[jacq10]

So i just finished up my second semester at University, and along with that came the finishing of my sessions with my T as she is going on vacation for 2 months (btw i am still living in my University town for the summer and am taking a distance ed course - therefore making me still eligible for counselling) Anyways, her and I didn't exactly "hit if off" so i dont really mind that she is leaving. That being said .. i'm not sure if i want to see someone else for the summer, or if i want to see how i do on my own ... I know it doens't seem like a huge deal or anything, but i just feel ... so... lost almost. If i do see someone else it will be my third T this year and i dont know if i can do the whole starting again thing, but i also don't want to be put in the position where i get really bad again and don't have anyone to talk to.

Sorry i'm rambling ... but if anyone has any sorts of thoughts on the matter it would really help me out in trying to make some sort of a decision.

[jacq10]

Can I just add that i have no sweet clue how i feel about anything right now? What am I looking for help for by going to see a T? Do I just want to keep seeing someone so that I feel “different” than others? So I can say that I can relate to being depressed? So I can say that I’ve been there, and that so when someone asks me how I am I can say I’m only “okay” and have something to justify that with? Am I looking for sympathy? Empathy? Anything? First of all .. if any of that is true what kind of person does that make me? Certainly not anyone i want to be ... anyone that i ever though i was. What does this all mean? I’m so confused right now … and if I were to see a new T… what would I go in and say? I’d have to explain my family I guess … but I think I’m moderately okay with how things are going there. If I were to just go in and be like .. yeaah, I don’t know whats wrong with me. Sometimes I’m happy, and sometimes it feels like there is this underlying sadness that follows me wherever I go? Oh, but sometimes I feel like I’m just making stuff up, so I might be wasting your time. By the way I don’t really have a lot to say … just that I don’t know how I feel. Okay? Cool? Okay now your turn to talk. – I don’t think so. They’d just think I’m some whack job who wants to come in and complain and waste their time while they have actual people with actual problems to take care of. ASLDKFJALSKDFJASD

I'm sorry .. i'm making absolutely NO sense what-so-ever right now .. feel free to ignore

[MissCharlotte]

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Sometimes I’m happy, and sometimes it feels like there is this underlying sadness that follows me wherever I go? Oh, but sometimes I feel like I’m just making stuff up,

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Jacq, These are your feelings and your feelings are valid. I have also suffered from feeling like I am making things up. I believe that it is a common sentiment, stemming from all sorts of possibiiities. I sincerely doubt you would be dismissed by any caring professional. It sounds like, although you say you didn't really care for your T, you may have made some connections with her. Can you see her again fall term when she returns?
If so, would you want to? Maybe try setting that up in advance if that's what you want and using the University services for emergency if needed. Another alternative would be to begin again now but ask the T if they will be there in the fall and if you can continue from one term to the next. I would just die if I had to change my T now, after 7 months of hard, hard work! However, if you are ready for a change then now's as good a time as any.

Yes, it's okay to ask for help and yes, you are worth it. Maybe what you are looking for is validation. It let's us move forward in life and not an insignificant thing.

Good luck.

[jacq10]

(((((((((((((((sister))))))))))))

Thank you so much for your kind response. I dont know whether i feel better or worse this morning ... but I think what you said about validation may have some truth to it. I feel like i'm hanging in some sort of limbo if that makes any sense ... and need a kind of direction.

I suppose i don't need to make my decision right now anyways, but thanks so much for your input.

[Rapunzel]

I'd like to back up what sister said, about your feelings being valid. Feelings are not right, or wrong, or a waste of time. They just are. You feel how you feel.

As to whether or not to see a T, I would suggest that you keep it in mind, for a few reasons. (1) You sound like you might want to, which is a pretty good sign that you might benefit from it. (2) Underlying sadness. That can be hard to get rid of without help, and really keeps you from being able to enjoy life fully. (3) Difficulty identifying how you feel. Therapy can really help with making sense of and understanding yourself and your feelings.

You deserve to be more than just "moderately okay." You aren't wasting anybody's time, any more than any of the rest of us are.

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((( jacq ))))))))))))))))

What Rap said!!
.
Fuzzy

[jacq10]

(((((((((((((((((Rapunzel)))))))))))))))
Thank you so much for taking the time for me, and also for the reasurance that maybe i'm not making things up - it really is a big deal for me as i tend to minimize things about myself quite a bit. I'm still undecided on what i'm going to do ... think i might wait it out a bit and just try and play things by ear.

((((((((((((((((((Fuzzy))))))))))))) As always, thanks for your support, it truly does mean alot

[Perna]

Jacq, I started seeing a T in college and it took another 10 years before I found the "right" one and was finally on track and had a clue what I was doing.

If it makes you more comfortable, helps you as you study and gives you a bit of a "purpose" then I say go. I went to summer school and did a group at the counseling center that session. You might try that if they have it and see what a whack job YOU aren't :-)

[jacq10]

(((((((((((((((Perna)))))))))))))) Thank you for the smile and you're input.

I think i just may go in when i go back on campus tomorrow ... things have only gotten worse in the past couple days I started bawling in church this morning because they played a very meaningful song to me ... it was so embarassing. And then tonight at work near the end of my shift. Things are just all so overwhelming, and on top of everything else i think talking to someone (again) might be beneficial ... even if it means starting over again. Who knows, maybe i'll meet someone who i do "click" with ...

Thanks again everyone