female T's

I only look for male T's. i dont know why.

never tried a female T.
But i wonder why i am so against the idea.

i do have female frends...but i feel they are always so sympathetic..and even fake at times.
school days i got along better with boys. different conversations..different outlook.

anyone feel the same way?

Yes I have specifically looked for make Ts, most likely because my mother was not maternal and I never really formed a solid idea of how female/female relationships are supposed to work. I kind of prefer male company altogether, though this has improved with therapy, and I think its possible I would consider a female T at some point in the future (if only to learn how to have a positive non-superficial relationship with a woman)

I tried a few female T's and they came across "fake," like you mentioned. They seemed to ooze "empathy" (which never seemed genuine) and pity for me which was a complete turn-off. I prefer the straight-forwardness and strength my male therapists have brought to the table. Their sympathy has always felt genuine, but not pitiful. They never treated me as fragile or broken. I guess I felt more respect from my male therapists in that they have always handled me with a kind of assuredness and confidence that I was already a pretty strong woman and would be able to get through this. I appreciated that "vote" of confidence from them rather than the female stance I kept getting which was that I was wounded and broken.

I only see female ones. I have never used the ones who were very gushy. The ones I find are somewhat cold and detached. Certainly not sympathetic or particularly empathic in any way I have seen. I think the first one tried empathy but I got her to stop - it was awful - not because it was gushy but because I did not understand what I was supposed to do with it.
I tried two men and hated both of them - one was the fake gushy new age sensitive man who I thought was fake and awful and I wanted to laugh at and crush him. The other was all male authoritarian - I walked out on that one.

I have a female T. but only picked her because someone suggested her. I have major mom issues and they have come out in our relationship which is probably what I really need to work on.

YET, she's not empathetic or overly maternal. she's very straightforward/direct and I've been told by a mutual friend that we think alike - like a man. So, I guess it happens to work.

I don't do well with female Ts either - in fact I highly insulted one by accusing her of being fake. I felt like she was mocking me.
Incidentally, I feel fake myself when I'm being sympathetic, even if I truly am. I prefer to cheer people up and distract them by way of comfort.

I would like to work through these issues with a female therapist, but I don't want to give up my T and I'd rather work through everything else with him anyway. I'm half-considering scheduling a few sessions with previous T when I have (much) more of my stuff sorted through. I have no intention of working long term with another T after this one though.

Neither did I! And I don't seem to know how to process it either. When it didn't feel like mocking it felt like flirting or like she was trying to draw attention to herself. It certainly didn't feel like she wanted to hear what I was talking about...

I think it probably says more about how the client views the world if they think men are more direct than women and that thinking like a man is preferable or vice versa. I find women easier to deal with than men in almost all ways and I find men often to have an attitude about women I don't like. I admit I am more sensitive to condescension when dealing with men. I don't think of the ones I see as masculine or male-like in any way but they are not fake with sympathy in any way that I have seen (actually none of 4 I saw more than once in my various attempts at therapy have been gushy and they have all been women). The second one in particular seems to be reasonably direct. The first one was just never clear or useful when she talked - she may have been being direct - I could not understand what she was saying enough to make that judgment. I would not want any gender to be directive at me.
I think a client should choose whichever type they feel they can work with, but I also think that the decisions come more from inside of us than the actual gender of the therapist. I also think that there is a lot of internalized misogyny and that women are very often judged a lot more harshly than men are.
And my father liked me more than my mother did - so I don't attribute my preference to relating back to my parents particularly.

I stick with female Ts. I need to develop a bond in order to open up, and I do that best with women. There are very few men I trust. And I have a habit of reading empathy with men as attraction. So I don't want there to be confusion with romantic feelings. I have already emotionally cheated on my fiance twice (he knows about it), and I'm not the cheating type. So it's just best for me to stick with women.

Though I have meet some nice male therapist who are liasons at the hospital.

And I do this with women. Argh!
It's not even romantic either - it's more 'I will make myself the center of your world and use you until you are useless to me'. It's bloody terrifying.

I always pick women... with my history I just can't trust a man the same way I can trust a woman unfortunately...

I never really picked a T. I've Always been to places where several T's are working. I would get an intake and then I would get a T who has place for a new client.
I don't really prefer male or female. But I do know that I don't prefer ''older'' female T's, in my experience they can overcome as too motherly. I also don't like older male's as I don't feel comfortable around them.
I prefer T's who are younger than 40, but definitely not younger than me.

I've only had female T's and male p-doc's. I think I'm more comfortable in general talking to women especially with my history of abuse but I love my shrink and wouldn't trade him for anyone else. It's funny how that works out.

Edited to add: Both shrinks and t's have always been assigned and only once did I request a female t.

I used to only choose female T's but this time around my criteria included: male, and don't you dare bring your politics into the session. My last T, who didn't work out as far as therapy went, is a radical feminist and that informs her life including how she does therapy. I didn't choose her for that reason but at one time I thought i was one but now I have no idea how I came to that conclusion. I liked her a lot but we were not a good fit.

My impression of female T's and of women in general is that they are more likely to decide what issues I'm supposed to be working on, particularly in regard to connections with other people. This is from previous T experience and previous experience with women in general. I always got along better with boys/men than girls/women. I think women are socialized to socialize others in status quo behavior. Like oil and water for me. While I know this is not true for anyone and theoretically there are female T's I could work with, I decided to go with probabilities.

My male T: While he clearly would like me to work on social issues more so far he's not pressing it. In my turn, when it comes up for me I bring it up but it's not that often. So far I can work with him and it's helping me clarify things. If things change I'll take what worked and leave in a heartbeat.

As a woman, I'm definitely drawn to female T's but that is probably because I don't have a relationship with my dad and I don't trust him. I find it much easier to talk to women and have relationships with women. I don't have many close guy friends so for whatever reason, I open up more with women.

The bolded part: absolutely. That's why I cringe whenever I read that some people prefer male therapists because they're supposedly more straight forward, and that female therapists are too "emotional".
Of course, people should feel comfortable with their therapist but those gender stereotypes don't happen in a vacuum.

But a lot of gender stereotypes are due to how we're socialized. They become stereotypes when this is assumed to be true of all members of a group, including a gender group, but narrowing things down by using probabilities is just making the process more efficient. Besides, it seems that most women on here who prefer one gender over another prefer women.

It may make you cringe, but that has been the reality of my experience with female therapists. I have had them reveal much too much personal detail about their own abuse histories literally in the first couple of sessions as a way to "empathize" with me. It was inappropriate and unprofessional. These same female therapists literally teared up and they hardly knew me -- again, not appropriate and certainly not genuine. Their pity and treatment of me as wounded and fragile was treating me as if I was someone who was broken and weak. My deciding not to work with female therapist isn't about misogyny. It's about running into one too many who treated me this way. The male therapists I have worked with respected my strength as a woman where the female therapists I worked with treated me as weak and helpless. It was the FEMALE therapists who showed the least respect for me as a female.

I am not saying all female therapists behave this way, but having run into this three times in a row, that was it. I wasn't going to waste any more time or money. It isn't about me judging women more harshly than men. It is about one too many crappy female therapists leading me to steer clear. The male therapist I have worked with weren't "supposedly" more straight forward; that wasn't an illusion or my imagination.

You should choose whomever you feel most comfortable obviously.
I'm just saying that perhaps we should also examine why we may feel a certain way about another gender. What if if was another race? Would that be ok to say: "well, I 've only bad experiences with Asian therapists, so from now on, no Asian therapists"?
We all hold prejudice, often so deeply ingrained we are blind to them.
I'm sorry you had bad experiences with female therapists.

Female T - big bad father issues, find men difficult.

This thread is making me want to see a graph or chart. Client's age, client's gender, client's preferred gender for socializing with, client's relationship with each parent, & client's preferred gender in a therapist.

I have been in therapy off and on over the past 25 years. I started off being more comfortable with male therapists and at some point (age 35-40 maybe?) started to become more comfortable with female therapists.

I can attribute this to my comfort level with men vs. women when I was younger and also my perceived comfort level of the therapists with me. I can also see how my relationship with my parents played a role.

At age 25, maybe I wasn't far enough away from getting my mother out of my head (as in being away from her so that she couldn't pry my thoughts out of me) to be comfortable with a female therapist.

Good thread, Mira Belle. Thanks.

Excellent post, Myrto. I agree that we often carry deep prejudices related to gender that we're not even aware of. I know that I have always sought out female therapists. I tried a male therapist twice, once when my first therapist retired and she wanted me to see her partner a male. I lasted three months. I just couldn't relate to him but I truly thought he was an excellent therapist. I just couldn't feel connected. I tried another male therapist last year when looking for a new therapist after moving and lasted with him two months. He rushed things waaaaaay too much and I ended up leaving.

I know the issue is with me and my own personal feelings toward males. Although I have several very solid friendships with males, I don't consider men good at intimate relationships. That's my own personal bias and prejudice. But as you mention, it's important when seeking mental health services that we go with the person who we are most comfortable with. If I ever reached some semblance of "mental health", I should probably work with a male therapist to work on that bias

Race and culture is actually a huge part of it. I suspect myself that I would not have had the difficulties I had with my female T had she been Irish or English or Northern European rather than American.

I have a feeling that this might be a valid difference between male and female Ts, as far as sweeping generalizations go at any rate...
My male T pushes me pretty hard. I think a woman would be more patient. If, of course, I could manage not to insult her and put her off in the very second session... Sometimes I suspect that misogyny is more entrenched in women than it is in men...

I am all for choosing whatever race, gender, culture, combination of those things etc that a client thinks will work best for them. I also believe that what one person calls straightforward and direct, another person might call cold, controlling, directive and so on. What I consider condescending is what someone else might consider caring.
I find it interesting also how the therapist says they view themselves - the first one I see has said she is kind and her office is warm and inviting. I have never experienced her as kind - sometimes she less unkind than at others, but only once affirmatively kind and that was about my dog who was quite sick at the time -and her office is awful with uncomfortable furniture.