Couch 94 - Blowtorches R' Us

Morning couch. Tuesdays session was a doozy and threw me for a serious loop. I have another session today that I'm very embarrassed and nervous about going to after what happened Tuesday.

There are like 6 new pages to the couch that I haven't read through so just know I'm thinking of everyone and hope those in the floods are doing okay.

I am trying to re-organize my house. It is a not usual set up and my recent attempt at making it more usual including moving the bedroom is causing my old boy some distress. So I moved it back. I am just going to go with it is not an odd thing to not move your bedroom to another floor because it upsets the old dog.

I hope your appointment goes well, Ellahmae.

Mine went okay but I'm really not doing very well right now. And I don't like myself much, and I bet my T doesn't either.

Completely non-odd if you ask me.

Im going with odd! When i had cats and had to move house, i kenneled them for a few days, then brought them to the new place (same city). Maybe old dog is just worried you are getting rid of his bed. Maybe he will like the new arrangement better. Maybe you like the old arrangement better and are using the dog? I bet old dog gets the blame after your lentil and bean suppers too!

It may be odd, but not because of the things you posted. He sleeps next to me in my bed. He spent the past two nights (the two nights of new bedroom) pacing and whining and running to the old room every time I got up to check on him. I need sleep more than I need to move the room right now. And I am a complete wimp when it comes to him being in distress over a non-critical move I made. He is a sensitive guy. The other dog and the cat were fine with whatever.
And no - not unless he ate some beans too. His are rather distinctive.

And good for intervening in the dog situation if the dog was actually in distress.

Poor old guy!! That is so sweet!

But i did notice you did not address the beans and lentil question. Thats okay!

Honestly i am sorry. I wake up so freaking cheerful. I was even dreaming i was next up on stage to do stand up.

Eta - i couldnt tell about the dog. Thats what was so maddening. Everytime i walked away from the car, she would cry. T concluded that at least this way, we found out what happened.

Thanks! It really was wonderful to see her again after so long. I was thinking this morning that unlike a lot of the time I saw her in person back in the beginning, THIS time I am fully present in my body, instead of being all up in my head. For that first year of therapy in person, I was all up in my head most of the time and she'd help me get grounded and down in my body like when I'd do sand trays or just doing deep breathing and focusing on "finding my feet", but it wasn't natural at all for me back then. It took a lot of work. But now, I'm living all the time in my body instead of just up in my head, and experiencing everything with all of me. Including my time with her yesterday. I don't know how to adequately explain the difference... but it was good. I will probably be smiling like this for days.

[QUOTE=stopdog;4469564
And no - not unless he ate some beans too. His are rather distinctive.[/QUOTE]

Yes I did. Albeit I am never as focused on bodily functions as you may be.

Is anyone? haha

Im trying to learn to live in my body and not just my head, like Art. like the asimov story, eyes do more than see

Eta - hey this psychology stuff all goes back to toilet training, ya know! .

Our raccoon is missing and it's my fault!! Yesterday while I was at work she broke into a cabinet and ate about half of a 5 lb bag of sugar. She was insane. I ended up letting her into the back yard because she was so crazy. it was still daylight and usually if it's still daylight she doesn't climb the fence and comes to.the back door after a few hours. However an unexpected storm blew in and she disappeared! It's been almost 24 hrs now. I was up half the night. I looked around in our woods for her but a human with a flashlight searching the woods for a nocturnAl animal is laughable. Usually by now she'd be hungry and if you called for her and she was close by she would call back. No idea where she is and we have a TON of horses to see today so I had to leavE. I am so worried about her. She isn't a wild animal anymore. I'm worried she couldn't defend herself against a coyote or some thing and she is fat and 8 years old and doesn't climb well anymore...I feel awful. If something happens to her it will be my fault for letting her out.

I'm so sorry baybrony! That must be so scary! Hopefully her natural instincts will kick in if she needs them to. I hope she comes home soon!

I have insisted that my husband and I use a futon on a platform that is only a few inches off the floor because the older dog has a bad leg and hip and cannot get up on a regular bed to sleep with us. Your thing is totally normal.

I just realized something. I didn't feel the need yesterday to tell t "i love you". It was like, I didn't need to because I knew she could feel it. Because I felt it, too.

eta: and when I told her that I recently came to the realization that my work really is just beginning.... and she laughed, I knew she was laughing with me and that it was because she had been there herself at one point or another. I loved seeing that difference in myself - having enough fullness of Self to automatically go to knowing she was laughing with me, instead of jumping immediately to the negative "she's laughing at me/I'm stupid/I hate her" and getting defensive on her like I've done in the past. I so enjoy this level of Awake-ness when it allows me to see clear evidence of how well therapy worked for me!

Time for me to head to work, today and tomorrow are the last 2 days I'll be working with the newbies, so Monday back to my normal early shift/normal job. I am ready!! Have a good day (or night) couchies!!

Maybe the dog can help you find her?

It's a good idea but in the woods her wild nature kicks in. She will call/come to me where ever she is but in the woods she will run from the dogs.

Also she sleeps like a rock .if she is denned up somewhere sleeping you'll never find her.

I hope you find her, BayBrony.

I'm really worried that my T has started to dislike me. Is that crazy, or is it reasonable, or is it probably just in my head, or is it likely? (No, I know you cannot know that. Just thinking out loud.) I know he is not going to suddenly abandon me, he is much too ethical for that. But I hate the thought of being the low points of his week (he has to see me twice a week, poor man...)

This morning, a little after midnight, I finished my bachelor's degree program. It took 3 schools and 20 years, and I did it.

(And a great deal of thanks go to my therapist who inspired me to return to school, choose my major and then proceeded to tirelessly cheerlead me through the 2 year process. I'm very grateful today. Also, very friggin tired. )

Headed off to T, I feel sick. I don't want to go.

BB - I hope your raccoon comes home soon.

Mast - why would the therapist find you a (the?) low point?

Leah - congratulations

EM - I hope it goes not badly.

Well done, Leah!!

Ellahmae