New T

I met the new T. She ran late with her previous appointment and I was beginning to fume with annoyance on top of the anxiety. Then, I thought...meh, if it's important then maybe she'll run late for me too if needed?

Anyway, I wanted to tell you all...........I liked her and it was overall a good meeting. She has 20+ years experience and her speciality is trauma. She appeared open, flexible and answered questions readily. She is at the highest tier of specialist consultants for the government department that needs to approve my application for funding and treatment and for me this means I will not have to tell my 'story' more than once.....only to her, without need for further independent consultation/assessment. This is a HUGE relief, I can't even begin to tell you how much of a relief this is.

There was one moment that has left me wondering though, and I am not sure how to take it or what to do with it. It was during a discussion of boundaries, that I instigated. I asked about email contact and her boundaries. At one point her manner changed completely. She sat back from me, altered her body posture and the tone of her voice went from warm, interested and friendly to cold and business like. It was such a marked change.

Once I clarified my question, and she had stated her position, and then I re-clarified, she said that it was good to hear that I insight into good boundaries. Then she returned to her previous manner, and assured me I could definitely email in the way I wanted.

I just feel uneasy about such a huge change in manner. I can't say why, but it has stayed with me.

What do you think? Am I being too sensitive?

It sounds like she reacted to the wording of your question defensively or was preparing herself to be on the defensive for some reason. Since I don't know the exact wording of your inquiry it's hard to tell but that's what it sounds like. Since she softened up when you clarified what you meant I think it's fine and probably not a bad thing. Are you afraid she's too rigid and firm around out of session contact and boundaries?

Ask her why she changed demeanors is what I would do

It sounds like maybe the email thing/out-of-session contact thing hit a sore spot? Perhaps she had a bad prior experience (or more than one bad one)?
I would second the concept of asking her about it.

Jane, I'm so glad that you finally got to meet her! I know that the stress of "not knowing" can be crazy and painful, so at least that first session is finally out of the way, and you have an actual face/person to associate with her name now!

It sounds like overall it went well... the thing with her pulling back does sound weird. I hope you can mention it to her, and maybe ask if she had a bad experience or what was going on? It would bug me too, but honestly, I've noticed when I'm in a very alert/anxious place, I sometimes misread things like this. (I've noticed on TV shows I might watch something and get a really strong impression, but if I watch it again a couple of days later - it seems totally different!) So, hopefully you can discuss it with her and put your mind at ease.

(((JaneC)))

I don't think so, I prefer clear boundaries for these things....not knowing with my old T(oh my gosh, calling him oldT is soooo....final!) was worse as I worried about it so much!

Oh....I completely forgot(am I the only one that does this?), but she did mention in passing a client who emailed her multiple times daily and it was something she had to stop. That explains it.

The difficulty though is that instead of just explaining that to me first, she became defensive first. I think it is bothering me because it is reminiscent of my mother. Ugh. I don't know.

I'll try to ask her next time.

Why does another clients issues become your issue?
Ok, a client bombards the T with email. That's an issue with that client.
Why than make that a blanket coverage and why burden you with that information?

I don't know, I suppose she was trying to give context to her response? I guess it is the same old thing.....ask the T, otherwise I'm just guessing.

I will talk it over with my old T next Friday, the last appointment, set aside to talk about new T and how it went..

So much fun. NOT!

I think it's really good planning that you have the opportunity to talk to your old therapist (yes, it it painful to think of him that way) about your new therapist. Sounds like he is trying to make the best out of a difficult time for you and must care very much for you.

I just can't get this out of my head really, despite trying very hard to put it aside and wait to discuss it with my abouttoleaveT.

I was thinking on what you said Mouse, about another clients problems becoming mine. It led me to think if she can talk badly of another client like that, then what would stop her talking about me like that? And why did the T have to bring her 'stuff' about this other client into my session?

It was really hard for me to even ask about emailing between sessions, asking about something that I feel I need! Oh my, it was so hard for me to do that with my aboutoleaveT, and caused an enormous amount of angst, that to do it now and get this sort of reaction........

I am probably blowing it out of proportion, but it really worries me and has me feeling all anxious about seeing her again.

I don't think you are blowing this out of proportion. How she talks to you about this issue maybe representative of how she talks to you about other issues.

Hi Jane,

You said she mentioned it "in passing"...I don't see that as the same thing as talking badly of another client. Perhaps she was just trying to give you an explanation as to where her concerns about email lie, and that was why she mentioned it?

I understand why you are feeling cautious about this new T...it can be incredibly painful losing a great therapist (been there, done that) and venturing into unknown territory with a new one. Do you think perhaps you are looking for a reason to reject her before she rejects you? I don't think she will, btw, but I am wondering if you are afraid that she will (consciously or unconsciously).