[RACEKA]

Last week my T mentioned how at some point I would be terminating Therapy. I cried all last week. I felt like I was grieving.
I'm been trying to figure out why I was feeling like that. I come from abusive family & marriage.

This week I figured it out. It's the transference. I'm seeing him as the parent figure that I didn't have. I don't know if I should tell him about it, or not. I don't want to ruin any transference. I like feeling this way. He makes me feel comforted. I don't want it to go away.

What should I do?

[lauren_helene]

What was the context of his discussing terminating? Did you bring it up or he? I totally understand how you feel about this. I think you should tell him because the transference will certainly hurt you more if you don't...

I'm still going through this issue as I type. I didn't broach the subject last time, he did. So, we'll be talking about this next session...

Yeah I;d talk about it.

[RACEKA]

It came up accidently. He asked me if he was pestering me too much about finding outside relationships. I told him I felt like he was pushing me away. He said he wasn't doing that. We were actually done with the session when he mentioned the word terminating. He said it is unethical to keep someone in therapy.

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RACEKA said:
He said it is unethical to keep someone in therapy.

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How so? I'm not really understanding this. It's never unethical to allow someone to keep working, to keep gaining insight.

[RACEKA]

He means forever. He said some T's will do it for the money, but he doesn't feel it's right. I just want to stay until I'm ready to go. I don't even want to talk about this with him now because it depresses me.

[Perna]

I think transference just "is" you can't hurt it? Everybody has it, we have forms of it with regular people we meet, etc. I would definately tell your T what you "figured out" and check it against what he thinks, etc. That's what therapy is all about.

[SecretGarden]

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RACEKA said:
It came up accidently. He asked me if he was pestering me too much about finding outside relationships. I told him I felt like he was pushing me away. He said he wasn't doing that. We were actually done with the session when he mentioned the word terminating. He said it is unethical to keep someone in therapy.

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I really HATE it when my T brings up important stuff like that at the END of a session. What is up with that? Really hate it.

[sidony]

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pinksoil said:
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RACEKA said:
He said it is unethical to keep someone in therapy.

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How so? I'm not really understanding this. It's never unethical to allow someone to keep working, to keep gaining insight.

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I agree. I don't see how this is unethical unless you've tied them up and kept them there against their will. I intend to go to therapy for as long as I think I'm learning from it. Most likely forever.

I hear Woody Allen has been seeing the same therapist every week for 30 years now....

If he's allowed to do therapy as long as he wants, so am I. Dammit.

Raceka, if you're not ready to terminate (and I'm sure you'll know when/if you are), you don't need to be thinking about it and grieving over it. Tell him you're not willing to discuss something like that right now!

Sidony

[RACEKA]

Thanks for everyone's input. I'm going to tell him not to mention terminating until we are ready to discuss it. All it did was put me in bad space.

I will discuss this transference issue with him. I didn't know if I told him it would ruin anything or not.

[lauren_helene]

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RACEKA said:
I told him I felt like he was pushing me away. He said he wasn't doing that. We were actually done with the session when he mentioned the word terminating. He said it is unethical to keep someone in therapy.

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Oh yes my friend, I said the exact same thing to my T not long ago and he ended his sentence exactly the same way your T did.

Welcome to the rollercoaster, hold on tight!

[withit]

I think therapy ends when the client feels he/she no longer wants it.

I intend to be in therapy for a loooong time .

There ain't nothing like plopping down on the couch/chair and have someone's undivided attention, and not have to give anything in return (other than $ of course...)

Therapy is a form of self-nurturing for me. Aerobics feeds me, hot soup feeds me, a massage feeds me, therapy feeds me......

[sunrise]

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withit said:
I think therapy ends when the client feels he/she no longer wants it.

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That seems to be the ideal situation, but we read several examples in our forum here of people being terminated by their T's (or suggesting that they terminate) before they feel ready or against their wishes. So it seems many T's do not subscribe to this notion. Maybe a solution for the client is to have sequential bouts of therapy with different therapists. Go to one T for 2 years until he/she decides you're ready for termination and terminates you, then start again with someone else and see him/her for 2 years, then repeat the cycle. Maybe this is the best we can hope for--sequential longterm therapy with different therapists. The truth is, I feel so attached and bonded to my T that I would never want to do this with anyone else. I had no problem leaving my first counselor (I wasn't bonded with her at all) to go to my current therapist. The strongly attached therapeutic relationship is really a conundrum. Through your attachment, you heal, then you don't want to leave because it is so beneficial to you. If therapists let people stay forever, maybe they would end up with client rosters of largely "healed" people and maybe this isn't what they want their emphasis in practice to be.

[lauren_helene]

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sunrise said:
If therapists let people stay forever, maybe they would end up with client rosters of largely "healed" people and maybe this isn't what they want their emphasis in practice to be.

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Sunny, I agree with this statement. I'm sure they want to have accomplishments like we all do eh?

[sunrise]

Well, I don't view it as the T wanting accomplishments, but rather maybe a desire to help the neediest people. Maybe that would be more satisfying and like they felt they were contributing to the greater good. Like how some T's provide a sliding scale fee structure so that people with lower income are able to take advantages of their services, vs. just serving the well-off or those with insurance.

[RACEKA]

I have such a bond and attachment to him. I just think he doesn't want to keep me on when he feels I should go out into the world and be independent. Therapist are there to help you through a crisis. I don't think I could go to another therapist. I'm not terminating now, so I just have to stay in the here and now.