Was T "Over the Line" or Not?

Something is bothering me a little bit about my therapy session last week. It has to do with my religious beliefs.

My t knows what religion I belong to and some of my beliefs, including activities I engage in and activities I avoid for scriptural reasons. However, she does not have much beyond a surface understanding of it. As a general rule, she has been accepting of my religious beliefs. She is of a different religion. Talk of religion only enters my therapy occasionally, as it isn't directly connected with my issues.

However, last week, my t questioned me further about a couple of my religious beliefs. I explained the scriptural reasons for the belief in question. I didn't mind her asking, and I didn't mind giving her an explanation either for why I believe as I do. But what bothered me was that I felt like she went beyond her objective stance and verbalized some disagreement with my beliefs when I explained them to her. I know that everybody has different beliefs, and I don't expect my t to adopt the same beliefs that I do. But if she views an issue differently, it is ethical for her to verbally disagree in my therapy session?

I will try to re-create the discussion if I can.

T: (X) has helped a lot of people learn to relax. Have you ever thought about doing (X)?

Me: No, not really.

T: If I was trained in (X), I'd be teaching it to you myself. Do you have a community center in your area that gives classes?

Me: Yes

T: Would you consider taking a class in (X)?

Me: No, I'd be willing to practice relaxation and stretching, but I wouldn't feel comfortable doing (X).

T: Really? Why not?

Me: I've done some research and (X) is connected with (Y). In my faith, we don't get involved in activities that are connected with (Y) because they conflict with what we're taught in the scriptures.

T: I see. What is it about (Y) that conflicts with your beliefs?

Me: I give one brief example.

T: Hmmm. I'm not sure I see it that way. Don't all religions have a similar focus?

Me: Not always. For example, (Y) puts the main focus on (blank), whereas the scriptures encourage a focus on (blank-blank).

T: In what way? Can you give me an example?

Me: I give one - this time in more detail and with more explanation.

T: OK, I understand better now. But what about (B)? I've never understood why you don't do (B). What could possibly be wrong with doing (B)?

Me: I explain.

T: Oh, OK. I didn't realize that. I have a better understanding of it now.

In general, most of that conversation sat fine with me. But the part that bothered me was this:

"But what about (B)? I've never understood why you don't do (B). [B] What could possibly be wrong with doing (B)?"
At the beginning, she simply states that she doesn't understand one of my beliefs. But in saying "What could possibly be wrong with doing (B)?" - I felt like she was expressing disagreement with my religious choice not to engage in B. I interpreted it as "I think your belief about this is wrong. I think it's perfectly OK to do (B)." The phrase "what could possibly be wrong with. . ." made me feel that she was judging my choice as extreme or unreasonable.

For any of you that consider religion as a big part of your life, would it bother you to have your t question your beliefs in this way and/or disagree with your explanation? Would it seem like she just wanted more information so as to understand you better, or would it feel like she was challenging or minimizing your beliefs?

Also, there was one other occasion about a year ago that bothered me in therapy, when religion got brought up. . .

Me: In our religion, we are encouraged to avoid (C).

T: Well, that's why some people consider your religion a cult.

Me: (feeling a bit surprised and offended): T! It really bothers me that you said that.

T: I'm not passing judgment. I'm just repeating what you said. You told me before that some people consider your religion a cult.

I saw my t yesterday and told her how I feel, and apologized if she made me feel judged. She told me she was only trying to understand me better, not judge my beliefs negatively.

She is a great therapist in many ways, and she has helped me a lot. But even after talking to her about it, it's still kind of bothering me.

Any comments?

umm, In my opinion you're just being too sensitive about your religion.... even if someone questions your beliefs you dont have to get offended so easily...

I don't have an issue like this, but I understand your sensitivity to it. It sounds like your therapist is doing what they do with any way of thinking a person has--they question it as a belief, not a fact; often, this is helpful for people to see if the way they think about something is what's holding them back. However, it doesn't work with religion, and it sounds like she overstepped herself there.

It would definitely be worth talking to her about this, or writing to her, and asking not to question your religious beliefs unless you initiate it.

Doesn't seem out of line to me, and I am a person of faith. I don't mind probing questions about my faith as I don't feel threatened by them, but I don't seek out those discussion either. I see your therapist as trying to understand philosophically where that particular doctrine comes from. It sounds like she heard you when you told her it bothered you and that she apologized and explained pretty much what I just said. The observation that your particular religious affiliation is considered a cult by some may be hurtful, but it is probably also a truthful observation about certain denominations that is rather widely known. Are you not able to trust and accept her apology as genuine? I find I don't discuss denominational doctrine with people, particularly of certain very differing beliefs; just not worth the headache . . . you know what they say about discussing religion and politics. I avoid both except with the most like-minded people.

Thanks for the input. I appreciate it! Sometimes with things that stir up emotion, it can be difficult to be objective.

I probably was being oversensitive. I have a problem with feeling criticized or judged in many areas of my life when no actual criticism is being made. That IS an issue of mine.

So. . .I guess in some ways, this discussion about my religious beliefs IS connected with my issues. . . because it was just one of many other instances where I thought my t was thinking negatively about me.

I don't want to ask my t NOT to ask questions about my beliefs because I feel that it is an important part of my life, and knowing about what I believe might help her be more effective in my treatment. It's not the questions that bothered me. It was just what felt to me like negative judgments.

I realize too that nobody is perfect, including my t, and she did apologize.

Yes, I CAN forgive her!! It warms my heart that she was even willing to apologize, as my parents have never apologized for anything that they've done over the years that hurt my feelings.

I actually love my t a great deal. . .

Thanks everybody!

Peaches