[jbug]

I am back on daily contact with my T. Everytime this happens I feel like I've been sent to the principal's office and I'm in trouble.

I know he does this just to keep me safe and there are other safeguards in place also but I still feel like a small child everytime I have to call him to check in.

Yesterday I had therapy with him and we talked about me being sick and how that always causes instability for me. He told me to call him before I acted impulsively so when I got home the urges were very strong so I called him. We talked for a few minutes and he told me to call the crisis line last night if I needed to. Well I did and that guy was about as useless as a rubber snake. I called my T's voice mail after and left him a message and will call him when I get home this afternoon like I'm supposed to.

I hate having to be so dependent on other's to keep me safe.

Jbug

[Soidhonia]

Hello Jannie.
I am sorry you are struggling at this time. It is good you are calling you therapist when you need to call them. Just try to take things and day at a time. Take care of yourself Jannie. Soidhonia

[Perna]

Jbug, sorry you're having such a hard time. Doesn't sound like you were dependent on the rubber snake :-) I'd use such encounters to write about them, what was wrong with them and what I would have preferred. That might give you a better feeling for how you are actually doing well at taking care of yourself; you know what you "want" and what is helpful. I would only take the "dependent" part so far -- it's nice to hear another person's voice and know they're there. I use to look my T and Myself up in the phone book when she was away just so I'd know we both "existed" :-) I finally realized after many years that daily contact with "someone" (and radio or TV didn't work) was useful to me, that if I went to the local convenience store and had a little "chat" with the clerk (I had convenience stores I frequented long/often enough so I got to recognize/"know" the clerks and they me) or to the library and just asked the reference librarian a question, etc. that was hugely helpful to me. I don't feel there's anything bad about needing people, daily, and I think it's great your T is helpful in that way. But if I were you, I'd play around with other people and talking to them (like you did with the rubber snake :-) and see if you can't find others that won't be "practical" in a "useful" sense but will be contact and communication and comfort and "there" for you in a sense as your own made up group so you don't feel like it's all being decided by your T and handed down.

I know the feeling jannie--I remember feeling teeth-clenching anger when my T asked me to "check in daily."

I fought hard not to give in and call. I came up with every excuse in the book not to call. But all that did in the long run was make her call me.

But now out of the eye of the hurricane, I can clearly see what she did for me and why.

Try not to look at it like a "dependece" issue, think of it more like "someone really cares enough to keep me safe."

It's a good thing.

[jbug]

Thanks Petunia.

I am really struggling right now with not needing him so much. I feel like I need him way too much right now.

I did make him smile yesterday though cuz I brought him an orange soda because its counseling week. Its Mental Health month and this week is counseling week. I wanted to get him a card but couldn't find one I liked.

jbug

[lauren_helene]

jbug, I'm sorry you are in so much pain. I like that he's checking on you. He's giving you what you need right now.

I'm sure it probably feels like going to the principal's office but really? He's putting an arm around your shoulder when you need it.

I can't even get mine to call me back...where is the love I ask you?

[ErinBear]

Hi Janniebug

I hear what you are saying that it's sort of a mixed bag - and it is hard to have these daily check-ins in a lot of ways, and that it's such a dark time that it is necessary. On the plus side, though, I feel thankful that you have a supportive T and they can provide that kind of support! Hopefully it will help you get through this really difficult period.

As others have said here, I'm having a dark time, too, and my T has different policies....doesn't believe in returning calls, etc. So I feel grateful you are able to get a greater level of support when it's needed. That sounds really positive to me.....

I'm sorry it's such a hard time right now, and I'm hoping things will start looking up soon.

Take care,
ErinBear

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
almeda24fan said:
\putting an arm around your shoulder when you need it.

I can't even get mine to call me back...where is the love I ask you?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

And I can't even get myself to pick up the phone and call mine. What is going on here??

Anyway, JBug-- I understand how you feel dependent... but at least you do have someone who cares a whole lot about you. And you can also be autonomous by taking some steps to make yourself safe. I hope you're doing okay.