Is it inevitable that a T will sometimes break promises?

I wish I had been healthy enough to walk away sooner. I'm not as good at things like this. I kept making excuses because I cared about her so much. I still miss her.

Like pinkflamingo, I cared about my T. I made excuses for her. I also have low self-esteem. So when there were issues, I assumed it was me because I was the one with mental health issues. Maybe it's because of my issues I looked past her faults? Maybe it's because I'm unhealthy? But it doesn't mean I am or anyone else who has done this is "bad" or "stupid". We're in therapy for a reason. So while you might not understand, many of us do. Count yourself lucky that you never experienced the betrayal or even the level of attachment (or for some transference). It hurts so much.

My T has never promised me anything and I would never want her to. Promises are broken without even meaning and if I am trying to build trust then the last thing I want is to be feeling let down by some promise she couldn't keep.

Everybody will eventually. That is part and parcel of being a member of the human species (well, maybe with rare exceptions). Ts are not exempt: they are human and they are fallible.

I think people in general, and Ts in particular, ought to be very careful with the words they use and the promises they make. And better yet, avoid making promises if the outcome doesn't depend on them & avoid use of "never" or "always" words.

Yet, for some people words are 'cheap' and clearly don't mean much, and they happily keep throwing them around regardless of the pain they might inflict.

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So very true! That's what I was trying to say. It is unprofessional to make promises about things happening never and always. Promises that clearly cannot be fulfilled.



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Scarlet Oh I totally understand what you are saying! I stayed in wrong relationships plenty. Just not with a t but it does not mean I don't know what that is! Making excuses etc I totally hear you! Trust me I experienced betrayal and it doesn't make me bad or stupid either.

I was primarily disagreeing with people who said well therapists are humans and things change. Professionals are responsible for their words and actions. You can't be just saying things because you are human and things change!

I never said it is clients responsibility in any shape or form


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I just don't think the word "promise" should be used by a T. There are too many unknowns in life to be making promises especially to dependent, attached, experiencing transference, or scarred clients. A T is only meant to be in our lives for a time, not for life. And while a friendship might develop, even friendships often end.

That's why I appreciate that new T says "I'll try my best..."

I agree. The promise-breaking for me was the worst part. She told me for 5+ yrs she wouldn't abandon me, even suggested outright and plainly (in an email I have in my saved mail) that I move with her when she retires.

How do you deal with that? I don't know how.

Move in with her? And she changed her mind later? Ridiculous

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Not move IN with her but move cities with her. Yeah. Even at the time it seemed weird.

My bad. I was mortified at first. This isn't as horrid but still....I could see moving cities to be closer to ill parent or kids, I am not moving cities to live closer to t. I tend to be rather blunt and my reaction would be probably loudly laughing. Why do they say things like that? So crazy

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I actually would have at that point. That's how completely messed up my attachment was. Plus I am isolated here and I don't live in a city where I speak the main language.

But our relationship is completely different now. Abandoned and boundaries and all that. So I don't think the invite stands.

I think no one, including a T, has any business making a promise they aren't sure they can keep.