[Ad Intra]

Not like love or being your bff, but they care about you and your life.

[musinglizzy]

She tells me. She also shows me by checking in here and there...by Email or text. And I can tell by her demeanor during sessions. I know she cares.

". . . cares for you." is such a broad thing. It's so individual.

In my world, I know that my therapist "likes me" and she "cares" that I begin to feel better and heal emotionally. But I'm not under any misconception that if something was to happen in her life (ie. she decided to retire, someone in her family got ill or she had to close her practice because she was moving away) that she'd entertain any lasting thoughts about whether or not I'd be "okay". She'd terminate our sessions in a professional way, giving me referrals. But when all is said and done, I pay her a fee to work with me, she likes me and wants to help me, but I don't play an important part in her private/personal life. I'm a client and I sincerely want it to stay that way.

i asked my T straight up and she told me she did. that's all i need.

[laxer12]

This is a good question and one that I've been thinking about myself...

I know my T cares about me in session because she listens very carefully, encourages me, provides support, and wants to see me grow. I would like to think that she cares about me as a person outside of our 1 hour sessions but I honestly don't know because she is not one to explicitly say it. She sets good boundaries but it would be nice to hear from her that she cares and maybe thinks about me sometimes.

[laxer12]

Originally Posted by Annaflower

i asked my T straight up and she told me she did. that's all i need.

I wish I had the guts to ask my T straight up...I'm too afraid that it would be awkward.

[musinglizzy]

Originally Posted by laxer12

I wish I had the guts to ask my T straight up...I'm too afraid that it would be awkward.

You can do it. It's a good question to ask. And hearing the answer could help your therapy a great deal too. Just spit it out... yeah, it's hard for me to ask or say anything regarding my T...because she's the one in the room...but I have.

I've asked my T things, but not had to ask her specifically if she cares, because she lets me know she does. I know I am her job, but I care about the people at work also. Some pop into my mind outside of work here and there, and it's ok. (I work with kids). So I can understand how it feels to get paid to do a job, but still care about those you're helping.

If we were to terminate, I think she'd still care... but contact would of course, stop. I know I would never forget her. She'd forget about me after awhile I'm sure...they can't hold onto us all...... but like a book I read. Therapists have many clients, while clients (typically) only have one T. That makes things a bit harder on us...but they get over it, and we eventually would too.

[laxer12]

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

You can do it. It's a good question to ask. And hearing the answer could help your therapy a great deal too. Just spit it out... yeah, it's hard for me to ask or say anything regarding my T...because she's the one in the room...but I have.

I would consider asking her but would she really say no even if it was true? I feel like she would say that she does but I don't know if I would believe it anyway because they can't say no...

It's a feeling thing. Not something words can convey. I feel she cares.

Originally Posted by laxer12

I wish I had the guts to ask my T straight up...I'm too afraid that it would be awkward.

yes, it was incredibly hard for me. i waited a year till i could tell her, but it's really helped me. i would recommend it. Ts understand; they're trained on this sort of thing.

I asked my T if he likes me, and he said yes, it would be impossible for him to work long-term with a client he didn't like.

[musinglizzy]

Originally Posted by _Mouse

It's a feeling thing. Not something words can convey. I feel she cares.

Yes.... I think you should be able to tell. I can just tell.

Originally Posted by _Mouse

It's a feeling thing. Not something words can convey. I feel she cares.

I agree. But I might go a bit further. I know it based on his actions and our interactions. Pretty much the same way I know if anyone cares for me. The evidence is usually there if you allow yourself to see it. Words don't mean that much really. They may be nice to hear, but it is in a person's behaviors that the evidence lays.

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

Yes.... I think you should be able to tell. I can just tell.

I really think that is a special talent, though, which not everybody shares. I can't tell that kind of thing.

[stopdog]

The woman said she did. I don't know that I believe her nor do I believe it matters.

I'm not sure what caring means or if it even means much at all. I care about random people on the news that I hear about who've had trauma or tragedy, but it doesn't matter to them. Caring just doesn't mean much to me I guess.

[Coco3]

My T and I click, we like each other. And I can feel he cares for me too. Not only because he has to because I'm his paying client. No, I can feel it's real. I think it's because of how he acts, what he says, those kinds of things. There's more than him just doing his job.

Nevertheless, it was really good to hear him say he's going to miss me when therapy ends, and that he likes me. He said that at a random moment, not after I said I would miss him or after I asked if he'd miss me. So it wasn't like he was feeling forced to say it.

[AllHeart]

She tells me that she cares about me, that she thinks about me a lot, etc. But more importantly than hearing the words is feeling it. I can feel her care when I am in the room with her. I can hear the care in her voice whenever we talk. And it shows in her actions too -- like when she weeps sometimes when I am having a rough session, or when she calls/emails me to check in or just tell me something. It's a blessing to me.

[musinglizzy]

Originally Posted by AllHeart

She tells me that she cares about me, that she thinks about me a lot, etc. But more importantly than hearing the words is feeling it. I can feel her care when I am in the room with her. I can hear the care in her voice whenever we talk. And it shows in her actions too -- like when she weeps sometimes when I am having a rough session, or when she calls/emails me to check in or just tell me something. It's a blessing to me.

That is REALLY sweet! All of it....hold onto that one!

[tinyrabbit]

I think the ability to experience your T caring can often be disrupted by feelings from other relationships that you transfer in. My T said that if I didn't have all this stuff to deal with I would be able to simply see him as someone who cares about me. The fact I struggle to do this is to do with other relationships, not him.

[Soccer mom]

Originally Posted by tinyrabbit

I think the ability to experience your T caring can often be disrupted by feelings from other relationships that you transfer in. My T said that if I didn't have all this stuff to deal with I would be able to simply see him as someone who cares about me. The fact I struggle to do this is to do with other relationships, not him.

My T. said my maternal transference gets in the way and blocks me from seeing her as caring since my mom wasn't caring. She did some reverse psychology on me which helped (I hated to admit) but it doesn't always stick. It sucks. It's almost like I can't recognize what she's doing that's caring? I can in other people, just not her - the one person I want it from the most.

[ThingWithFeathers]

She is shows compassion, gentleness, understanding, tolerance, acceptance and endless patience in the way she interacts with me. She has never told me directly that she cares about me, and I'm sure she is just as lovely with all her clients. But I don't feel like just a job for her and I do feel cared about.

Originally Posted by ThingWithFeathers

She is shows compassion, gentleness, understanding, tolerance, acceptance and endless patience in the way she interacts with me.

This exactly

Originally Posted by ThingWithFeathers

She is shows compassion, gentleness, understanding, tolerance, acceptance and endless patience in the way she interacts with me. She has never told me directly that she cares about me, and I'm sure she is just as lovely with all her clients. But I don't feel like just a job for her and I do feel cared about.

I thought this was true of my ex-therapist up until the day he terminated me abruptly with no warning and no hope.

I have no trust in any therapist. It's safer that way.

[Chummy]

I don't know if my T cares about me or if she likes me. I have never asked. I'm afraid to hear the answer. I hope she likes me. I think she doesn't dislike me. Otherwise I don't think she would have taken me back as a client when I needed therapy again. Or she wouldn't have asked if I want to ''go with her'' to her new workplace, so I can stay in therapy with her. She's really patient with me.
But I do wonder if she's like that with all her clients. Maybe she doesn't care about me at all, but is she just a good therapist.
I just can't see that she would like me. I'm such a mess and really difficult.