It's been three long agonising weeks since I disclosed my feeling for t. It was a horrible session as some of you may recall. I decided to go back again this week. I brought up my feelings again and she said sorry what feelings? I was in shock, I am unsure whether she completely forgot or whether she wants me to say it all over again. It was hard enough the first time.
Also she has text me late at night asking to change our app s, when she could have just text me the next day. She texts me every week asking to change times. I feel like either I am going crazy or else she is. Sometimes it feels like she needs an excise just to text me.

[Lauliza]

I would be surprised if your T was purposely making you repeat yourself, that sounds cruel. I would prod more to find out if she forgot by reminding her you spoke on your last session about your feelings about her and it was difficult. Even ask her outright if she remembers what you talked about. Sometimes when a long stretch has gone betwen appointments therapists need to be reminded about what you covered. She sounds disorganized as I think this is something she'd write in her notes. The late texts regarding scheduling is not that weird if she uses texting frequently for this type of thing. If something comes up last minute she might text you right away so she doesn't forget.

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

It's been three long agonising weeks since I disclosed my feeling for t. It was a horrible session as some of you may recall. I decided to go back again this week. I brought up my feelings again and she said sorry what feelings? I was in shock, I am unsure whether she completely forgot or whether she wants me to say it all over again. It was hard enough the first time.
Also she has text me late at night asking to change our app s, when she could have just text me the next day. She texts me every week asking to change times. I feel like either I am going crazy or else she is. Sometimes it feels like she needs an excise just to text me.

Was she clarifying to make exactly sure that you were referring to the feelings you'd discussed three weeks ago and not other feelings? If not that is incomprehensible how she could have forgotten. it must have taken a lot of courage and strength to keep going with her, does she realise this? I think the late night texts and constantly changing the time is questionable. I felt emotion whenever I received a communication from my T, I would have found this hard. My ex-T, for all her faults never ever changed the time or missed a session.

Have you decided whether or not to keep going with your T?

[stopdog]

I think some of them just don't remember anything. The first one I see remembers nothing from week to week. I doubt she remembers my name unless she checks her appointment book. The second one I see is much better at remembering.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I think some of them just don't remember anything. The first one I see remembers nothing from week to week. I doubt she remembers my name unless she checks her appointment book. The second one I see is much better at remembering.

I agree. Mine asks same questions over and over. She is older perhaps that's why. Or maybe she wants me to repeat same thing?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

It might be just harmless forgetting, or she might have wanted you to repeat yourself. I really have no clue.

[Middlemarcher]

This sounds really crazy-making, Mona. Is your T older, or showing any other signs of memory issues? I know you said she called you by the wrong name in another recent session.

[unaluna]

How much do they expect you to do your own therapy, since you are in school? Like does she expect you to come in with an analysis of what your feelings mean, tell her how you would react if a client said that to you, etc?

Originally Posted by Brown Owl

Was she clarifying to make exactly sure that you were referring to the feelings you'd discussed three weeks ago and not other feelings? If not that is incomprehensible how she could have forgotten. it must have taken a lot of courage and strength to keep going with her, does she realise this? I think the late night texts and constantly changing the time is questionable. I felt emotion whenever I received a communication from my T, I would have found this hard. My ex-T, for all her faults never ever changed the time or missed a session.

Have you decided whether or not to keep going with your T?

I think she wants me to actually say the words again. As if it wasn't painful enough the first time. I think she gets some pleasure out of hearing me say the words. She has never actually said it must be difficult for me to say this, only that she really felt for me the last few weeks because I couldn't talk.
I really feel confused over the texts, it's really increased in the last few weeks too, I am conflicted because I want contact with her , my feelings are in turmoil, but I don't want to have to keep changing my times. I am wondering if she has even considered how this must be for me to have her text after I disclosed my feelings.
I haven't decided on staying with her or leaving, I am conflicted about this too because she has been really good for me this year and everyone has noticed the changes in me.. despite her flaws she has been really good.

Stop dog, I shouldn't be laughing about your t forgetting because it is quite heartbreaking to have to repeat your story over and over

Originally Posted by Middlemarcher

This sounds really crazy-making, Mona. Is your T older, or showing any other signs of memory issues? I know you said she called you by the wrong name in another recent session.

She is not that old, early fifties. It never occurred to me that maybe her memory is going. This would explain the changing times and the name calling. She is sharp as a whip usually. She has never forgotten anything and in fact has a better memory than me and even reminds me of things that happened that I mentioned. She never forgets anything.

No she doesn't expect that Hankster. It's still very much my therapy and school is separate. I know myself that I will be able to help a client with these feelings because I have a good understanding of them, it's a shame I have never been able to work through them with a t yet. I don't know what she expects from me anymore. I think all ts are crazy, myself included.

[Middlemarcher]

Whatever is going on, I'm sorry that things are so rough right now.

[JustShakey]

(((Mona)))
You know, the stbx would literally forget things he couldn't handle. Not pretend he didn't remember, but actually forget, like it never happened. It was quite bizarre at times. Anyhoo, just throwing that out there.
From what you post I think your therapy is unhealthy and you need a new T, but I also know how hard it is to sever those ties.

[Bipolarchic14]

Has she remembered detail from previous sessions? If so, she is messing with you.

Originally Posted by Bipolarchic14

Has she remembered detail from previous sessions? If so, she is messing with you.

She remembers everything, this is why this is bizarre. Perhaps she is messing with me and it's working. I am not even sure what's happening anymore...t used to be the best, consistent, challenging and so compassionate and now she tries to wind me up. I still love her though and I can't leave

[JustShakey]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

I still love her though and I can't leave

^^^^^
You're going to be a T Mona. You want to know how many times you're going to hear some variant of this from DV survivors? How are you going to help them leave if you can't do it yourself? You are going to be a T.

[stopdog]

I don't think therapists have to be able to do themselves everything clients want assistance with. They have to keep their stuff away from it - but I don't think they have to be able to do it. But I don't think therapists are necessarily any less prone to living screwed up lives then their clients - they just have to be aware of it so they don't put it on the client.

[JustShakey]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I don't think therapists have to be able to do themselves everything clients want assistance with. They have to keep their stuff away from it - but I don't think they have to be able to do it. But I don't think therapists are necessarily any less prone to living screwed up lives then their clients - they just have to be aware of it so they don't put it on the client.

Yes and no. But not being able to face one's own stuff and deal with it is going to lead to problems with genuineness. The T is going to have to 'hide' part of themselves and the client will feel the distance there.
This kind of distance, AFAIKS, is what Mona is currently dealing with with her T.

Originally Posted by JustShakey

^^^^^
You're going to be a T Mona. You want to know how many times you're going to hear some variant of this from DV survivors? How are you going to help them leave if you can't do it yourself? You are going to be a T.

What is a DV survivor?

Originally Posted by JustShakey

Yes and no. But not being able to face one's own stuff and deal with it is going to lead to problems with genuineness. The T is going to have to 'hide' part of themselves and the client will feel the distance there.
This kind of distance, AFAIKS, is what Mona is currently dealing with with her T.

Also what is AFAIKS? I am a little confused about these abbreviations before I answer

Originally Posted by stopdog

I don't think therapists have to be able to do themselves everything clients want assistance with. They have to keep their stuff away from it - but I don't think they have to be able to do it. But I don't think therapists are necessarily any less prone to living screwed up lives then their clients - they just have to be aware of it so they don't put it on the client.

Clients don't need to be able to Stop dog . You are right, they just need to be able assist somebody along the way by trying to really understand what they are struggling with. Also ts need to keep their own stuff out and awareness is key to that.

Awhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Domestic violence??? Sorry but we don't use these abbreviations in our every day talk over here

[JustShakey]

Yeah, domestic violence. I'm not yet a month out of the DV shelter - I lived there for five months, so I'm über-sensitive to statements like 'I can't leave because I love him/her'. Abusive relationships crush your soul, to the point where you cannot help anyone, not even yourself, not even your own children. Ask me how I know...

AFAIK-as far as I know
AFAICS- as far as I can see.

Eta: I owe my getting out to my T. That's kind of where I'm coming from when I tell you you're going to be a T. One day it might be you who is in the position to give a woman her life back.

[JustShakey]

Argh, hit the wrong button!

[Bipolarchic14]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

She remembers everything, this is why this is bizarre. Perhaps she is messing with me and it's working. I am not even sure what's happening anymore...t used to be the best, consistent, challenging and so compassionate and now she tries to wind me up. I still love her though and I can't leave

I have admitted attachment to my therapist to you before and erotic transference. I had a point when I felt the same way you did. I could not imagine leaving. It took months for me to accept her for what she is, my therapist, a professional I pay to help me straighten out my life. So though I am still with her, I will know when I feel comfortable enough for my therapy to end. Even with my transference, I stay focused on why I am there and I remind myself each time we have a great session, that she is simply doing her job. This has helped me immensely with my transferences. Do you still focus on why you are there? Do you have some defined goals?