Do not diagnose others or tell others how they should have acted

Isn't that what the Dear T thread is for? It's a discussion forum, why post a thread in the first place if you're not interested in discussion?

I don't think anyone should be getting in trouble for offering an opinion. If someone doesn't want to hear another's opinions there is always the ignore feature.

I still don't see a good reason for this reprimand. If the thread in question is offensive why hasn't it been closed?

Mostly I, for example, just want to be heard. I don't want to be given advice or told what I should do. I feel lonelier when everyone piles on and tells me why my feelings are wrong or what I should do instead. Often I actually do know what for me I should do. I even usually know I will eventually do it. But here, I just want to be able hear about what others do and get to tell what I do without criticism.

And, If someone doesn't want to hear another's opinions, they shouldn't ASK for them.

And when someone says they don't want them, they should not have them foisted upon them.

How is giving an opinion, being supportive?

If you agree with the OP, I guess.....

I don't think it so much the giving of the opinion - any conversation that goes beyond how-are-you-good-and-you? consists of a sharing of opinions. It's the difference between 'I think you might' and 'I think you must' that's the crux of the issue.

Aha. I think I understand now.

That is why I try to stick with "I think I would...."

I actually think I get it now.

The initial post in this thread is instructing me how to behave... expecting that I will open-mindedly review this advice and use it to modify any unhealthy behavior... behavior that I may not have seen myself. I needed someone else to point it out me. Good thing someone posted something contrary to the way I was seeing this situation, or I may not have made this connection today.

The irony is hilarious, but I'm actually serious. Growth can be found in the strangest of places.

It IS difficult to come up with an alternative to "you might or you must". Totally out of the box thinking! I cant think of anything offhand right now, but maybe someone else can and will post soon. But i wanted to let you know someone read your post.

Eta - how about - "i like the way you asked the person to blah blah blah. That showed real gumption."

Eta 2 - this is something i often struggle with myself. i dont respond to a lot of posts."

What about telling how you think you would handle such a situation and why it works for you? Or pointing to books or whatever on the subject? Or just saying yes the same thing happened to me when x." Or just "yes that sounds awful" or "I understand it feels bad right now" ? There are a lot of choices other than "you should or might or must"

haha, interesting reply

It depends on the individual post and poster though. Some people I feel comfortable being emphatic about my opinion with, some not.

I think I try to do this too.

Maybe less can be more

I though the post was quite straightforward.

If someone's wants a diganois, you say we can not diganois, you need to see a professional.

If someone says what should I do, you don't say you should get a new T, you should change or drop your meds, you should do this or that. Instead you can say what your experience is or has been.

I know there has been times when I've violated these rules, we most likely all have done so at one time or another. For myself I try to stop and think before I press reply. How would I feel if I read this? How would I feel reading this post? Sometimes I get caught up in the drama and don't pause before hitting reply and those are the times I've been heavy with the you shoulds. Nobody is perfect and you needn't be afraid to post.

Oh, the post itself was quite clear. What I don't like about it was that it's calling out the whole forum over the behavior of a few. There are an awful lot of people here who never say anything offensive and are very anxious about posting for fear they will say the wrong thing. This sort of thing is most unhelpful for the socially anxious among us.

I actually don't know which thread is in question. I am just offering general suggestion. I have never seen any offensive posts on this forum. Sure some people react very intensely to everything, even the most innocent comments, but that's the nature of this forum. It is not "hobby" forum where people discuss golf tournaments lol



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Good point about calling out the entire forum. I felt the same way at first, but kind of reconciled that in my own mind when I considered that the bulk of the posters here are somewhere on the continuum between "offers suggestions to those who we feel could benefit from change" and "offers suggestions to those we feel could benefit from changing the way that they offer support".

Oh, I don't know, those hobby forums can get pretty wild. We're tame in comparison

My initial reaction was 'Huh? What happened?' Kinda got sidetracked into a discussion about appropriate replies etc., but I still feel the original post was uncalled-for.

I am glad to see this reminder because I do agree people are often mean under the guise of wanting to be helpful. Different kinds of behaviors can feel mean, being judgmental of the OP, condescending, proclaiming to own the truth, scolding someone for their feelings...

I have not actually read the thread mentioned and my opinion isn't based on that.

Lol I know. I am using some too. I meant something else but didn't know how to say it without sounding wrong. Due to nature of this forum many members suffer from Mental health issues and/or have illness and it makes them to respond and act certain way. It is important to remember that if someone reacts strangely to different opinions or says something strange that is why. I sometimes forget about it being all puzzled why someone reacts certain way

. So if people warn others that they cannot handle different opinions, then it should be fine.

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Isn't the title of this thread telling others how to act? :-/