So it's been nearly three months since I last saw/spoke to my old therapist. I've been considering seeing him again, as I've been extremely depressed and non-fucnctional. Yes, you can relate some of that to still be being sad about how things ended between us, but it's also because I feel like I have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing with my life. Every day feels the same. I liked him initially beacuse he's always been so harsh and honest with me. I feel like it would be the wake up call to really get things together in my life.

Or...I could just be using an excuse to talk/see him. Maybe. I realize I might have to be prepared to talk about how ending our relationship affected me. Not sure if I even want to go there, as he seemed pretty dismissive about my feelings for him. Granted, HE is one that had said he wanted to have sex with me, but wouldn't, because of boundaries. Not sure how I'm supposed to face him after all this time, knowing that information.

Maybe it wouldn't be a good idea to see him again, but I feel my current psychoanalytic therapist isn't a good match. We don't TALK much. I don't feel accomplished coming out of there. Not sure what to do. There's a part of me that's almost too embarrassed to have him see me now. I've gained almost ten pounds since I last saw him. I don't feel attractive at all. I know that shouldn't matter when it comes to therapy...but it does.

For reference, here is my post regarding my last interaction with my old therapist (if you scroll down, you'll see the texts that transpired):

http://forums.psychcentral.com/psych...erapist-4.html

[JaneTennison1]

That's a self destructive impulse if ever I heard one. This guy drove you crazy and was inappropriate. Don't go back. Find a new T and put your energy into you.

[Chummy]

Don't go back. He said he wanted to have sex with you. A T shouldn't say such things, even though he didn't try to have sex with you. He is not a good T even though you like him for being harsh and honest with you. Going back to him would probably do you more wrong than right.

If you don't feel good talking to your current T, the go look for another. It can be difficult to find a good/right T for you. But your old T isn't good for you.

Originally Posted by Chummy

Don't go back. He said he wanted to have sex with you. A T shouldn't say such things, even though he didn't try to have sex with you. He is not a good T even though you like him for being harsh and honest with you. Going back to him would probably do you more wrong than right.

If you don't feel good talking to your current T, the go look for another. It can be difficult to find a good/right T for you. But your old T isn't good for you.

Well what if I was the one who screwed everything up? I feel like he started out being very good for me. I don't know. I feel like maybe we could move past my feelings eventually and I can pretend he never said what he did about finding me attractive/wanting to sleep with me. I know it's inappropriate, but he never acted on it, and would never intend to.

If he's willing to forget and move forward, then so am I.

[precaryous]

Your old T has proven he doesn't know how to conduct his own life and career. Damned if I would give him another shot at screwing up mine.

[JaneTennison1]

Of course he would want to forget being professionally inappropriate and rude. From what you've shared of his texts I'm creeped out. It's not your "fault". If I go into my T session saying "please do me, I'm into it" it's still her professional responsibility not to respond to a vulnerable person. This guy is gross. You didn't progress the first time, why would you this time? What would be different?

Originally Posted by JaneTennison1

Of course he would want to forget being professionally inappropriate and rude. From what you've shared of his texts I'm creeped out. It's not your "fault". If I go into my T session saying "please do me, I'm into it" it's still her professional responsibility not to respond to a vulnerable person. This guy is gross. You didn't progress the first time, why would you this time? What would be different?

I did progress, in the first six months. After that, obviously things got dicey. I know he shouldn't have said the things he said. But this time apart has allowed me space to think.

I dunno. I'm not even sure I will do it, or if I even have the courage to (possibly) turn my life upside again, if it ends up going sour. Admittedly life has been easier without him, but I miss the rapport and and familiarity we had. I don't have a lot of people in my life, and he was a huge staple.

[JaneTennison1]

Originally Posted by winenot3

Admittedly life has been easier without him, but I miss the rapport and and familiarity we had. I don't have a lot of people in my life, and he was a huge staple.

I would focus more on widening the circle of good people you have rather than just inviting a toxic a**h**le back in just to fill a gap.

He said he wanted to "f*** you nasty". That is evidence enough that he shouldn't be anyone's therapist.
Consider it a lucky escape and move on.

[missbella]

Just from your posts here, you didn't seem the least bit happy under his influence, and I don't see how you can call the relationship you had moving forward with YOUR life. Your posts gave me an image of tigers chasing each other around a tree.

If you get in touch with these folks, you'll find others whose therapists played with their heads.
www.therapyabuse.org

[AllHeart]

Originally Posted by winenot3

Well what if I was the one who screwed everything up? I feel like he started out being very good for me. I don't know. I feel like maybe we could move past my feelings eventually and I can pretend he never said what he did about finding me attractive/wanting to sleep with me. I know it's inappropriate, but he never acted on it, and would never intend to.

If he's willing to forget and move forward, then so am I.

You didn't screw anything up. This T was actually emotionally abusive to you. You were a victim in his disturbing game. He's a perverted old man and no way is he going to forget.

I can understand that you are in a desperate place and need a change. Have you discussed with your current T the lack of connection you feel? Knowing what we all know here, I would highly advise you not to return to this former T. Ever. I would be surprised if he would even agree to take you back on as a client given he was so inappropriate and unethical.

[lunatic soul]

I dont think he wants sex with you but he is man and if there were no boundaries he wouldnt say no to attractive women not specially you. Men have different thinking about sex.
Most of men would like to f.. me, my T said it too. I dont think it means anything, they always want sex with attractive women or even not much attractive.
Men dont like when women acts miserable except if they like to use their power over them and it seems that your T likes it, he laughs about you by his text messages and feels so powerful over you. I would hate him and show that I am strong not that miserable girl.

Im sorry if I am harsh, I just wanted to tell what I think. If you hope he will be something more than your T, you waste your time. I suggest you to start to live?
How old are you? Do you have partner? Do you really want that old granfather? Do you really think he is still able to have sex with anyone?

Maybe you want just someone who listens and cares, then talk...not play testing games. You cant manipulate with T, they see it.

I wish you well.

[unaluna]

...

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by lunatic soul

I dont think he wants sex with you but he is man and if there were no boundaries he wouldnt say no to attractive women not specially you. Men have different thinking about sex.

Most of men would like to f.. me, my T said it too. I dont think it means anything, they always want sex with attractive women or even not much attractive.

Men dont like when women acts miserable except if they like to use their power over them and it seems that your T likes it, he laughs about you by his text messages and feels so powerful over you. I would hate him and show that I am strong not that miserable girl.


Im sorry if I am harsh, I just wanted to tell what I think. If you hope he will be something more than your T, you waste your time. I suggest you to start to live?

How old are you? Do you have partner? Do you really want that old granfather? Do you really think he is still able to have sex with anyone?


Maybe you want just someone who listens and cares, then talk...not play testing games. You cant manipulate with T, they see it.


I wish you well.

Your post made me laugh. You are so right.

Many men do want to f.... me and I am almost 50 ( well guys who want to f...also got older but general idea didn't change). When I was younger I thought that means something that men want me and I wasn't selective at all. I slept with more men than is even remotely reasonable.

Over the years and especially now being in therapy I came to realization that it means NOTHING. Just that I am reasonably decent looking, sexy even in my age and easy to get along with. As t says " it is never fulfilling". It never is. It never brought me happiness.

Also it is not unique or validating that some dudes want to do it with me. They want to do it with plenty of other women.

Heck this t actually has a girlfriend and him wanting to screw other women just speaks of his lack of morals, nothing validating

I speak from long life experience. Been there done that, not with t, but you got the point. Stay away from this jerk

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