Couch 97: Prime Pyramids

Thanks Artemis. I do love that series, and lots of children's literature. I was relieved and happy when she wrote:

"I love, love, love the "Wrinkle in Time" idea. Let's do it!"

I sent her a copy today.... I don't know if we'll read to each other, that might be nice. I hope she'll read some to me, I think... the odds are she will. I've asked her, will see, don't want any more surprises like movie watching alone.

Am feeling a little forlorn, hopefully will cheer up after a nice night. The being sick and worried about my MIL and not sleeping and being so busy and getting over all that abandonment triggery stuff must just have taken a toll. I am tired of things taking tolls, ha.

So, I have a question... Asking it in here because although it came up in therapy, it's not therapy related...
How welcoming is the gay community of bisexual women? I've heard not very, which is not surprising to me, being a bisexual woman who hid/denied her own sexuality for most of her life. Straight society will often dismiss it as a 'phase' that a women went through in college or something. T mentioned a lesbian friend who considers bisexuality a 'cop-out'. I find both the 'phase' and 'cop-out' opinions highly offensive.
I guess I'm just wondering if I'll ever find a place where I can truly be myself. Not feeling very confident about that at the moment tbh...

It depends. I think it is a bit more flexible with the younger lgbt crowd than with the older more women's rights focused groups. I think if you look around, you should be able to find acceptance. There is some belief in some circles that bi women tend to go back to men and so are seen as somewhat unsafe. There is also some beliefs that bi women are afraid to be lesbian, are more likely to just experimenting, and so on. I am old and come from a more male free sort of approach. I am friends with bi-women - but I would never date someone who identified as bi. The community is big enough that we don't all believe in the same things or act the same etc. I am a terrible softball player, for example.

Bisexuals are the silent majority. You may find the community more dispersed, but a lot of women, openly or not, can absolutely relate to you. I'm one. I've certainly heard and appreciate the perspective that bisexual women have it easier than lesbian ones, because we can be in heteronormative relationships, but my queer friends turned out for my wedding and though we parted as I grew up and changed states, I don't believe they would've blacklisted me if I chose to stay.

Remember, sometimes finding community means creating community. We have to be the place we want to belong.

Depending on your comfort level, you might consider alternative sexuality/fetish communities also, they're incredibly diverse and typically super-welcoming in my experience.

That's an interesting question and I wonder too. I don't like the "phase" and "cop-out" opinions either... because for me, identifying as bisexual, is neither a phase or a cop-out. I am honestly attracted to both men and women pretty equally. It is true, however, that I got married to my husband during a time in my life in which I was trying so hard to hide the attraction to women part so my family would not disown me (this was of course after the short-lived love story I shared with y'all recently, she who a part of me with always love!!) and I really really wanted to be a mommy, and he presented the opportunity for both, so I got married. (Something I can't truly regret because I have my son, but it's about as close to regret as you can get without being actual regret, if that makes any sense, cuz without him I wouldn't have my son). Anyway I buried that part of me really deeply until it got dug up in therapy and I realized it wasn't gone - that I am indeed bisexual - it was quite a session when I told t what I had realized. As I recall, as she sat down in her chair I told her to buckle her seat belt and she just laughed. After I told her she said she'd already known. Ha! Gosh I miss those in-person sessions sometimes. Sigh. ANYway. I don't know where I'm going with all this. Other than identifying with you JS wondering.... because if/when I do find myself single again that could be something good to know.....

I haven't found bi women to be the majority in the circles I have associated with for the past 35 years. But I think it is possible to find groups where it happens.

I didn't mean bisexual women were the marjority in lesbian circles/gatherings in my experience. I meant in society at large. In other words, no need to look solely to the lesbian community for belonging.

I'm not sure it's a risk I even want to take... My sexuality is something I'm uber protective of and very sensitive about... And I don't really want to be in a relationship - I'm still too broken-hearted. I just want acceptance.
It would be nice to have friends who would see me as Shakey who is humanist and bisexual and rather opinionated rather than Shakey the divorced mom of two who has a special needs child and an abusive ex.

I still have not found it true in my experience, but I don't know of any statistics one way or the other. Certainly it may not be uncommon. And any number of women come out as lesbian after having been married with or without children.

What about hobbies/groups where children or marital status is not the focus?

Most heteronormative bisexual women in my conservative state are unlikely to advertise their sexuality at all. Trying to meet any would be very much more miss than hit if I don't look in the lgbt community.

You might try online communities first, like this one, or open gatherings/support groups. Don't forget- there are other women who just want acceptance too- it's a mutual need, not just yours, and many women who want to be seen for who we are, not just roles.... you'll find those women out in the world too.

Bisexual Women Meetups in Phoenix - Meetup

https://www.facebook.com/ArizonaBiCommunity

Yeah, part of the problem is the lack of kid-free time. They go back to school in August. I can't wait. I have my son set up with an after school program and I will be able to use respite for free time in the evenings and on weekends. The seven year old won't be happy about it - she wants in on everything, but she'll get used to it. Otherwise momma will lose what's left of her mind

Thanks Leah, it'll take me a while before I'm brave enough to go to an in-person meetup, but I have been thinking about looking for online groups. Part of me would rather wallow in lonely misery., but that's no solution.
Liking the Arizona bi community on my FB might have interesting results...

The message in the Mr Holmes movie was partly about being alone together. There is this wonan in my ts neighborhood that i often see. I saw her before the movie and talked to her about it. She is married but she looks shall we say available to me?! Anyway she told me i would love the movie. This was the first time i felt like i didnt need or want something from her. Then later i realized, she was who i would have become, had i married my high school soulmate. Her h even resembles him.

Im kinda freaking out here tonight. First i got kind of an ugly phone voicemail from my SIL, telling me that my mother took a bad fall and is in the hospital and they may pull the plug tonight and "this isnt funny". Hey it went to voicemail cuz i was in the bathroom. I know that sounds like an excuse but its the truth.

A little while later my uncle calls and said "i guess you heard. Well thats all i called to say." Im like wtf can i at least get some details? So he talked to me for a few minutes, like a normal human being. I was very grateful for that.

So i texted t and he called me back, and im like, do i have to drive out there? I was getting ready to go to bed and shes not likely to wake up anyway so... so he said no i dont think you have to drive out there. We talked a little more and then said well see you tomorrow. He also said to call anytime tonight if the need arose.

So i am just trying to hang on to me and my own life and not get whats the word lose the plot. My life feels so tenuous sometimes - thats why i stayed away from them. You hafta do this, you hafta live here, you hafta have a car etc etc etc. I couldnt deal with all her craziness, now i wonder how many levels of craziness i will have to deal with, with the family. Hopefully not many. My dad warned me before he died, not to let my mother and brother screw me outvof my inheritance. Au contraire, mon pere - let them, and let them leave me be.

Watch - with my luck, by morning she'll be fine.
Eta - uh, then again, maybe not. I just took an ambien and called the hospital. I apologized to my brother for not calling earlier; i told him you know i take after dads side of the family we take a while to figure things out. But i guess they were waiting for me and or him to give the go-ahead to pull the plug, as she is brain-dead. I refrained from making a joke about that, yay me. So i should get another phonecall tonight, when the doctor comes.

Poor gwammy. RIP.

I have realised what my problem is with the whole photo and T situation. I drop my guard and let my mouth run off and feel vulnerable and I don't want to appear weak in front of him.

hankster
I hope the craziness won't be overwhelming. I'm glad you can contact your T.

Thinking of you as well Hankster

Thinking of you Hankster.

Sorry to hear, Hankster.. Thinking of you.

Thanks all. I dreamed my brother was trying to medicate me, under the current circumstances. I told him it wasnt ethical to treat a family member. I think he was using his t voice on me last night, very civilized and caring. I felt like i knew him. Very wily

Hankster- Good luck with this situation.

Hankster, my heart goes out to you. Please hold onto to YOU while all this is happening.

My thoughts are with you hankster.

I might need a longer than one week break from the first one.