[Perna]

It sounds like you have yourself in a bit of a double-bind there? You don't want to admit the things you are afraid of lest you feel childish about yourself but you do to yourself anyway? You know what they are.

What I found (I was treated for GAD too) is that what I imagined would happen, how it would be, it usually wasn't like that. Fear is about what is going to happen in the future and we don't know the future so it is actually just fantasy. If you are going to fantasize, why not do warm, sunny days on the beach rather than, "that's going to make me feel. . . " something negative?

So, you have, "I was afraid to talk to my relative when we went out." That's a very good, distinct "problem" description! Be proud of yourself for observing it and stating it so succinctly. What can you do about it next time?

Or, you wait and tell your T, "I was afraid to talk to my relative when we went out." Imagine your T saying something like, "Oh, I sometimes find it hard to talk to certain people too, what about this relative made it difficult for you do you think?" Nothing embarrassing there. Some people are harder to talk to than others for everyone. No one "likes" to ask a boss for a raise and this relative might remind you of a boss or teacher you had or might have criticized you in the past and you are afraid that will happen again, etc.

Make it a game. When you write, "I was afraid to talk to my relative when we went out" then write numbers 1., 2., and 3., underneath and try to find three "reasons" that could be. First, change "my relative" to the person's name, whatever you call them, "Martha" or "Aunt Martha" (my stepmother's good friend from before I knew them so I called her "aunt" as a child) and think specifically about your relationship.

1. She dresses funny and I'm embarrassed by it and wished I did not have to be there in the restaurant with her in public (my "aunt" Martha would wear white knee-socks in her 60's and 70's, with a pleated skirt, and fur jacket! I was a teenager and that definitely wasn't cool :-) so I tried to distract myself from having to be there, pretended I was not. If I had talked to her I would have had to be "present" with her.

2. Aunt Martha does not display consistent moods or behavior and I am a bit afraid of her, not knowing what to expect at any given time. If I don't say anything she cannot criticize or upset me as much.

3. I don't really know Aunt Martha that well and feel "alone" out with her. I feel like she is an adult and I'm a child and that if "something happens" I won't be able to take care of myself well, never mind her if someone picks a fight with her for some reason and she gets even more embarrassing.

The more you can write down and share with your T, the more you will know about yourself and how you view the world and think, etc. You have to know all that stuff before you can "look at it" and not just be generically afraid of everything that moves?

[AnxiousGirl]

I see a psychologist for GAD and other issues. I don't really enjoy going to be honest my parents sort of made me go even though I'm 19. So anyways, I keep to myself quite a lot with almost everyone in my life. Now my therapist is trying to push me so I can tell her how I feel and she's given me homework in which I have to share my raw thoughts. Honestly I have a lot of thoughts but I'm so embarrassed to share them with her because it just makes me feel like theres something wrong with me. Like if I write down "I was afraid to talk to my relative when we went out" thats going to make me feel SO childish about myself. I just can't admit the things I'm afraid of.

What should I do?

[annoyedgrunt84]

Your thoughts are nothing to be ashamed of, they're just thoughts, not actions. And you don't have to share anything with anyone if you don't want to. That said, the only way the therapy process can work is if you tell her/him exactly what you're thinking and feeling. I don't have a complete idea of how therapy works myself, though I know some of it is the therapist giving you other ways of thinking about your problems and in some sense trying to give you thoughts to have handy to counter your anxiety thoughts.

[annoyedgrunt84]

After re-reading your post I think you should be aware of one other fact and that is that therapists are trained to listen to you in a non-judgemental way. It is literally part of the job description for them.

[nicoleflynn]

Be honest.

[Webgoji]

The way I always approach it is that I admit to myself that I have feelings or whatever and I don't know what to do with them or how to cope with them or whatever. Then I explain it to my therapist in the same way as if I was going to a regular doctor or mechanic. I can't get help if I don't explain the problem.

If you had a lump growing on the side of your neck, would you tell your doctor about it? If your engine was making a weird sound would you tell the mechanic about it? Those aren't embarrassing situations so there's no reason that not understanding or being able to deal with feelings should be any different.

And to be honest, I wish I got some good homework from my therapist. Nothing ever gets resolved, just talked about it. Some good homework should help you work through things.

[knash1968]

Originally Posted by AnxiousGirl

I see a psychologist for GAD and other issues. I don't really enjoy going to be honest my parents sort of made me go even though I'm 19. So anyways, I keep to myself quite a lot with almost everyone in my life. Now my therapist is trying to push me so I can tell her how I feel and she's given me homework in which I have to share my raw thoughts. Honestly I have a lot of thoughts but I'm so embarrassed to share them with her because it just makes me feel like theres something wrong with me. Like if I write down "I was afraid to talk to my relative when we went out" thats going to make me feel SO childish about myself. I just can't admit the things I'm afraid of.

What should I do?

The fact that you are having the thoughts you mentioned would be, exactly the reason you should try to do this homework. You may learn something about yourself - it's not going to be easy and it feels like a "Catch 22," 'why would you express this to her when it makes you feel immature?'
From someone who has been there, please, take the chance to open up and let yourself be vulnerable, for the sake of therapy.
Now, if you do not feel you have a good rapport with this therapist, I suggest, choosing another and another, until you feel comfortable with someone - that is a very important factor in therapy!
Best of luck to you... you can get through this!

[ForeverLonelyGirl]

I've noticed that all your posts say basically the same thing. You don't want to tell your therapist anything, you are afraid to tell her personal information and basically you just do not want to be in therapy. Are you being coerced into going or are you court ordered? Are your parents forcing you to go?

It does sound that anxiety is getting the best of you in which case a therapist could really help. If you are not ready to go and open up, it seems rather futile to go. If a therapist has to pull everything out, it will take a long, long time to help. If you could look at the therapist as someone that is one your side and not the enemy, it would help a lot. They have to keep in confidence whatever you tell them.

Unless you open up to her, you may as well do something else.

[marmaduke]

Do your homework!
You MUST do your homework. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Nothing. Your problems are not childish.
I at the age of 30 was afraid of the world, panic attacks, couldn't go shopping on my own (difficult as I didnt really have any friends to go with) In desperation I went and saw a hypnotist, not easy for someone with social phobia. How I cringed when I tried to explain my problems, I mean, a scareycat 30 year old.
Anyway, I did tell him, he was fine it was stuff he heard on a regular basis, no big deal to him, only to me.
It helped, along with other therapy (mostly self help)
I remember my first BIG task. I was to look at, smile, and cheerfully say 'Hello' to the postman. Wow. I was SO proud of myself when I managed to do that for the first time.

I am much better now, I'm never gonna be the life and soul of the party but I can (almost, Ha!) pass for normal now.
So, write your worse fears down. All of them, right? And do it. Lets get this show on the road.

Oh, one more thing. This is not a quick process, it took me 3 years to feel 'normal' but never ever give up, you WILL get there.

Originally Posted by AnxiousGirl

I see a psychologist for GAD and other issues. I don't really enjoy going to be honest my parents sort of made me go even though I'm 19. So anyways, I keep to myself quite a lot with almost everyone in my life. Now my therapist is trying to push me so I can tell her how I feel and she's given me homework in which I have to share my raw thoughts. Honestly I have a lot of thoughts but I'm so embarrassed to share them with her because it just makes me feel like theres something wrong with me. Like if I write down "I was afraid to talk to my relative when we went out" thats going to make me feel SO childish about myself. I just can't admit the things I'm afraid of.

What should I do?

It sounds like you are simply not quite comfortable opening up to this particular T and trusting her. Every therapist is not right for every client, and sometimes we just don't click with a particular therapist. I have had two Ts I never told certain rather important personal things about myself; they were good therapists as far as I can tell, but the connection just wasn't there and I wasn't about to trust them with the things that were painful for me to admit. Once I did find a T who was a good match for me, talking about those shameful things became... not easy, but at least not impossible.

How long have you been seeing this therapist? Do you think that it could be a matter of the two of you not matching very well? Only you can be the judge of that, of course.

Never been given homework. Not missed anything.
Homework us someone else's idea of what you need to do.

Don't do it and be honest when she ask.

My therapist gave me two or three homework assignments in the beginning, and when I was finally able to tell her how sick homework made me, she heard me. She never gave homework again.