others mentioned, I find this question to be very rude and inappropriate.

[JaneTennison1]

For me it wasn't important to know if she were gay or straight, just that she be LGBT friendly. A thing which is hard to find in my small town.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by JaneTennison1

For me it wasn't important to know if she were gay or straight, just that she be LGBT friendly. A thing which is hard to find in my small town.

I told my t that my daughter is bi sexual and that she lived with her female partner for 4 years and now is with s man (it was within a context as overall it is no issue for me) she just stared at me and said not a single word and now I think she might not be friendly with that topic hhhhmm.

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[Kazzie]

I actually asked my T after about 3 months. I chose her because she was advertised as being LGBT friendly. She did ask me if it would make any difference to me in our work together if she wasn't but after discussing that she just smiled and said, 'Well let's just say I'm straight but not narrow' and that gender had never been an issue for her in her personal life. I know that technically it was none of my business but it made it easier for me to open up to her knowing that she understood on a more personal level how I live. It's the same reason I chose a female T over a male.

I have not. I'd be embarrassed to ask.

[WrkNPrgress]

I wish I could but it would only be for my own personal curiosity. She's shown no bias against me and discussion of my relationship. If she's not at least bi, she's amazingly gay friendly.

[Partless]

Originally Posted by msjblonde

I'm struggling with this very thing with my own T right now. Not the sexual orientation thing because that really wouldn't make a jot of difference but the rest of it I think really does. I've come to realise that knowing exactly nothing about mine other than her name has really caused some roadblocks, I'm continuously having issues learning to trust someone who can make me feel I'm not deserving enough to know even the smallest of detail about them. I'm struggling to share the deepest most painful parts of myself with someone I know nothing about. And yet on the other hand I have somehow become so very attached to this non person and that in itself causes pain.

Your t making you feel humiliated for asking something about them? I can't see how in the world that can ever aid the therapeutic relationship.

To answer the OPs question, I haven't asked she wouldn't tell me, she wears a wedding ring so I assume from that she has a partner which could be of either gender.

msjblonde, yes, I agree. You touch on important issues and they've been brought up here a number of times because I think many of us struggle with sharing so much with someone who has barely shared anything with us. How intimacy and trust "normally" develops is based on mutual sharing of more and more personal stuff with the other person, more intimate details, as we gain their trust (and they gain ours).

This is a central issue for me. Even in my friendships, I've been reluctant to share about me. Because of my relationship with mom (with whom I had a stronger intimacy than with dad who was more distant), who would gain my trust and be so loving and supportive but then when a certain mood would come over her she would tell stuff to dad or others, I have become extra cautious and little paranoid about these things. It's been to the point that my friends would say, directly or indirectly, that the relationship is not going anywhere f I'm not gonna share more.

So it's very difficult with a therapist. I keep worrying about misuse of what I tell them, getting manipulated, and essentially hate my powerless position. When my therapist would say that we are equal, I would laugh at that, in my head. Equal how? My therapist has a big file on me and knows most intimate things about me and my family. What I know about her can't even fill half a page. Information is power.

It used to be argued that a therapist needs to be a blank slate. But some therapists, especially nowadays, don't buy into that anymore. Yet those very people won't share much with you either. To me that's for them to protect themselves, not because it's therapeutic for the patient. If real mutual connection is what's therapeutic, let's have it. Tell me enough, and slowly more, as we earn each other's trust.

But since this is not going to happen, given that therapy is a professional service and follows rules that are not just about what's therapeutic (there are legal, ethical, practical concerns too), we have to find a way to trust them without knowing much about them. And that's a challenge, especially with a therapist who is ultra cautious in sharing anything at all, and worse, makes you feel bad for wondering about it, being curious, or wanting to learn more about the very person who is asking you to trust them with everything.