[InRealLife45]

Another student told her (Professor who is a therapist) something that was incorrect about me, but what she was correct about is that I've been a little distant/off lately. I told a half truth, which is that I've been tired due to recovering from pneumonia, but honestly I think there's more to it. SA trigger from one of my cousins.

I spent time with her and got retriggered all over again and can't seem to throw it.

Should I share this with her or leave it as is that I'm just tired?

My own therapist shut me down when I suggested a link to how I feel to seeing my cousin, told me not to ascribe a "story" to my feelings, that they're just neurochemical reactions that will go away.

I feel like telling someone who doesn't hate me.

That's not nice if someone is saying incorrect things about you. I wouldn't like to comment on whether you should tell your professor what is going on with you as I have no idea what is best, I myself would keep silent, but that is how I have dealt with things in my life, not necessarily the best way, though maybe it was for me.

I'm sorry your T didn't give you space to talk about it.

[InRealLife45]

Originally Posted by Brown Owl

That's not nice if someone is saying incorrect things about you. I wouldn't like to comment on whether you should tell your professor what is going on with you as I have no idea what is best, I myself would keep silent, but that is how I have dealt with things in my life, not necessarily the best way, though maybe it was for me.

I'm sorry your T didn't give you space to talk about it.

She's not the sharpest tool in the shed. I don't think she can help it

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[atisketatasket]

Depending on what you share and where you live and your school, the professor may well refer you to the school's counseling service. Which might not be a bad idea if you can get a referral to a different therapist out of it.

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[InRealLife45]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

Depending on what you share and where you live and your school, the professor may well refer you to the school's counseling service. Which might not be a bad idea if you can get a referral to a different therapist out of it.

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Nah school doesn't offer therapy like that

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[PinkFlamingo99]

Originally Posted by InRealLife45

My own therapist shut me down when I suggested a link to how I feel to seeing my cousin, told me not to ascribe a "story" to my feelings, that they're just neurochemical reactions that will go away.

I feel like telling someone who doesn't hate me.

Seriously? If that were true she wouldn't have a job. That's crazy.

[scorpiosis37]

If your current T is unsupportive, then perhaps you need to find a new T. Trying to use your professor as a T does not sound like a good idea. If you really do need more support, I recommend looking into a new or an additional T. Even just informing your professor of your personal business sounds a bit unprofessional. I realize that being a psychology professor is a bit different than being a professor in my field, but it is generally considered over sharing (and kind of child-like) when students tell us a lot of details about their personal lives. If a student is sharing their struggles in order to get extensions on assignments, we are trained to refer them to disability services (because MI sometimes qualifies for those services). If they are sharing in order to get emotional support or sympathy, we refer them to on-campus therapy services (we have that at my U). We are strongly discouraged from acting as a friend/mom/T to our students. It can also become unfair if we give breaks on assignments/expectations to students who talk to us about their struggles, when there are also so many struggling students who chose to keep that information private. its not that we don't care or don't want to be supportive, but rather that we want to train students to be emerging adults who can utilize the resources available to get the help they need while still being professional in the classroom/workplace.

[precaryous]

I don't think I would give that student more facts to get wrong....

[InRealLife45]

Originally Posted by scorpiosis37

If your current T is unsupportive, then perhaps you need to find a new T. Trying to use your professor as a T does not sound like a good idea. If you really do need more support, I recommend looking into a new or an additional T. Even just informing your professor of your personal business sounds a bit unprofessional. I realize that being a psychology professor is a bit different than being a professor in my field, but it is generally considered over sharing (and kind of child-like) when students tell us a lot of details about their personal lives. If a student is sharing their struggles in order to get extensions on assignments, we are trained to refer them to disability services (because MI sometimes qualifies for those services). If they are sharing in order to get emotional support or sympathy, we refer them to on-campus therapy services (we have that at my U). We are strongly discouraged from acting as a friend/mom/T to our students. It can also become unfair if we give breaks on assignments/expectations to students who talk to us about their struggles, when there are also so many struggling students who chose to keep that information private. its not that we don't care or don't want to be supportive, but rather that we want to train students to be emerging adults who can utilize the resources available to get the help they need while still being professional in the classroom/workplace.

She's actually my program chair, not just my professor. She specifically asked me to tell her what was going on and I told half truths. Last week she said if people lie to her, as long as they're okay with the lie, she's okay with the lie.

I'm not okay with the lie anymore. I want to be honest with someone. And I want to tell the truth about why I really want to drop out of the program.

She's also helping me find a new therapist.

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[InRealLife45]

Originally Posted by precaryous

I don't think I would give that student more facts to get wrong....

Lol I'm not going to be speaking to that student outside of the required school discussion, so no worries there. Information flow to her is over.

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[Lauliza]

Personally I wouldn't say anything more to the professor/department chair, at least not unless there is a specific reason why they'd need to know. It might be more beneficial to find a new therapist who can work through these issues with you, something you definitely need in order to complete a masters program in psych. It's especially important to have this support before and while you are interning (and beyond if necessary). Regarding why you want to drop out of the program, can you talk to an advisor about this?

Originally Posted by InRealLife45

She's actually my program chair, not just my professor. She specifically asked me to tell her what was going on and I told half truths. Last week she said if people lie to her, as long as they're okay with the lie, she's okay with the lie.

I'm not okay with the lie anymore. I want to be honest with someone. And I want to tell the truth about why I really want to drop out of the program.

She's also helping me find a new therapist.

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You want to drop out? What happened?

[Gavinandnikki]

Drop out???

You've worked so hard. What's up with this dropping out?

[InRealLife45]

Originally Posted by Gavinandnikki

Drop out???

You've worked so hard. What's up with this dropping out?

I can do the book work, I get the theories and the concepts- but I can't bring down my walls, I can't let people experience me emotionally and I can't share myself emotionally and I just don't think that I will be able to get where I need to be in order to be a therapist.

Fees like a colossal waste of time.

My program chair has expressed concern about me hurting myself, (I haven't) And today I found out why; today she asked me how long I had been cutting (without me telling her.)

She said she saw my cutting scars on the first day of class. :-x

Oddly enough she still doesn't want me to drop out. I can tell she cares but I also feel like it's a numbers game, too, bc it's a private school.

We talked for a full hour today. And she hugged me.


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[Gavinandnikki]

I'm sorry.

I wish your therapist would have helped you learn what was needed to open up emotionally.

I don't know how far you are thought the course, it might still be worth finishing it even if you feel that being a therapist isn't for you. Having the course on your CV might open up doors for you for other jobs. It's an impressive thing to have done. And who knows how differently you may be feel in the future. Many people don't train as therapists till later in life, maybe their 50's. I have a friend who has trained as a T, but she thinks she may not work as a T, but she doesn't regret doing the training, she sees it as having been positive for her personal development.

[divine1966]

I think it is very mature and wise to recognize that something might not be for you. I disagree with those who say it is still better to finish. I would go look for a degree in something I feel I am good at. I would not encourage people to pursue degrees in something they feel might not be for them.

That's terribly people say things about you especially wrong things. Also stay away from that cousin of yours. Sounds like bad trigger

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[InRealLife45]

Originally Posted by divine1966

I think it is very mature and wise to recognize that something might not be for you. I disagree with those who say it is still better to finish. I would go look for a degree in something I feel I am good at. I would not encourage people to pursue degrees in something they feel might not be for them.

That's terribly people say things about you especially wrong things. Also stay away from that cousin of yours. Sounds like bad trigger

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I don't feel passionate about doing anything else, so I don't know what I would do if/when I drop this program. I would probably do nothing.

It's not her fault she triggers me- my cousin I mean. We were both molested by her older brother.

On one hand I can't emotionally tolerate bring around her bc it stirs up too much in me, too many memories I work very hard to suppress.

But on the other hand I feel terrible about my cowardly desire to cut her off and save myself. She hasn't done anything wrong, she's as much a victim as I was, if not more so.

--I did end up talking to my professor/program chair. I had decided not to tell her anything but I went to the apt anyway, and when she asked what I wanted to talk about I said nothing, that I had changed my mind.

And we talked about other stuff instead and then she asked again what I wanted to tell her and again I said I changed my mind but somehow over the span of the hour she got it out of me, and in hindsight I'm really not sure how. She's very sneaky, lol.

I like her very much but I won't see her again outside class bc she inspires diarrhea of the mouth, she just makes me want to tell her things.

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[unaluna]

(((IRL45))) Those dern perfessers!

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by InRealLife45

I don't feel passionate about doing anything else, so I don't know what I would do if/when I drop this program. I would probably do nothing.

It's not her fault she triggers me- my cousin I mean. We were both molested by her older brother.

On one hand I can't emotionally tolerate bring around her bc it stirs up too much in me, too many memories I work very hard to suppress.

But on the other hand I feel terrible about my cowardly desire to cut her off and save myself. She hasn't done anything wrong, she's as much a victim as I was, if not more so.

--I did end up talking to my professor/program chair. I had decided not to tell her anything but I went to the apt anyway, and when she asked what I wanted to talk about I said nothing, that I had changed my mind.

And we talked about other stuff instead and then she asked again what I wanted to tell her and again I said I changed my mind but somehow over the span of the hour she got it out of me, and in hindsight I'm really not sure how. She's very sneaky, lol.

I like her very much but I won't see her again outside class bc she inspires diarrhea of the mouth, she just makes me want to tell her things.

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I wish your your t was like this professor. I am sorry about your sad experiences

. I don't want to discourage you. Hope I did not offend you. What did you do prior to this? I just speak from experience having colleagues over the years who were not suitable for a job but thought since its their passion they should go for it.

At the end some got fired some quit including quitting in the middle of the day and some just suffered a day after day until again had to quit or got fired. They didn't want to face that it is a wrong profession for them

. I don't want people to go into wrong professions. I'd rather people find something that matches ability and passion. Plus I would hate people spend or borrow money for degrees they might not use.

Good luck with whatever you decide



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[scorpiosis37]

I agree with Divine. I think it's actually commendable to realize that you might not have one of the skills necessary to make an effective therapist and to leave the program before you get to the stage where you are actually working with real clients who depend on you. There are a lot of T's out there who are not as self-aware as you are (including, perhaps, your own T!) who end up doing more harm than good because they don't have the skills necessary to help clients. Have you considered working in another area of mental health? There are other ways to use knowledge of psychology, social work, etc than becoming a T who sees clients. Case manager? Social worker? Psychiatric nurse? High school psych teacher?

[divine1966]

Just a comment that aren't all those professions have a lot of the same traits as therapist, kind of require making some type of emotional connection and ability to form relationship /rapport with client/student/ patient etc?

I am not saying op doesn't have those skills but what you mentioned is just so similar in a sense .

Social workers and case managers sees clients and nurses see patients and high school teachers deal with teens and often difficult teens.

I am probably biased here but you can't be a therapist but can be a high school teacher?, find hard to deal With adults yet will successfully deal with teenagers?

I am in agreement with you, just surprised you suggest something that is so similar and certainly not any easier


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[scorpiosis37]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Just a comment that aren't all those professions have a lot of the same traits as therapist, kind of require making some type of emotional connection and ability to form relationship /rapport with client/student/ patient etc?

I am not saying op doesn't have those skills but what you mentioned is just so similar in a sense .

Social workers and case managers sees clients and nurses see patients and high school teachers deal with teens and often difficult teens.

I am probably biased here but you can't be a therapist but can be a high school teacher?, find hard to deal With adults yet will successfully deal with teenagers?

I am in agreement with you, just surprised you suggest something that is so similar and certainly not any easier


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Perhaps the OP is better suited for another field. I just don't know what her particular talents/interests are. I just figured that, since she said this was her passion and she is good at the academic side of it, that I would suggest similar careers where she could work with others but without the level of intensity or the risk for doing harm that comes with a 1:1 T/client relationship. As for being a teacher, some do make those strong connections with students and others don't-- I've had many a teacher who is great at teaching the material but does not possess strong social/emotional skills. I suppose if one gets easily flustered, teaching is not for them-- but the ability to connect emotionally to students really is not required as long as they can teach the material effectively. Years ago, I dated a social worker. By all accounts she was great at her job, but she definitely lacked some of the emotional connection stuff. She worked with clients, but the extent of her role was finding them housing, preparing them for job interviews, etc-- it was all logistical, not therapeutic. She had to be good enough with people to make her clients trust her and work with her-- but she was not responsible for their mental well-being. I have no idea what the OP's skills or difficulties are, or whether she would be interested in or suited for any of these jobs. I just threw out a few options that were similar to being a therapist, but required less direct emotional connection.

[divine1966]

Oh I know Scorpio. I know what you meant.

I took it personal because I have met many people who assumed that since they weren't successful in whatever was their career plus economy is bad, they are going to go into teaching. Well several didn't even survive student teaching, some did but didn't survive the job.

They were eaten alive pretty much right away. It never made any sense to me when somebody in their 30s or 40s or even 50s having no aptitude for it expects to walk into inner city classroom of 35 angry ( because they don't know you yet) teenagers and not be eaten alive. How do you not know by a certain age that you cannot build a rapport with them and you were scared of them and can't relate, how do you not know what you can or cannot do. And why do you assume you can't do other things but can do this?

I remember one was afraid to walk on a stairs when kids were running through between classes so she would slam herself into the wall. The heck sure if you are 22 ok but you went into this at 35 thinking you'll do it? You are timid and shy and can't connect to teenagers yet you think you can do it? Why?

And in terms of emotional connection. If you teach in rough neighborhoods ( and it's always a possibility) you must build emotional connection. They will eat you alive otherwise. Just knowing the subject won't get you far, no one will pay you any attention or respect. You build relationship first

Again sorry just biased when people advice others to go into teaching

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