[kirby777]

Hi-

Due to insurance, I have to find a new T. I liked my previous T & knew she cared for me. I trusted her, which is difficult due to childhood trauma related to a mother issue/emotional abuse neglect. She also was one of of the few whom would call me on things...which I need. Or listen as I told my tales of woe and would say, close to the end of the session."If it was me, I would not do "whatever' any more, if it did not make me happy". I need to hear that.

I have spent years regurtitating my past hurts & am sick of it. There are no results....The last T did help me alter some of what I wanted to change.

How do I choose a new one? I know whether we click after the first 2 sessions..I know I need a female close to my age or older.

Any advice would be most appreciated.

I don't think there is any way to choose one except to go and have a trial consultation and see what it feels like talking to them, and to go with your gut feeling that very first session. If it's important to you that she calls you on thing, perhaps this is something to discuss the first session.

[precaryous]

Hi Kirby!

Sorry you have to change therapists.

First I get the details out of the way. You already know you want a female T around your age or older. Next I figure out which Ts take my insurance, are they accepting new patients, is their location workable, and if their therapy style comes close to what I am looking for. Do they specialize or have special interest in the issues I am dealing with? I always prefer psychodynamic T's. Maybe you have a preference, too.

Right now I see a Psy.D., while training is important, fit is more important. I would see a LCSW, etc. if we got along and I thought she could help.

During the interview I find out how much longer they plan to be in practice at their location (are they planning to retire, move or change jobs soon?) I ask about availability, out of session contact (do they accept out of session phone or email contact? What is their preference?) Do they have admitting privileges...if not, do they have a plan should I need admission? How long is our session? I ask things like that.You may not get to know all this material on the first visit.

Next, I figure out if she is a good fit. Does she seem calm and knowledgeable? Although I like a T who self-discloses a little as it seems appropriate - does she use the session to vent about herself or does she reflect back to me? I will not stay with a T who insists I do this or that. If we disagree, my expectation is that T helps me explore these issues. But I have final say.

The patient drives therapy.

That's just my brief take on finding a new T.

[Ididitmyway]

Check out this article How to Select a Therapist » Therapy Consumer Guide

It might have what you are looking for.

[Giucy]

Sorry you have to change T because of insurance. I can perceive it sucks.

I have no idea about the insurance stuff, I leave it to competent people.

However, you already have two criteria for choosing your new T :
- female
- your age or older.

By telling what worked with your T in your first message, you are on the good path to answer your own question
These elements can be incorporated into your criteria of choice for a T

I always prefer psychodynamic T's. Maybe you have a preference, too.

Preferring a T from one specific schooling is one thing.
OTOH, IME and IMO, you need a T open to different theoretical backgrounds, even if said T prefers a specific schooling over another.
IME with Ts from different therapeutic schoolings, a T stuck in his own schooling is counterproductove. Such rigidity fosters client blaming when therapy works for a specific issue but not for another issue. Therefore, I am wary of Ts unable to open their mind on different schoolings.
Where I live, Ts often work with the mindset of "winning the schooling war to prove how efficient my schooling is over the others" : if a different schooling works better for client X with issue Y, Ts often try to convince client that only their therapeutic schooling is the right one.
It may be a cultural thing that doesn't apply to OP.
However, I noticed that Ts stuck in their own schooling is not often discussed here.

while training is important, fit is more important. I would see a LCSW, etc. if we got along and I thought she could help.

Couldn't say better.

I will not stay with a T who insists I do this or that. If we disagree, my expectation is that T helps me explore these issues. But I have final say.

I add that a T who treats any kind of disagreement as if it was a sign of mental illness has nothing to do with therapy. IME and IMO, major red flag of incompetent therapist, no matter how experienced, the prestigious university etc...
If some disagreements are signs of MI acting out, not every disagreement by a client is MI acting out ! T blaming every kind of disagreement on client's MI has everything to do with T's laziness and nothing to do with client's best interests.
A therapist is not a Court-appointed conservator and a client is not a T's conservatee. Any therapist acting as if the client was T's conservatee means therapy is doomed to fail right off the bat.

Next, I figure out if she is a good fit

Actually, the most important ingredient of successful therapy

[pinkflower17]

Originally Posted by kirby777

Hi-

Due to insurance, I have to find a new T. I liked my previous T & knew she cared for me. I trusted her, which is difficult due to childhood trauma related to a mother issue/emotional abuse neglect. She also was one of of the few whom would call me on things...which I need. Or listen as I told my tales of woe and would say, close to the end of the session."If it was me, I would not do "whatever' any more, if it did not make me happy". I need to hear that.

I have spent years regurtitating my past hurts & am sick of it. There are no results....The last T did help me alter some of what I wanted to change.

How do I choose a new one? I know whether we click after the first 2 sessions..I know I need a female close to my age or older.

Any advice would be most appreciated.

You already listed a couple things - you know you need a female close to your age or older, you know you need someone who will call you out on things. Can you make a list of things you need? And then set up some trial consultations? Most therapists will offer a free 30 min consultation either in person or on the phone. And bring your list. And don't be afraid to ask questions about things that are important to you. For example for me; it's really important what type of therapy is done, how suicidal ideation would be handled if that were to become an issue, contact outside of sessions if necessary, how would it be handled if (God forbid) I would have to be admitted, I'm fairly straight forward and direct so my therapist has to be as well, I also have to have someone who will call me on my **** or else I'll just BS them all day long etc. So, I guess what I'm trying to say is, figure out what's important to you, and try to find someone who fits those needs as closely as possible.
I also think it's partially a "gut" response. Who "feels" right, who do you click with, who do you feel comfortable with?
In my opinion it's a combination of the two. It's a hard decision to make. I'm sorry you have to go through that. Good luck.