I am finding that who I am is changing. I am just noticing now that I am not quite fitting how I use to be. I always use to want people to mother me, I use to kinda of put on this act, I can't really explain it, but I have a friend staying with me this week from the states. When we met online I was very "needy" and she and I connected. I saw something in her I needed, and she see something in me she needed. On her last visit here last yr I was pretty much the "me baby, you mummy" kind of person and I held all these fantasy's in my mind and refused to relate to her the person.

This time It doesn't feel right for me to do that. I am seeing her differently, infact if anything I am the more mature of the 2 of us and I see she has needs also that I never noticed before. I dont know how to describe this without sounding "catty" or "*****y" but its a change that is hitting me in the face right now. Shes a very nice woman, but I guess thats it, I am seeing her and not what I needed her to be like. I see her "defects" her needing to please me, her wanting to impress me. I never saw any of this before because I was to wrapped up in my fantasys.

I am so used to my T's genuine ways, and I dont say genuine meaning my friend is being ungenuine but is still coming from a place of a lot of unconsious ways. Its like I want to say to her "please its ok, you dont have to please me, you dont have to be anything special, its ok your ok just be as you are" I don't know, I guess I am so used to being the one thinking I am not good enought, that I never saw that anyone could see anything in me, would want to be my friend and I would try so hard to please, but being with T I am learning to "just be" and so used to be accepted by T that I just expect that from others also now and forget that others aren't always at that place.

Does this make sense????

[Perna]

Makes perfect sense. I'm glad your friend is from the States so you don't have to "get into it" too much growing faster than she is :-) Is nice though that you're having this reality check opportunity? Good noticing!

im having a similar but different experience with my friends. I needed them and overlooked their flaws. Now I see them and trying to decide what our relationship looks like. Its hard!! Best of luck

[withit]

Makes sooooo much sense...isn't it interesting how we begin to notice when others are not relating 'genuinely' with us.......lots of 'maladaptive behavior' and we pick up on it.....

Since beginning therapy I've nearly fully dropped an old friend....we just don't click anymore....I am outgrowing certain friendships....and picking up new, more emotionally developed friends....people who are self-aware.....not much 'maladaptive behavior' to speak of....I am more realistic about relationships too....not seeing them for who we 'need' them to be, but for who they really are....powerful lesson!