[AllHeart]

Sometimes I wonder if having therapy goals would help me. On the one hand I think that it would give me something to work towards, and some accountability. On the other hand, I think I’d just be setting myself up for failure.

Did you ever set up goals with your T? If so, what kind of goals do you have? How often do you review your progress towards those goals with T?

[divine1966]

I don't have goals but there are areas I have to work on, i cabs to therapy to work on them

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[stopdog]

I don't have them - goals would not be useful for me.

[Victoria'smom]

I have vague goals.

[Partless]

Goals are important and necessary for successful therapy and change. But goals have to be things that matter to you personally, not things pushed on you. There's a big difference. For me, for instance, I went in there with PTSD. A simple goal: I don't want to have PTSD! But to get there, I have to do a lot of smaller things, reach smaller goals. Others have other goals, some people want to be happier, have better sex, be more assertive, feel less anxiety, be able to come out to their parents, actualize their potential, whatever.

Sometimes people go to a therapist just to complain about the daily happenings, but they don't want to change, they don't want anything else to happen, just give the guy money and have the person validate you or just sit there and shut up. I guess that's kind of the goal of therapy for them. They are not going in there with a particular mental illness, just want someone to listen to them because there's nobody else in their life like that.

Whatever the reason, I think it's important to know why people are going for therapy. I think a lot of times therapists let the patients decide what the goals are (except time limited therapy of sorts), cause it's important to be on the same page. It makes no sense for a therapist to try to help person change, when they don't want to in any shape or form. Or vice versa, a therapist who just wants to listen and nod his head, but the patient wants something more. So depending on the goals, as in my case, we would review smaller ones every couple of weeks and bigger ones every several months. I need to have space and time and not feel pressured, so my therapists understood that and let me lead the way, mostly providing how-to info about getting closer to my goals.

[iheartjacques]

I have general goals - to be well. And I've had to change a lot of how I do things in the process.

No, goals are not necessary for my therapy; more than that, if I had them the therapy would be pointless and useless. (To be clear, I certainly do not go to therapy to complain, either, and I have never engaged in small talk or meaningless chatter with my T.)

Goals & priorities r important. My T & I set workable goals. For example...we r DID, not being DID is not a workable, measureable goal, achievable goal. Neither is something as vague as doing better. Not measureable. But learning a behavior to deal with dissociation is. We learn what behavior works, how to implement the behavior, practice using it to reduce dissociation. Add it to our tool box & take up another tool. We realized using our tools we can have a great deal of control over when we chose to dissociate. Priorities can change quickly & r sometimes set more by our T. It depends on what life is throwing at us. Sometimes we have to ignore what we planned & deal with a situation or a trigger. Sometimes we don't see the steps involved & our T knows we need to work thru other things first. Usually for us things we'd rather avoid all together !! Darn it! We know this therapy thing is worth the time, money & heartache cuz we can see how much we have improved. With dissociation eg we can actually make a conscious decision to stay or leave. Didn't know that was possible. Wouldn't have believed it possible. & if a trigger overwhelms us we don't panic & make it even worse. We can work with it. We r DID, dissociating is in the DNA so to speak. But workable goals let us know that things r getting better even if it doesn't feel like it.

I've broad overarching goals in therapy. I've not broken them down into specific, measurable, achieveable and time limited goals yet.

However I think my T has her own set of goals for me in the context of schema therapy

[musinglizzy]

My goal is to just keep going. I've been with my T for over a year, and I never thought I'd last beyond a handful of sessions. So, that's an important goal for me.

[PinkFlamingo99]

Right now very specific ones like eating from my meal plan, cleaning lists, not hurting myself, going to work, coming up with some things I like about myself.

Long term goals include being able to finish school, not being as afraid of people and being able to reach out, thinking I'm "okay" (because loving myself seems too unrealistic)

[AllHeart]

Thank you everyone for the input!

Saw my T today. Ironically, she said that it's time to reevaluate and update my treatment plan goals. I told her I didn't know such a plan existed. She told me that's because she did it on her own. Then we both laughed. It was a "wtf" kinda moment, but I felt fine with it so I guess that means I am fine without having goals. At least for now.

[PinkFlamingo99]

Yesterday mine looked at me and said "so what do you think is important to start working on?"

I was like... "Uhhh staying alive?" Lol. We haven't done much deeper stuff since I started seeing her (in Feb) since my functioning was so low.

[AllHeart]

Originally Posted by PinkFlamingo99

Yesterday mine looked at me and said "so what do you think is important to start working on?"

I was like... "Uhhh staying alive?" Lol. We haven't done much deeper stuff since I started seeing her (in Feb) since my functioning was so low.

That is funny, but so NOT funny! If I had goals for T, they'd be about the same as yours...to finish school, not being afraid of people and being able to reach out, thinking I'm "okay" (because loving myself seems too unrealistic). And then that whole staying alive thing!

[Partless]

Originally Posted by PinkFlamingo99

Yesterday mine looked at me and said "so what do you think is important to start working on?"

I was like... "Uhhh staying alive?" Lol. We haven't done much deeper stuff since I started seeing her (in Feb) since my functioning was so low.

Gosh, that's funny and also sad. I do know for some people, those with SI and self harm, that's literally their "goal" from week to week...or day to day, hour to hour, moment to moment....just to survive.

[AllHeart]

Originally Posted by Partless

Gosh, that's funny and also sad. I do know for some people, those with SI and self harm, that's literally their "goal" from week to week...or day to day, hour to hour, moment to moment....just to survive.

And somedays, millisecond to millisecond. Ugh.

[Chummy]

I have some bigger goals, what I want to work on in therapy. And then smaller goals from week to week, to reach those bigger goals.

A long term goal of mine is also to finish school. But right now that's not an option. If I would go back to school now, I know I will drop out again. Right now, I can't handle all the work you get at school. Just to get through the day takes so much energy.

[stopdog]

I would be quite put out if a therapist told me they had planned my goals without telling me.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I would be quite put out if a therapist told me they had planned my goals without telling me.

I would be as well. I'd be pissed. What would be the point for t to plan my goals without talking to me? Am I not supposed to be the one working on those goals or knowing what they are? I could see t maybe unilaterally planning goals for a young child , not for an adult! It scares me they could possibly do that!

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[Coco3]

Me too. I thought therapy was always about the client? You set goals together, not let someone else decide your goals for you. My T always let me take the lead. Whatever I wanted to talk about or work on, that would be the direction we would be going.

[AllHeart]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I would be quite put out if a therapist told me they had planned my goals without telling me.

Yeah. After thinking about this some last night, I am put off. My T can be so weird with some stuff. But yet she is so dang good with a lot of other stuff. Why does therapy, and my therapist both have to be so dang confusing? Ugh!

[PinkFlamingo99]

Originally Posted by Partless

Gosh, that's funny and also sad. I do know for some people, those with SI and self harm, that's literally their "goal" from week to week...or day to day, hour to hour, moment to moment....just to survive.

That's pretty much it too. I wish I could one day get to the point where I am not always fighting self-harm. I feel like I'm never going to get to deeper goals because it's all about "safety" and looking after my horrendous lack of ability to function.