avoidance

nottrustin · Jun 19, 2015, 11:23 AM

Have you brought up a subject in T and then realized you weren't strong enough and want to avoid and further discussion of the issue?? How does T respond?

Ellahmae · Jun 19, 2015, 11:38 AM

Yes. I said I thought I could do this right now but I can't. She responded with I understand we'll table it til you're ready to talk about it.

Jun 19, 2015, 11:43 AM

Something came up in my last session which I shouldn't have talked about - I wasn't ready and I have made a mental note to be more cautious next time and kind of pause and it feels too soon to say something like, I think this will be hard for me to talk about this, I'd rather wait.

Restin · Jun 19, 2015, 01:06 PM

A therapist will surely respect your request if you just tell her you're not ready. As others say here, it's your hour and your money, and you can go at things the way you need to, or put something on the shelf awhile. And the therapist is trained to notice if you're scared and don't want to be pushed. Most of all they don't want to push you into fear you can't take, and drive you to terminate or get more serious symptoms.

If it's one of those subjects that keeps bothering you to talk about, something that works for me is to just go at it indirectly by talking about other people's problems with it in general, just to get used to saying the words and hearing that T isn't judgmental or clumsy with it. Bring it on gradually, maybe mixed in with some other talk, instead of jumping into the deep side of the pool.

gayleggg · Jun 19, 2015, 01:17 PM

Yes, I've done that. My therapist let it go after asking about it a couple of times and getting very little response from me on the subject. Now it never comes up. We left with me knowing what steps I need to take to fix the problem if I decide that I want to work on it. It's not at the top of my priority list.

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nottrustin · Jun 19, 2015, 01:30 PM

When I am in her office I feel safe and okay to discuss almost anything which is why I brought the subject up. I didn't think about after the appointment when I have to deal with all the emotions and pain all alone. I did email her and her response is that I am stronger than I give myself credit for but we will take things one day at a time.

musinglizzy · Jun 19, 2015, 01:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nottrustin

Have you brought up a subject in T and then realized you weren't strong enough and want to avoid and further discussion of the issue?? How does T respond?

YES. It sort of just slipped out.... she continues to bring it up, saying she's patiently waiting for me to feel ready to talk about it. She's going to be waiting a long time! Because it was a slip of the tongue, and I have no intentions of talking to her about it. I said it in frustration, and I regret dangling that carrot in front of her nose. She brought it up again yesterday. But I've learned to get a better handle on what comes out of my mouth.

ruh roh · Jun 19, 2015, 01:44 PM

My therapist is very low key and often suggests leaving a topic for a while. I used think she meant permanently, but when I asked if she was suggesting I stuff it all back down, she said not all all.

I get the impression it's counterproductive for me to push when there's a lot of emotion and rising stress associated with a topic. My therapist's approach feels right for me. There's no rush or demand to tell all. We do sort of seem to circle back at some point, touch down and then move on again, so there's a sense of continuity without total avoidance.

Chummy · Jun 19, 2015, 01:55 PM

No, when I bring up a subject I find hard or diffucult, I only do that when I've thought about it very long. I started seeing my current T almost 3 years ago (with a break of 1,5 years) and I still haven't told her everything that bothers me. So when I tell her something, then I'm ready to talk about it.

But you've the right to say that you aren't ready to talk about yet. It's your therapy, your money. You're in control.

divine1966 · Jun 19, 2015, 02:36 PM

Yup. I was scammed out of very large sum of money. It happened this past winter when my t was out of town for almost a month. I of course told her as soon as she was back but I said I don't want to discuss details, just a general idea. She said "it's ok, no need to share something you don't want to". That was the end of it. Sharing details isn't really helpful or needed at this point. I moved on.

The only people I shared all of the details were police officer, and my brother. Also in written in FBI report. I did need to tell someone every detail and I think if I didn't it would hunt me worse. And that's good enough. If I ever feel I need to revisit it I would tell my t but no need right now.

We do revisit topic of me being scammed as it is related to other changes in my life such as having to work two jobs and unable to travel or even take vacation this year. But we never discuss details of it since I said I don't want to share details

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avoidance

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