New T, are these red flags?

Lauliza · Jul 03, 2015, 07:53 AM

I'm surprised she made the appointment for July 4th- she impulsively made the appointment to be flexible to without thinking about he reality of it all. That is a problem of practitioners with small ones at at home - both of mine have them and the bottom line is things come up and app

granite1 · Jul 03, 2015, 08:03 AM

hey velcro003 I have not read all the responses but wanted to respond so sorry if it is redundant. my T use to cancel a lot on Mondays because every holiday in existence seem to fall on a sunday or Monday so I switched days. Saturdays seem to be a problem for her already .im sorry for that. I would at least expect her to offer another time when this happens . im sorry that things have gotten to a point that you are back in T . I hope you are ok.

Lauliza · 08:28 AM

I'm surprised she made the appointment for July 4th- it is a national holiday after all that young kids usually love. Save for ER doctors and nurses most people don't work if they don't have to (unless they don't celebrate it). It was poor planning on her part but she sounds like she was trying to be flexible and didn't think. With a family she should have not made promises that she might have suspected she couldn't keep.

Both my pdoc and T have young kids and the bottom line is things come up and appointments may be cancelled last minute. It should go happen all the time, however outside of unusual circumstances. There could be some inflexibility with scheduling and time due to childcare as well. My pdoc has to leave on the dot on certain days to pick up his kids- which is of course normal but stinks if you're the last client and running late. Still thats on the client to manage since he's there when he should be. My T on the other hand isn't as organized and was late a lot and often cancelled. With very small children that is the reality, but as they get to school age an organized T should manage their time well. It's just important for them to be straightforward about what they can and cannot do, targeting than offering appointments they may not be able to keep (like on a national holiday). Seeing clients back to back shouldn't be an issue so long as you are getting the time you pay her for. If she needs to take a break that's up to her to manage, which I'm sure she does somehow; that is not for you to worry about.

velcro003 · Jul 03, 2015, 08:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lolagrace

Honestly, if I were you, I'd save this discussion for one-on-one with your therapist and try to keep the other 952 opinions of PC out of it. It seems to be distressing you to hear them all. Take a breather and wait until you can discuss this directly with your therapist and I suspect you will have a better feel about what to do.

Probably true.

rainbow8 · Jul 03, 2015, 08:53 AM

Good luck with your appointment! If you want pocket riders, I'll be there. Just be honest with your T and hear what she has to say. Listen to your gut feeling afterward and you'll be okay.

Jul 03, 2015, 02:19 PM

I can accept that T has days off. What would bother me is that she cancels, rather than try to fit you in on another day that week. You depend on her (well, maybe not a lot yet as you haven't be seeing her for long) being there to talk with every week and just cancelling.. I'd hate that. But if she wants to move the appointment to a Friday, and it fits in my schedule, I wouldn't mind.

velcro003 · Jul 03, 2015, 05:25 PM

Ha, I had a loonngggg, intense session with her today and we didn't even talk about it, except I feel better.

I literally can ONLY see her on Saturdays. My job doesn't allow me to leave during the day, so nights or weekends are it, and she originally said she does saturdays. She walked in and basically we went right into crisis management mode because I spiraled down deep this week. The only reason I could see her today is that my school was closed, so luckily it all worked out. She said when she saw my e-mail asking if she had any openings today, she knew it was important because I seemed really off last week.

I think that time management is not her strong suit (as we stayed WELL over an hour), and if cancellations keep happening, I will bring it up because I won't be able to deal otherwise. Today was really about me admitting to myself I actually have clinical depression and need to try medication again. And admitting to her I self-harm, so those took greater priority, and I am ok with that.

I am not putting this issue off the shelf, but I really, really liked how she handled the session today, and got me to talk about something I have kept secret for many years--and never told my previous therapist.

AllHeart · Jul 03, 2015, 06:45 PM

Happy for your outcome today, Velcro!

SarahSweden · Jul 04, 2015, 05:55 PM

If I felt many other things was good with this T, her way of talking to you for example, that you feel she understands you, I´d try to bring this scheduling thing up. It sounds like you both like and don´t like her way of acting and it´s not always easy to decide as it´s hard to find good T:s.

Personally I´m very sensitive to T:s behaviour when it comes to keep schedules and to keep promises. Probably I hadn´t accepted 2 cancellations in such a short time but it´s all about why she cancelled. Did she tell you in her e-mail why she cancelled on the 4th of July?

I´ve met with several T:s in evaluation that acted as you describe, who doesn´t take time between sessions to collect themselves, take notes and so forth. That gives me the impression they are quite sloppy about their work and that they see clients like a "huge mass of people" instead of individuals. It doesn´t matter if it happens occasionally but if a T regularly take no time between sessions, I really wouldn´t like it.

I would try to bring this thoughts up, saying her acting made you feel a bit ill at ease.

Quote:

Originally Posted by velcro003

Hi guys--I don't post much anymore, but i do read the boards every day.

I just started seeing a new T a few weeks ago. She cancelled the 3rd appointment because she forgot to tell me she was co-facilitating a group that weekend (i do saturday appointments). I was disappointed because I had a tough week at work, but went the week after, which was last saturday.

It was a tough session (as this is only my 3rd session with her), got into some deep stuff and brought up some old fears of mine, which i journaled out and was ready to bring up on saturday. When we left last saturday, i reminded her that this saturday was the 4th. She paused to think about it and said it should be fine, as no one does fireworks during the middle of the day (she has two young kids).

I just received an email from her saying she has decided she was going to take Saturday off, and we will meet the week after. My heart plummeted because this week has been VERY hard for me, and was looking forward to talking to someone about it.

Besides the two cancellations in 5 weeks, she seems to keep a loose time boundary (at least from what i've experienced with my past two therapists). She usually runs about 10-15 min late, ushers out the previous client, and ushers me in right after, which makes me feel a little bad about.Like shouldn't she be taking time for herself? She also keeps me a full hour, which i GREATLY appreciate.

All that being said, this is the first therapist that i feel connected to, or feel like i will be connected to as time goes on. But if these are major red flags of trouble ahead, maybe i should bow out now? I don't want to do that, and its really hard to find a therapist who can do weekend/nights.

velcro003 · Jul 04, 2015, 06:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SarahSweden

I´ve met with several T:s in evaluation that acted as you describe, who doesn´t take time between sessions to collect themselves, take notes and so forth. That gives me the impression they are quite sloppy about their work and that they see clients like a "huge mass of people" instead of individuals. It doesn´t matter if it happens occasionally but if a T regularly take no time between sessions, I really wouldn´t like it.

I definitely don't get the vibe that she treats me as a "huge mass of people." Maybe she can quickly switch between clients, I don't know. She has seemed to be 100% focused on me, so that part doesn't bother me. The cancellations have actually lessened in my mind because she saw me yesterday, and let me stay a long time due to spiraling down a bit in the past week. I actually felt huge anxiet after for staying so long and e-mailed her today. She replied that as a benefit of her having a private practice, that sometimes sessions need to go long, and she will do it as needed, which made me feel a lot better.

Right now I am more focused on managing my day to day life, and she is helping me with that.

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