what would you think

Walked out of a therapy appt just over a year ago. I had seen that t for 7 or so years. I'm thinking of going back but I'm worried the t is glad I walked out and never came back. Do you think the t of a long term client would get in touch with that client by phone or mail if they got upset during a session (crying) and said they had to leave and then left and never called to explain or make another appt? Or is it typical of a t to just leave it to the client to make contact, even if she had seen that client weekly for 7 years?

Assuming that this T is a good T and doesn't suck.

I think it would depend on how they interpreted your need to leave and not come back.

If they thought that you just were not ready for therapy or to continue therapy, that you needed a break and some space, then I would think they would just give you that space and let you come back (or not) depending on your needs once you were calmed down.

If they thought you were having some sort of episodic meltdown and could be a danger to yourself, then they might call or email to check.

I think going to therapy just because you feel obligated or pressured can easily render the therapy useless. So it would make sense for a T to wait for the client to contact them, as it would be a sign that the client feels ready to do therapy work.

Also remember that therapists are paid professionals, so pressuring you to come back could come across as, "Hey I need more money, so get back in here, even if you don't feel like it." Waiting for you to make the first move also helps ensure that you won't get the wrong message.

Unless you are a danger to yourself or others, most t's will not try to make contact (even then, it would likely be calling the police for a well-check). As copperstar said, t's should not be pressuring you to attend.
If you and the t had a generally good relationship, and you would like to work with that t again, it's worth making contact If you are one again ready for therapy.

My therapists would not have pursued me if I had chosen not to return. Unless they felt I was in danger, they would have respected my decision and my privacy in the matter and waited for me to make further contact.

I asked my T, of 11years once what would she do in that situation? Just let me go? She said, no.
She'd at the very least want to have a 'last' session.
Part of my issues is, needing to feel 'held'. I think T knows that.

If it were my current therapist and not one that I had a rocky relationship with, I do believe she would email if I left like that, didn't cancel the next appt or go back or offer an explanation (since we have regular scheduled weekly appts). But that's because we have a good relationship and I haven't done anything like that.

It really depends on the quality of those 7 years and whether or not you'd had fallouts like that before.

I posted about this topic on another thread today and I really think it's an important issue. I think SEVEN YEARS is a long term relationship with a therapist; I think a year is a long relationship! I can understand a therapist not pursuing a client who has only come to one, two, three or six appointments, but a long term client should perhaps be treated with a bit more "connectedness". Even if the client is having a hard time staying in the relationship, the therapist needs to be the one who is more attuned to problems and ways to solve the problems.

I have a hard time when therapists don't at least call, leave a message, email or snail mail a long term client who suddenly disappears off the face of the earth and offer at least a "closure" session to tie up loose ends. I don't think the therapist needs to call more than once or send a note saying that they'd like to offer a final session or give possible referrals if the client wants them or even offers to leave the door open for the client to return if they'd like to in the future. But by simply walking away from the therapeutic relationship, I think the therapist isn't modeling good behavior. They are simply copying what the client did. I get it that therapist tend to do this, but it seems wrong somehow. Many people in therapy (me included) has a difficult time making and keeping connections. If the therapist models the same behavior (::::shrug::::: Guess Jaybird isn't interested in coming anymore. Ho Hum, onto the next person on the list), then we, the client, never learn that there is a way to solve problems in the relationship or to reconnect after a problem. I'm not talking about chasing the client down, but trying to bring some closure seems more professional to me.

Once I walked out of an appointment with my psychiatrist. It was the 4th time seeing him. He called me, but I didn't answer, And then he sent me an email. Asking if I might want to explain why I left and if I want another appointment.

With current T I did 2 or 3 no shows (it was because of anxiety issues). And she would call and then email me. Which was somewhere in the beginning of therapy with her.

I'm glad they did try to contact me. Otherwise I would think they would be glad to have me gone and I would have an even harder time to go back or to start another therapy.

But with a previous T, she didn't contacted me.

At my first session t talked about this. She said if a client just stops coming out contacting her she does not contact them. We have been working together 6 years so that might change things. She knows that I wouldn't do that though. She knows that i won't even cancel an appointment last minute unless it were an emergency.

I think it's fairly usual not to contact. Ethically, a T can't chase you, you might feel pressurised into continuing therapy.

Having said that, my T emailed me when I stomped out of session once...but then we have a standing arrangement of same day, same time, so she would always assume I'm turning up unless I let her know otherwise. That might make a difference?

I can't imagine seeing a therapist for seven years and not hearing from them if I abruptly left.

I do believe some don't, but I can't personally imagine being in a therapeutic relationship like that. I would very much hope and expect that the therapist would just check in to see if I was okay, wish me well and let me know they were available if I wanted to return or to have a final session.

Yep, I'm totally in agreement with this. No one is chasing anyone or forcing anyone to return in this type of situation. It's about modeling good "relationship" behavior, even though the client might really be struggling with it. A quick phone call or note or email that lets the client know that the therapist is still there and still willing to work through things is important and valuable.

When I left my T's office when she terminated me, she didn't chase after me, call me, email me, or text me. Instead, she called the police on me.

I would hope a T would call to follow-up. If nothing else, the T should have called to find out if you were planning on returning, or if termination was necessary. No contact seems pretty cold to me.

Thanks for all the responses and I still don't know what to do. I want to make and appt, but if she was glad I left and would not want to see me, then I'd not want to go. And after 7 years it seems a t would at least let a person know she's still there or even wonder what happened that a person would just stop coming after 7 years. Though I'm thinking as a human and not as a t. And then I turn it around and maybe she is ticked off that I'd leave and not let her know and she's thinking what kind of person does that to someone who's been helping them for 7 years. arggggg

I think we had a good rel'ship over the 7 years, although we did have our bumpy times. I think that's expected when you work with someone for so long and that work is mostly focused on trauma stuff. I walked out one other time, but called her the next day to apologize and explain. And then another time I took a 2 month break, but again explained. And I know she would never call and ask me to come back bc she has always said that therapy is my choice and even when i told her (at the last session) that I needed to go she did ask me to stay and talk but when i said I couldn't she said it was my choice if I wanted to leave. But now I guess I wished that she'd have at least called to let me know she was still there and available if I ever wanted to come back. Because she didn't, I'm now left feeling like she was glad I left and doesn't want me to come back.

Idk.

Well, if she did ask you to stay... that's a small something at least, I can see how if she got the impression you didn't want to hear from her, in that case she might reasonably have not followed up at all. You might try calling and asking why she never followed up, and perhaps what she answers will help you decide one way or the other.

"Though I'm thinking as a human and not as a t."

T's are human. I think if a T can't show their humanness, they shouldn't be in this field of work.

I phrased that wrong, but couldn't think of the right word so used human...
I just meant that t is a professional and has boundaries that might keep her from doing what a non professional might do. Like, it seems reasonable to me that if a person I knew seemed to drop off the face of the earth with no explanation, I would wonder about them and call to make sure everything is okay. A t, on the other hand, may have boundaries that prevent them from doing this.

The last two would call me. The first one would not have.