I've been feeling really lousy all week. I seem to have 'post break' feelings. I feel my emotional pain physically, a kind of gut wrenching sorrow. I know these feelings, they are an old 'friend' that I've shut away all my life, but they rise up from time to time. I thought about asking for an extra session, but didn't, so I'm experiencing this alone. It was hard to ask since I'm not really sure what she thinks of me, and how she'll respond to this. I think perhaps I should have asked for an extra session - I think it's too late now it's Friday. I've been alone with these emotions all my life. Am I right in thinking that the point of therapy is not to be alone with my feelings anymore but to share them with someone for the first time in my life? Perhaps I'm wasting my therapy money and time by being too indecisive and reticent to ask for an extra session? I think some people on here talk about needing to learn to sit with your emotions yourself. That doesn't make sense to me as I've sat with these emotions by myself all my life.

[stopdog]

I don't think things are that black and white - clients do have different situations. I know the one time I called the first one I see to set up a second appointment in the week - she acted over-the-top glad I did so. She mistakenly believes I will not request assistance from people if I think it would be useful - I do, we just do not agree on when and what would be useful. I have never done it again (mostly because of her over-exhuberance which was distressing to me)

The second one tried to get me to call her more in between appointments - and acted all super happy the couple of times I tried it. I did not find it super useful - but the therapist seemed to think they needed to tell me a lot that it was good I did so (I did not bother saying how unuseful it had been).

So it is possible, that some of them find, with some clients, that it is a good thing rather than a bad thing.

I think it's about feeling our feelings.
I think when we begin the work it feels 'urgent' not to be alone many times.
I know for me it was unbearable many times. I think even if I'd gone everyday there's still those times when it felt unbearable.
I'm sorry you find it difficult to ask for extra sessions. The only way around that is....to spit it out.
It's hard and there is no getting round that. I guess the only consolation is you will get to see T. Unlike the rest of your life when there was no help on the horizon?
Can you journal? That was a help in the beginging.

Originally Posted by stopdog

I don't think things are that black and white - clients do have different situations. I know the one time I called the first one I see to set up a second appointment in the week - she acted over-the-top glad I did so. She mistakenly believes I will not request assistance from people if I think it would be useful - I do, we just do not agree on when and what would be useful. I have never done it again (mostly because of her over-exhuberance which was distressing to me)

The second one tried to get me to call her more in between appointments - and acted all super happy the couple of times I tried it. I did not find it super useful - but the therapist seemed to think they needed to tell me a lot that it was good I did so (I did not bother saying how unuseful it had been).

So it is possible, that some of them find, with some clients, that it is a good thing rather than a bad thing.

It seems ironical that there are some people on this board who are discouraged from seeking support between sessions and others who are encouraged to do so. Perhaps it depends on the T and the client. It doesn't come natural to me to seek support, I've waited till I'm in my 40's to mention my emotions to anyone at all, beyond everyday stuff.

Originally Posted by _Mouse

I think it's about feeling our feelings.
I think when we begin the work it feels 'urgent' not to be alone many times.
I know for me it was unbearable many times. I think even if I'd gone everyday there's still those times when it felt unbearable.
I'm sorry you find it difficult to ask for extra sessions. The only way around that is....to spit it out.
It's hard and there is no getting round that. I guess the only consolation is you will get to see T. Unlike the rest of your life when there was no help on the horizon?
Can you journal? That was a help in the beginging.

Is it about something more than feeling the feelings? I've read some of the neurological stuff about therapy, and it suggests that the emotional support from the T is helpful. Maybe just feeling the feelings alone is not enough?

I know you said you went once a week for the first year, I was wondering how you found that.

Maybe when I get to know my T more I will find it easier to ask.

It was unbearable the first year. But it was still unbearable at times for the next 5yrs!

[Soccer mom]

My first 6 months of weekly therapy was extremely difficult. I had never really cried in front of anyone and cried in front of everyone to the point of having to leave work because I couldn't contain myself. I was too embarrassed to ask for more help and the first 3 months I was going maybe every 1.5 weeks. I also couldn't name my feelings so I would go in my sessions and say "I feel miserable" but I couldn't go any further. It was difficult for both me and T. As I moved to weekly, it was still difficult to have the therapy hangover. So, I would journal every day and give myself little projects like trying to figure out a feeling I was having. I still cried all the time but maybe felt more in control sometimes?

I did ask for another session once and it helped - I had to get a specific topic off my chest. I haven't asked again although I think I could. I felt like if I could somewhat function, then I had to learn to sit with the feelings and process them. I talked to her about feeling alone in all of it and wanting her to be there when I was upset. She reminded me that most of the processing happens outside of the session.

My T. is also one that doesn't text or email. Now, I still feel sad/hurt/longing in between sessions but I know I can make it. I can usually figure out WHY I feel that way which also helps vs feeling horrible and not understanding why.

I think I rambled and maybe this hasn't helped. I don't think there's a right or wrong way to do it. If you are just now dealing with suppressed feelings, you may not be able to see your T. enough to feel better. That's how I felt. Hugs to you - I know how horrible it feels!

Originally Posted by Soccer mom

My first 6 months of weekly therapy was extremely difficult. I had never really cried in front of anyone and cried in front of everyone to the point of having to leave work because I couldn't contain myself. I was too embarrassed to ask for more help and the first 3 months I was going maybe every 1.5 weeks. I also couldn't name my feelings so I would go in my sessions and say "I feel miserable" but I couldn't go any further. It was difficult for both me and T. As I moved to weekly, it was still difficult to have the therapy hangover. So, I would journal every day and give myself little projects like trying to figure out a feeling I was having. I still cried all the time but maybe felt more in control sometimes?

I did ask for another session once and it helped - I had to get a specific topic off my chest. I haven't asked again although I think I could. I felt like if I could somewhat function, then I had to learn to sit with the feelings and process them. I talked to her about feeling alone in all of it and wanting her to be there when I was upset. She reminded me that most of the processing happens outside of the session.

My T. is also one that doesn't text or email. Now, I still feel sad/hurt/longing in between sessions but I know I can make it. I can usually figure out WHY I feel that way which also helps vs feeling horrible and not understanding why.

I think I rambled and maybe this hasn't helped. I don't think there's a right or wrong way to do it. If you are just now dealing with suppressed feelings, you may not be able to see your T. enough to feel better. That's how I felt. Hugs to you - I know how horrible it feels!

Yes your reply helped, thanks. Helps to see that others find it hard too. Is there anyone who finds it easy?