[photogirl13]

Today in my session with my therapist, he pulled out an e-cigarette and started smoking it in front of me without asking me. As he started doing that, he also seemed to get more relaxed, leaned more deeply into his chair, and started inching his legs towards me. The whole thing made me feel really uncomfortable because he didn't seem to ask me about any of it. Is this appropriate behavior for a therapist, and if not, what should I do about it?

[divine1966]

Smoked during session? Really? Isn't it smoke free facility? Are you in the US?

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[musinglizzy]

Appropriate? NO WAY. Although e-cigs don't follow the same laws as cigarettes do, so they are often not included in the "smoke free facility" status. Because it's vapor, not smoke. Although some places are banning them just like real cigs. This is NOT a T I would spend any more than one final termination session with. Very disrespectful, unprofessional, and inappropriate IMHO.

Originally Posted by photogirl13

Today in my session with my therapist, he pulled out an e-cigarette and started smoking it in front of me without asking me. As he started doing that, he also seemed to get more relaxed, leaned more deeply into his chair, and started inching his legs towards me. The whole thing made me feel really uncomfortable because he didn't seem to ask me about any of it. Is this appropriate behavior for a therapist, and if not, what should I do about it?

I've got an image of Freud. Perhaps just go with it? :-)

Ask him if he has an oral fixation? Just kidding! I don't think any of it sounds appropriate. I live in an area where lots of people smoke, and I have noticed that smokers don't seem to consider e-cigs to be "real" cigs. To me, they're still a nuisance because they give off a smelly vapor. Do you feel like you can ask him not to smoke if it it happens again?

[acceptance]

Start coughing or look uncomfortable...he may ask does this bother u?

[musinglizzy]

Something tells me the OP probably DID look uncomfortable through that...

[StressedMess]

Nicotine or herbs?

[NowhereUSA]

Uh.

Totally inappropriate. Hope you haven't been with this T long because that alone is enough to make me think, "Yeah, you need a new T."

That's totally unprofessional.

[pearlys]

I find it very strange. Im kinda paranoid so when my T behaves in a different way I always think he wants to test my reaction. I might in this case think: maybe he wants to test if I can be assertive and ask him if he minds not smoking. But thats my way of thinking. I dont know what you think.

[stopdog]

I figure it is the therapist's office and they can do what they want - my decision is whether to put up with it or not after talking to the therapist about the situation. I would not care about smoking one way or the other, but did not want to go when the woman's dog was there. If the dog had been there from the beginning, I would have found a different therapist. The dog was only there on certain days - so I made sure not to have an appointment when the dog was going to be there.
I would have said something if it bothered me. Is the bothering physical (don't like being around smoke) or just the idea that the therapist was satisfying their desire or need for oral comfort during the appointment?

[unhappydaze]

Lighting up without so much as a "do you mind if I..?" That's incredibly rude, in my opinion.

Originally Posted by photogirl13

started inching his legs towards me. The whole thing made me feel really uncomfortable

Intentional or not, the fact that it made you uncomfortable is in my opinion useful information. The spidey-sense is sometimes wholly without basis, but more often than not there's something to it.

Those of us with depression learn about cognitive distortions, how depression deceives our minds into lying to us, etc. This info is invaluable to me, but it's sometimes unhelpful in that it causes me to doubt my own thoughts and intuitions and assume they're groundless when they are not. Surely this unbiased professional (or wise relative or whomever) must be right and I must be wrong, I'll think.

But the fact is, *everybody* is subject to cognitive distortions, self deception, and the like. The main difference between me and my relatives and other well-meaning people is that I'm constantly on the lookout for my distorted thinking, whereas they usually are unfamiliar with the concept (or if they are, tend to assume it doesn't happen to them). And why would they? If they aren't mental health professionals they'd never have any reason to question their thoughts and feelings.

This lack of awareness surely applies to a small but non-zero percentage of mental health professionals. Whether your therapist did the leg thing intentionally or not is immaterial. While it's possible your mind played a trick on you - his leg didn't really move closer, you just thought it did - I think it's unlikely. I think it's more likely it really did move, and you therefore have reason to be suspicious.

I'm not a mental health professional. Nor am I female so I don't know what it's like for a woman in that situation. That said, here's my suggestion: If this therapist is really good, you feel like he's helping, everything's fine except for this one incident - get a second opinion. Run this by another therapist, or your psychiatrist if you have on. If this therapist isn't all that great or you don't feel he's helping very much, just move on and be done with it.

I apologize for going on so long. I've tried hard not to be overly opinionated and offensive, but I sometimes miss the mark, and if anyone is offended the fault is almost certainly mine.

[LonesomeTonight]

Yeah, that seems kinda weird, both the smoking and the legs thing. Seems like he was making himself just a little *too* comfortable! Maybe next session you could mention that the smoking made you uncomfortable. Yes, an ecig isn't the same as a regular cigarette, but it seems kinda different when it's your T smoking it during your session (as opposed to, say, being out with a friend at a restaurant). Like he could have at least been like, "Do you mind?"

[Coco3]

I think it's very inappropriate and disrespectful too. Your T should be focussed on you, instead of giving in to his needs.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

Take out a pipe and light that up if he does it again - just kidding.

I would be uncomfortable with a e-cig toting T.

No, that is not appropriate.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I figure it is the therapist's office and they can do what they want - my decision is whether to put up with it or not after talking to the therapist about the situation. I would not care about smoking one way or the other, but did not want to go when the woman's dog was there. If the dog had been there from the beginning, I would have found a different therapist. The dog was only there on certain days - so I made sure not to have an appointment when the dog was going to be there.
I would have said something if it bothered me. Is the bothering physical (don't like being around smoke) or just the idea that the therapist was satisfying their desire or need for oral comfort during the appointment?

He might be smoking due to nicotine addiction not satisfying oral comfort. Many switched to electronic cigarettes as they have to quit but have hard time beating their addiction and electronic cigarette isn't as bad for you

Not an excuse for his incredible rudeness. Just saying

Funny though how non smokers jump into discussion about "oral" fixations etc while smokers or former smokers would simply think he smokes because he needs his intake lol oral comfort never even crossed my mind



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[stopdog]

Who said I was not a current or a former smoker? Plus for plain nicotine, there are patches and gum.
Further, I am not as always grimly serious as interpreted.

I don't see it as particulalry rude as it was in the therapist's domain rather than a neutral zone or a place belonging to the client. but I also don't see it as something a client has to endure if they don't want to.

[pearlys]

Originally Posted by stopdog

Who said I was not a current or a former smoker? Plus for plain nicotine, there are patches and gum.
Further, I am not as always grimly serious as interpreted.

I don't see it as particulalry rude as it was in the therapist's domain rather than a nuetral zone or a place belonging to the client. but I also don't see it as something a client has to endure if they don't want to.

I dont see it completely as a therapists "domein". The patient needs te feel comfortable and safe and not feeling threatened or provoced. At least I would have asked do you mind if I smoke a vapor.

I dont know for which reason photogirl is going to this therapist. If there are avoidance or other assertiveness issues, then my paranoid thought might be right and he is testing if you can be assertive and express what you feel about his behavior.

[stopdog]

I am all for the OP tellling the therapist she did not like it and seeing if they can negotiate an arrangement that works for her.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by stopdog

Who said I was not a current or a former smoker? Plus for plain nicotine, there are patches and gum.
Further, I am not as always grimly serious as interpreted.

I don't see it as particulalry rude as it was in the therapist's domain rather than a neutral zone or a place belonging to the client. but I also don't see it as something a client has to endure if they don't want to.

I do think it is rude to smoke in the presence of another person without asking them. Especially if they are your paid clients but even if not. AlsoIt kind of stops being just a therapist domain when a client is there for their appointment for which either they themselves or their insurance paid for. Therapist is there to provide service to a client. When the client leaves then of course it is just therapist domain.

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[stopdog]

I just see it differently about the rudeness and domain. But I do agree a client does not have to put up with it and can tell the therapist they don't like it or can leave and find a new one.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

I also think that a T's clients are by definition vulnerable to at least some degree and T's should be punctilious in doing nothing to make the client uncomfortable.

[divine1966]

I wouldn't advice to switch therapists based on just one incident. Addressing it is much better option in my opinion.

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Ah, inappropriate, definitely. Disrespectful, oh yes. It is a work meeting. Not a break time smoking session. He's not there to relax. He's there to work with you for which by the way he is being paid.