Anxious about asking for a reduced fee

So I'm tossing in bed.....I see t tomorrow and I'm anxious....because tomorrow's the last day I can pay for therapy....I have paid out of pocket.....she does not accept any insurance...and seeing a t at the clinic is not an option for me....I walked in there one day and asked if they staff psychologists and they said no...only social workers....recent grads...all younger than me.....uh oh...that don't work for me......So here I am, paying this shrink full fee. The only way I can continue to see her is if she reduces the fee....but really reduce it. I pay now $150. $75 would still be difficult but doable. I don't know how to ask for it. Funny how I so easily dole out advice to others...but when I'm in a ditch....I don't know how to pull myself out of it....
I've begun seeing her about two months ago. I don't yet feel a strong connection, not much of a connection...and I've my doubts whether therapy will work with her....I don't feel the warmth.....I think to talk to her tomorrow about what it is I want from her....I feel like a pig wanting so much from her...fee reduction....warmth....I hate to be asking for so much from one person....I want to be self-sufficient.....I want to win the lottery so I can pay full fee and then I'd feel ok about asking for the emotional attunement I want....

she does not accept any insurance

Withit,

My T doesn't either but I am able to submit the bill to my insurance company and they reimburse me.

Have you checked that out?

Hi Withit,

Thinking of you and wishing you all the best with your appointment tomorrow. At least so far, when I've had to talk to mental health providers about their fees, I think all of them have been willing to have some flexibility about it when they are taking cash payments only and are not taking insurance. I know it can be a hard subject to raise, but if you tell the T first of all that you want to keep coming and keep working on the process with her....you just need an affordable fee in order for that to be possible...hopefully she'll offer a lower fee option to you. I think most Ts offer some lower fees in certain cases where necessary. A lot of people can pay the full price, but I think Ts generally know not everyone can.

Thinking of you and hoping it will all go smoothly tomorrow....

Take care,
ErinBear

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I want to win the lottery so I can pay full fee and then I'd feel ok about asking for the emotional attunement I want....

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First of all, withit, no professional, ethical therapist is going to deliberately give you "less" in session if you are paying a sliding scale fee. What you pay does not determine the therapy she gives you in session. If she agrees on a fee, then she will give you same services she gives anyone.

That said, it may still feel too much to you to ask for 2 things in the same session: reduced fee and more emotional attunement/warmth. How about dealing with the fee this session and the other issue at the next session? If she can't give you $75/session every week, maybe you could still pay $150/session every other week. The cost would be the same. It would be better than nothing, and it would help you keep the therapeutic relationship you've worked hard to develop.

As for the warmth, after two months, it seems odd it wouldn't have manifested itself by now if she is capable of it or wants to project that. Her model may be to present a more inaccessible, neutral facade. That is not for everyone.

Hope it goes well tomorrow.

Withit, have you discussed this with her at all previously?

I would work to think of ways to pay her back in the future? Ask for a partial reduced fee and partial "loan" until you are finished and can pay her "back" -- credit if you will? The British have an interest-free loan thing for "training" purposes http://www.bap-psychotherapy.org/BAP_Prospectus.pdf maybe you can think of some way you'll be able to pay in the future, some way therapy will help you to earn more?

Do you get Christmas bonus, yearly bonus, or tax return, etc.? You can pledge them?

I would start by discussing length of therapy and what you and she have in mind and go from there to cost?

Oh yes, until now I've been paying her with the money I received in tax return. Now the barrel's empty....

Good luck, Withit. I hope she is willing to work with you. It's ok to ask things of your T-- that what she is there for. Because you need her.

Yes! Yes! Yes! I'm going to pay $90 instead of $150!!!! YippeeeeeeeHurraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In two months we will revisit the topic....But in the meantime I can sleep peacefully...............

Good for you!!

That's awesome! I know that must have been really difficult to do.

That is great news withit!!!!

You did it!

Hurray!!!

Great news withit!!!

I'm glad you managed to ask about it as that must have been really difficult....

Sidony

Dear Withit,

How brave of you to bring this topic up! I know that was hard! I'm so glad you were able to talk about it with your T, and come up with a lower fee together. Yay for you! and your T too! :-)

Best wishes,
ErinBear

Just want to thank you all for rejoicing with me!!
Here's a virtual toast to all! (Insert toast smiley )