[secretgalaxy]

What is it like?

I can't lie or minimize anything as my therapist talked to them about me.

I'm scared, honestly, as I don't know if I want to even do this. I feel seriously trapped.

[growlycat]

Is it just an assessment or do you know if you are definitely going? I've never done partial but it sounds way better than IP

Programs vary, so it is hard to say what yours will be like compared to what others have experienced. In the hospital I used, the only real difference between IP and PHP is that PHP patients are only there during the day. They are allowed to leave the unit during the day if they desire. Pretty much everything else follows the same exact routine as IP. PHP patients generally showed up after breakfast and their day ended after the last afternoon group (about 3PM). Same groups, visits with Pdocs, etc. It's an option if being home alone all day creates problems for you. It's helpful if pdocs want to keep a closer eye on you and be able to monitor and adjust meds daily if needed.

[secretgalaxy]

It's an assessment, but I'm pretty sure (like 95%) that I will be accepted.

My T kind of said it was this or IP.

What I am worried about is that I won't be able to do it all, PHP, work, taking care of my dogs and other animals. And today I was just diagnosed with a heart condition. So that another doctor I need to see.

I'm scared that if I can't get less hours, I will be forced to quit. And I can't do that to my family. I'm faced with masking my problems to save the ones I love, or try to fix myself for others (as I couldn't care less for myself). I'm starting to lean to the first one as we need the money. At least, in the end if I do die (possibly by my own hands), I would have dies helping the loves of my life, rather than being selfish.

Originally Posted by secretgalaxy

It's an assessment, but I'm pretty sure (like 95%) that I will be accepted.

My T kind of said it was this or IP.

What I am worried about is that I won't be able to do it all, PHP, work, taking care of my dogs and other animals. And today I was just diagnosed with a heart condition. So that another doctor I need to see.

I'm scared that if I can't get less hours, I will be forced to quit. And I can't do that to my family. I'm faced with masking my problems to save the ones I love, or try to fix myself for others (as I couldn't care less for myself). I'm starting to lean to the first one as we need the money. At least, in the end if I do die (possibly by my own hands), I would have dies helping the loves of my life, rather than being selfish.

I'm going to call you on this one. Having just attended the funeral for a student who committed suicide and seen the shattered lives left in his wake, your death would NOT be helping the people in your life. It would leave a gaping wound that they likely would never quite recover from.

Your loved ones want you to be healthy and safe. If you are doing so poorly that IP is a consideration, then you clearly need to prioritize your health and safety and family ahead of money and work.

[DelusionsDaily]

Seconding Lola I too have witnessed the shattered lives left behind at the hands of a friend who committed suicide. You're really not helping family or friends by doing such a thing.
However, I can see how it might FEEL that way having been there many times myself. I just hope you get the right help out of this so it doesn't result in devastating loss for your family and friends.

[PixieRN]

I've been in several partial programs. And if my other option was IP, I'd go in a heartbeat. And as for suicide, I have attempted 3 times in my life. But after suffering the death of my very best friend in the world to suicide this May, I no longer have any delusion that the people in my life would be anything other than crushed, no matter how little I think I am worth to them. I know better now. My family would rather have me be alive and destitute than the alternative. I know yours would too.

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