[MissCharlotte]

The day before therapy feels like intense pms. I feel depressed, anxious, confused about all of my issues. I had a distressing dream last night. I even feel nauseous and want to sleep all day. This reaction is physical.

I know that part of this process is the work I am doing right now, the difficult stuff that I am trying to avoid talking about because I am afraid there is really nothing there. No me. No real me becaue I failed to form all those years ago. So I adopted these roles in which I could be significant and accomplished. Scratch the surface and I am like a dandelion--Poof! All gone.

(((sister))) yeah. i get like that before therapy sometimes too. its hard. those feelings of emptiness and fragmentation and utter aloneness. really horrible :-( do you have some good moments of connection with your t? some memories? sometimes they help. those good feelings of connection. some good feelings to fill the emptiness. something to be able to hold on too. hurts sometimes huh. you are there... you are... i'm sorry it hurts so much :-(

I had a somatic reaction to therapy once.... but it started an hour before therapy and was so bad that I couldn't talk to him in session because I thought if I did, I would puke. It's incredible what our minds can do do us, in regards to our bodies, as a response to the intensity of the relationship. Do you think you'll feel okay when you actually see your T? Regain the connection?

[MissCharlotte]

Thanks Alex & Pink.

Yes, I believe I will regain the connection when I see T tomorrow. But it will take some time when I get in that room and then it will be over. My inner little girl is craving a lot of attention lately and working through some heavy duty abandonment. Yes I can connect thinking about his soothing voice.

(phone call interruption ... from my husband; said he just needed to hear a familiar voice, but did not offer one ounce of sympathy, validation, to me when I said I wasn't feeling so good either. Hung up quickly saying he just wanted to say HI.)

He is a BIG part of my problem....My husband whom I love dearly is not connected to himself or me... I guess I cannot avoid couples therapy any longer can I?

[SecretGarden]

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sister said:
The day before therapy feels like intense pms. I feel depressed, anxious, confused about all of my issues. I had a distressing dream last night. I even feel nauseous and want to sleep all day. This reaction is physical.

I know that part of this process is the work I am doing right now, the difficult stuff that I am trying to avoid talking about because I am afraid there is really nothing there. No me. No real me becaue I failed to form all those years ago. So I adopted these roles in which I could be significant and accomplished. Scratch the surface and I am like a dandelion--Poof! All gone.



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I understand... Sometimes things are hard for me to reach though they seem like a rock in the room that I might not ever figure out how to work in to it. Maybe the rock is empty? I don't know...similarities.

I have been feeling an absence of stuff in my life...empty. I think many of us wonder what the center is ...no matter what we have around the inside.

http://dr-bob.com/

:-(

sorry... thats probably far from transparent. i represent the fragmentation / emptiness / aloneness as the static that happens when tv isn't tuned. or when it gives up for the day. that black and white static with the really loud aversive sound. my metaphor for it i guess. i hit the bottom of the cliffs sometimes. in my dreams. and get the static. wake up in a cold sweat. ugh.

[SecretGarden]

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alexandra_k said:
http://dr-bob.com/

:-(

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Wow... I could stare at that and it would bring much to me..... could be it's own post... really.

[SecretGarden]

lol.... sometimes my PMS starts before the session or sometimes it is like...add therapist and stir...poof...PMS.

Does your PMS disappear during or after therapy or does it continue for days afterward... for the working through ?

p.s. finally convinced my guy that I suffer from it by sharing land mines and the news that I am bleeding or ready to. I know he must appreciate that...lol.. But finally he admits that it is part of me that might need to be dealt with.

[MissCharlotte]

Alex, that was an intense link, but one that i can really relate to at time. It made me dizzy! Pictures really do speak louder than words.......

Secret, the pms feeling is just the day before and the session is like the release. Then after a few days it starts all over again, just like a real cycle.

I am so tired now after the intense feelings this morning...and nauseous again--more somatic response as Pink said.

Thanks friends.

[dreamrunner]

Wow! I totally get worked up before therapy as well,but for me its a build up of anxiety as the session approaches.I too have had the restless sleep the night before.Fitfull sleeps.Nightmares too.
Therapy has never been that pleasurable for me and Ive never looked forward to one ever.Mabie my therapist sucks and I dont have much to compare him to.
Im a pro at avoiding....I think thats what gets to me......now I have to deal with the stuff I avoid.
Thinking good things,stay strong..Take care.