Last session with my old T on Monday.... :(

I decided to make a session with my old T for a last session. I haven't seen her since January because I went inpatient and was forced to go to a new T after getting out. Once I turned 18 I decided that I have the right to see her one more time and I am okay with starting with someone new. I feel a little sad about this session, but at the same time I am indifferent. She is just a professional, and yes, I had a special type of relationship with her, but it was bound to happen sooner or later. I probably will keep in contact with her with emails 1-2x a year. Sometimes I wish that I could be friends with her, but she's 50 and even though I have a few close friends in her age group or higher, I doubt she would want to be friends. Plus, my mom isn't fond of her at all, like I could say it is close to hating.

I don't know I am having such mixed emotions about this transition that it is making me feel numb. It will probably hit me in our session Monday and I can see myself crying, and I have never cried in front of her. I can also see myself acting like life is awesome and I am doing great transitioning to this new, naive and annoying T. I really hope she gives me a long hug. I had a dream that we were having our session and she taught me how to dance (I have no idea why because I am a decent dancer lol), gave me a long hug, and kissed my forehead. We drew, she gave me her number so that we could keep in light contact, and we went for a small walk. This dream felt so real, it was weird, but I loved it. She would never do any of those except a quick hug and I would never want those things to happen, but the dream was nice and it actually helped me heal. I am just worried that this session will leave me empty, or won't fulfill me. I don't really know what I am looking for, but I just want a genuine good-bye, because I have never been able to have one in my life. I don't know where I am going with this thread, I just need to let this out because my mind needed to organize itself.

If anyone wants to share their stories of leaving a T, I would appreciate it.

Thanks for reading.

I understand your mixed feelings. I guess I have feelings about people that have helped me cross a raging river.

Since it is a professional relationship, it might be appropriate to ask what the goal of therapy was and what you accomplished in therapy.

And what else is left to accomplish in the next situation.

Email contact would be nice, but some T's discourage contact after therapy is over.

I would write a letter of gratitude thanking them for what they did accomplish and how they helped you. Appreciation can be a scarce commodity. One letter of appreciation can outweigh all the hopeless patients they must face each day.

A big thank you sounds like a mature way to end one phase and begin another.

(((((((secretgalaxy)))))))) i hope it ends up being a special time for both of you; and that the session does help you with getting that genuine goodbye you are seeking

I hope you have a decent ending. I haven't had a decent ending yet with any of them.

Thanks for the ideas to talk about in the session!

Thankfully, my T told me she is okay with emails and even okay with yearly visits just to say hi, but I don't think that I can go that far.

I will definitely show her how much I appreciate her in this session, and hopefully in the next few weeks I can write a letter as well.

So far I am proud of myself in how I am taking this. It really does show how much I have matured from just 5 years ago, haha.

Good luck with it, i'm sure it will go fine. It will be very hard, i still can't imagine a last session with my T. You're taking it really well, good for you

All the best

So my T and I had a great session! She is leaving her doors open and would love to keep in contact with me! Yay! We basically just caught up on things and discussed what the future holds etc. I forgot to thank her for all she did and I don't know how I did that... I guess because it didn't feel like I was quitting at all. I will definitely send her an email expressing how much I appreciate her work and what she did for me. She is such a great T, and I will miss her, but it's not that hard knowing that she is just an email away.