[wotchermuggle]

Just what the title asks....

[NowhereUSA]

Is it selfish to go to the doctor?

[stopdog]

No. I cannot imagine how it would be for anyone. But I don't think taking care of oneself or simply choosing to do things for one's own sake or self is selfish in any way.

[wotchermuggle]

Originally Posted by NowhereUSA

Is it selfish to go to the doctor?

Originally Posted by stopdog

No. I cannot imagine how it would be for anyone. But I don't think taking care of oneself or simply choosing to do things for one's own or sake self is selfish in any way.

Sometimes I just wonder if I should be so obsessed with me and not try to focus myself elsewhere? Either way, it feels lonely....

[scorpiosis37]

No. I think using therapy to get the help or support you need in order to be the best "you" is actually the most selfless and kindest thing you can do for the people in your life.

[Salmon77]

My therapy takes nothing away from anybody else, so I don't see anything selfish about it.

[NowhereUSA]

We all go to therapy for a lot of reasons. I know for me, even when I'm feeling okay, I like to go (maybe not as often) to have an hour dedicated to just me and my thoughts. And there's nothing wrong with that. We all need what we need.

[musinglizzy]

No, I think it's one of the least selfish things we can do for ourselves.

Sometimes I think it is. Sometimes I think it isn't. Mostly I think it is. Just my opinion.

[laxer12]

Originally Posted by scorpiosis37

No. I think using therapy to get the help or support you need in order to be the best "you" is actually the most selfless and kindest thing you can do for the people in your life.

I completely agree. We have to take care of ourselves first before we can take care of other people or our relationships with them.

[Partless]

Definition of selfish from Merriam-Webster dictionary: "concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others."

Originally Posted by puzzle_bug1987

Sometimes I think it is. Sometimes I think it isn't. Mostly I think it is. Just my opinion.

Yeah I think it is like that sometimes or for some people. It depends on the person and why they're going for therapy, and their relationships/activities outside therapy.

[Favorite Jeans]

If you had parents who harmed you because they had deep psychological wounds, imagine how different things would have been for you if your parents had had a supportive space where they could work on their issues. You'd have likely had much better parents and come through childhood happier, more secure and better equipped for life's challenges.

Maybe it's selfish to spend all that time navel-gazing but it's the kind of selfish that (arguably) makes you less of an arsehole in the long run. So there are potentially huge altruistic dividends for that modest selfish investment.

I used to think it was. But I have changed my mind. I feel like the more work I have done on myself, the happier and better adjusted I become, the better my relationships are, people around me seem happier, it's like a ripple effect in my little corner of the world y'know? So no. I think like Scorpiosis said:

using therapy to get the help or support you need in order to be the best "you" is actually the most selfless and kindest thing you can do for the people in your life.

Cuz we ALL know this work ain't easy!!! I tip my hat to all of us doing this work.

Originally Posted by Favorite Jeans

Maybe it's selfish to spend all that time navel-gazing but it's the kind of selfish that (arguably) makes you less of an arsehole in the long run.

Arguably. I haven't really found most people who say therapy is successful to them to be nicer, kinder people, but maybe that isn't why they went to therapy.

[LonesomeTonight]

I feel like it helps me be a better wife and mother--ultimately. So in that sense it's not selfish. But some sessions use up a lot of emotional energy that I then don't have for my husband and daughter. So maybe it depends on the week :-)

[Partless]

Nowadays therapy's no longer a luxury (in Western countries), or rather, it comes in a lot more variety. I don't think anybody could look at me and say I was being narcissistic for going for therapy after I got the last few years for PTSD and had to cry myself to sleep. It was not vanity, it was reality of my life that required therapy so I could function. Trust me, I did everything possible not to go for it, I've often hated therapy. wanted to be able to do things on my own, not need anybody or depend on anybody. I wasn't some spoiled rich kid who would go to therapy just to make a long list of how much his parents sucked cause daddy would not buy the kid his own Ferrari.

I suppose people could argue still that there is selfishness to me going for therapy, as I have the option to go to a therapist which people did not decades ago. I mean regular people, not rich people. That may be. But I would also argue that life has changed and we no longer have that sense of social cohesion and sense of community or family or culture/religion that brought people together decades ago (though I'm not denying that they too had some negative effects). This has resulted in more focus on individuals, on the self, for better and worse, resulting in self-obsession and narcissism but also loneliness. So in this more professionalized and more fragmented - but also more psychologically educated - society, therapists are basically filling in for those positive elements in society that no longer exist.

In summary, I think it is selfish in a way but in a way I live in a more selfish or self-focused time and society also. And secondly, depends why you going for therapy. If you have a great life objectively, are mentally healthy, are not in great distress, and basically are just using therapy to ignore your commitments and responsibilities and just focus on your own issues with no care or regard to other people in your life, then it's selfish.

If you're going because of great distress, mental illness, or minor distress but which you don't use as reason to ignore your commitments and responsibilities (or overlook the fact that other people in your life too have problems in their lives, it's not just you), that you are working towards being a better person not just to yourself but also a better more caring human being, it's not selfish! And in some ways it's the opposite, shows sense of responsibility, maturity, and strength of character, and courage. Real therapy can be very tough. It takes courage to go to those dark places.

[pbutton]

No. I do not think it is selfish. My time in therapy is not taking anything away from anyone else. In fact, it helps me be more relaxed and generous when I am out in the world.

[SoupDragon]

As much as it is selfish to follow aircraft staff instructions to put on your own oxygen mask before belping others.

[rollercoaster30]

Not at all, we have to learn about ourselves and be comfortable with ourselves first and foremost.

[Middlemarcher]

For me, yes. For other people, no. Gotta love those double standards...

I find it easy enough now to justify going to therapy so that I am "better to others"-- my partner, friends, future hypothetical kids, etc. What I am trying to feel, at last, is that it's ok for me to do it for myself. To work toward ultimately relieving my suffering-- that this is not selfish, but a very reasonable desire.

Like many of us here, I was an extremely parentified young child. I have generally based my actions on what would fulfill other people's wants and needs. That I could have my own--what??? It didn't even really occur to me. So I'm still working on the idea that therapy can be for me, and that's ok.

[BlessedRhiannon]

Originally Posted by Middlemarcher

For me, yes. For other people, no. Gotta love those double standards...

I find it easy enough now to justify going to therapy so that I am "better to others"-- my partner, friends, future hypothetical kids, etc. What I am trying to feel, at last, is that it's ok for me to do it for myself. To work toward ultimately relieving my suffering-- that this is not selfish, but a very reasonable desire.

Like many of us here, I was an extremely parentified young child. I have generally based my actions on what would fulfill other people's wants and needs. That I could have my own--what??? It didn't even really occur to me. So I'm still working on the idea that therapy can be for me, and that's ok.

This explains pretty much how I feel too!

For others, not selfish at all. For me - it depends on the day, but more often than not, I do feel selfish seeing a T.

[Myrto]

Originally Posted by wotchermuggle

Sometimes I just wonder if I should be so obsessed with me and not try to focus myself elsewhere? Either way, it feels lonely....

I see what you mean.
Actually I wouldn't say "selfish" but I sometimes wonder whether it's a bit narcissistic to be constantly focused on "me, me, my thoughts, myself". Or at least focused on me exclusively one hour per week. Actually it's not that much, come to think of it ; -)
This is not a criticism on anybody by the way, just what pops up in my mind once in a while, I'm just talking about myself here.

But then I think that I actually do need to go to therapy, to get better.
Getting better means having better relationships with other people, interacting in healthier ways. Everybody wins, I think.

[Myrto]

Originally Posted by Partless

Nowadays therapy's no longer a luxury (in Western countries), or rather, it comes in a lot more variety. I don't think anybody could look at me and say I was being narcissistic for going for therapy after I got the last few years for PTSD and had to cry myself to sleep. It was not vanity, it was reality of my life that required therapy so I could function. Trust me, I did everything possible not to go for it, I've often hated therapy. wanted to be able to do things on my own, not need anybody or depend on anybody. I wasn't some spoiled rich kid who would go to therapy just to make a long list of how much his parents sucked cause daddy would not buy the kid his own Ferrari.

I suppose people could argue still that there is selfishness to me going for therapy, as I have the option to go to a therapist which people did not decades ago. I mean regular people, not rich people. That may be. But I would also argue that life has changed and we no longer have that sense of social cohesion and sense of community or family or culture/religion that brought people together decades ago (though I'm not denying that they too had some negative effects). This has resulted in more focus on individuals, on the self, for better and worse, resulting in self-obsession and narcissism but also loneliness. So in this more professionalized and more fragmented - but also more psychologically educated - society, therapists are basically filling in for those positive elements in society that no longer exist.

In summary, I think it is selfish in a way but in a way I live in a more selfish or self-focused time and society also. And secondly, depends why you going for therapy. If you have a great life objectively, are mentally healthy, are not in great distress, and basically are just using therapy to ignore your commitments and responsibilities and just focus on your own issues with no care or regard to other people in your life, then it's selfish.

If you're going because of great distress, mental illness, or minor distress but which you don't use as reason to ignore your commitments and responsibilities (or overlook the fact that other people in your life too have problems in their lives, it's not just you), that you are working towards being a better person not just to yourself but also a better more caring human being, it's not selfish! And in some ways it's the opposite, shows sense of responsibility, maturity, and strength of character, and courage. Real therapy can be very tough. It takes courage to go to those dark places.

Honestly, I don't think people whose life is wonderful go to therapy.
Therapy is expensive and difficult, it's not pleasant most of the time.
If people go to therapy that's because they feel like they need it.
I don't think there should be a hierarchy in terms of "some people need it and some don't". If people go, that means they need to imo.

[WrkNPrgress]

Originally Posted by SoupDragon

As much as it is selfish to follow aircraft staff instructions to put on your own oxygen mask before helping others.

Yes. This exactly.

Usually this question arises from people who care about other people in their lives. Maybe you think you're taking away something from someone else? Time? Concern? Attention? Maybe you think this is something you shouldn't be spending money on because— that money should be spent on other 'more important things, or people?

The oxygen mask metaphor fits very well for the first concern. You have to help yourself if you're going to be able to help or work with others. You may not think of it as "helping" but think of it as not taking your pain and suffering out on others. If we don't strive to understand the root of our own pain, confusions, emotional distress, etc. we let those emotions and issue take control without knowing. If you have a struggle in your life and your recognize that, you need to work on it with a professional in order to keep it from seeping out and leaking onto other people in your life that you care about.

That being said, therapy is for and about YOU and there's absolutely NOTHING wrong with that fact.

A responsible adult is a self-aware and self-cared for adult. Period.

[WrkNPrgress]

Originally Posted by Myrto

Honestly, I don't think people whose life is wonderful go to therapy.
Therapy is expensive and difficult, it's not pleasant most of the time.
If people go to therapy that's because they feel like they need it.
I don't think there should be a hierarchy in terms of "some people need it and some don't". If people go, that means they need to imo.

I would go a step further and say if someone's life is "wonderful" they still have a right to see a therapist for whatever reason they need.

I had this question about my own practice, early on because even though I recognized I had some issues that I needed to deal with, I am basically "okay". I have a functional life, a support system and if therapy weren't available to me at a an affordable cost, I would probably be able to manage. I wondered out loud to my T if I wasn't being a bit "indulgent" to go to therapy and if all this "self-care" wasn't a little bit "selfish"

She said to me something no one has ever said before:

"What's wrong with being selfish here?"

She went on to explain that my "me time" takes nothing from anybody else. If I want to pay My money to rant to someone for whatever reason that is— and that's called "selfish" so what?

(In American English) the definition of the word selfish is this:

Selfish: (of a person, action, or motive) lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure.

While sitting for an hour in session, I'm not taking food from anyone's mouth. I'm not hurting anyone. I am looking after myself. In therapy, or when i take a walk, or schedule a vacation day off work and tell no one, technically I am doing this solely for myself. Does that mean it's hurting to taking anything away from anyone else? Does that mean I'm shirking my duties in the rest of my life? NO.

Now, what I've learned since I began therapy has been far beyond what I expected to get out of it. I am getting close to the core of some deep stuff. These concepts in turn, are helping my relationships at work, with my family, and with my partner. These are also core issues I would have never realized or began to grasp if I had let the word "selfish" stop me at the door, and I would argue I needed to be a little bit "selfish" to get there.