Couch 97: Prime Pyramids

(((Hankster)))

Hankster, sorry things are difficult right now. Take care of you, first and foremost.

I am not feeling well this morning. I think I have a sinus infection maybe. My allergies have been awful for months now and it feels like a case of allergies-gone-bad now. Just want to keep my eyes closed because my face hurts.

I have a staph infection on my chin. Current nursing a hot compress and a cup of coffee trying to get the darn thing to pop. It hurts like a mofo

Hankster my mom passed away and I did not go. I did not go to the funeral either. Take care of YOURSELF

Its times like this i wish we lived closer to each other

Yeah, yeah, you just wanna pop it and watch it ooze

Im just trying to be supportive!

I think the Adderall I am on is causing me to be obsessed with these forums and Facebook. I just am constantly checking them.

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It's not the Adderall, it's the addictive nature of the Couch!

I have a not uncommon nor expensive car - but there are only two dealers in my area and both are about 30-40 minutes away from where I live. I took my car in for its first oil change and dealer check up that they have been hounding me about by email and phone calls (I don't drive a lot - so months and miles don't match up). I have been gone for 4 hours for a 30 minute procedure.

Not to get all heavy in here on a Friday afternoon, but I could use an opinion. I need to tell my H about something that happened Sunday night.

I've talked to my T and p-doc (who added Wellbutrin to my Cymbalta) about it, and my marriage counselor knows what happened from them. MC had to cancel our appointment this past Monday (before any of them knew this happened). I touched base with MC briefly after my T appointment Wed. to see if he could possibly fit H and I in for a session before our usual Monday one, so that I could tell my H what happened in there, with MC able to provide support. Unfortunately, he didn't have any openings and no one ended up canceling (or he'd have called).

So now I'm left with a choice. Tell H today or over the weekend, and then we can discuss more on Monday. Or wait till Monday. I feel like I'm lying by omission right now, but every time I think about talking to him about it, I get really panicky.

So...tell or wait? Thanks!

Why would you need to tell your husband?

I guess because I feel like I should be honest and open about what's going on with me? I'm not sure he realizes how depressed I actually am. Also because I'm concerned he'll figure out something's up

But yeah, I was considering not telling him, too. He knows I had urges a few months ago because it was freaking me out. MC was the first T I was seeing that week so I brought it up in there--I'd briefly told H about it beforehand, too. (MC kinda serves as a secondary T to me, too, within marital sessions, like sometimes we end up focusing on stuff going on with me. I feel like he gets me more than my T sometimes.) We had a helpful discussion about it. At the time, I thought it was the med that I'd just started (Effexor), but now I'm not so sure.

If you are in marriage counseling, I would guess honest and open communication might be a topic that has arisen before. Where does this fit into what has been discussed and agreed upon in your marriage counseling sessions? That might tell you what you need to do.

It's been discussed in there and also in my individual therapy. My mom is a very "keep everything inside" type person. Like, put on a happy face, don't let anyone know your faults and weaknesses. So I grew up with that. But that's not me. I've found that if I do that, then I also wonder if friends/partners would accept me if they knew who I "really am." Plus I don't like keeping all these secrets about myself because that makes me feel like, say, having anxiety or depression is something to be ashamed of. (Shame and guilt are big problems for me, too!)

Now, I'm certainly not going to post on my Facebook wall, "Hey everyone, guess what I did Sunday night!" with accompanying photos. I'm very selective in who I tell stuff to. And that's part of where therapy helps. But as I've been more honest with people, I've felt a great weight lift off my shoulders. However, in this situation, I wonder if it will just make my H worried about me or upset him.

Something that came up this week when I told my T about what happened is that I was expecting her to have a disappointed look on her face and act like she was disappointed in me. Same with MC. I was really dreading that. Or that they'd have this super-concerned, serious tone. But for the most part, they just acted completely normally to me, like MC was still joking around with me when he first saw me in the waiting area. T was fine with me talking about some lighter things along with the heavier stuff and with making some jokes. And that really meant something to me, because they accepted me as I was and didn't change how they were to me despite what I told them. (Then again, that's their job! But it's something I had issues with in therapy, especially with various transference stuff going on.)

But H is not a trained professional. I don't know how he's going to react. That's why part of me would feel more comfortable telling him in session, assuming I'm going to tell him at all. So MC can explain to him about self-harm (his specialty is working with troubled teens--I'm sure he sees plenty of it) and what it is and isn't. And answer any questions. And so MC can be a support to me as I'm sharing, too (his presence calms me).

So that seems like I'm leaning toward Monday. (I also have this fear that we'll have to miss that session for some reason, too.)

Eek, that was long! Sorry to take up so much couch!

When I showed my wife for the first time some minor cuts I did it within earshot of the kids so that she really couldn't react to it. I know I am such a bad mom but I was just a big chicken about it. She reacted great though. She was obviously concerned and didn't quite understand but she didn't make a huge deal about it.

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There is nothing wrong, immoral, or unusual about not telling one's spouse things like that. That you are married doesn't mean that you have a duty to report everything. And remember that once you tell, it cannot be untold. There is no such thing as lying by omission in this situation.

My therapist started her own practice. I'm happy for her, I hope things work out, she isn't taking insurance though, so I will have to pay up front then get reimbursed "out of network" from my insurance company. I hope it all works.. was so much easier to write a check for the co-pay...

Little miracles every day. My cousin had lost three cows in the flood back on Memorial Day weekend and figured they were dead. Today they found two of them, miles down and on the other side of the river. They saw them in a pasture that normally doesn't have cattle, checked the numbers on the ear tags, and sure enough they were theirs. Almost two months later.

I used to do that - work on the systems to hound people by mail to get their oil change - before they started doing it by phone and email.

LT - marriage is not court, where you have to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Nor is marriage therapy. Your h is not your t. Nor is he your dentist or your gyn. Put the shoe on the other foot. Would your h tell you every time he ate too many chicken wings, drank too much beer, or watched too much football? Or gambled too much. Or ogled too much. Not trying to be flip. Wanting to be honest imo is not a good enough reason. Reason it out a little further? Like with cheating, to confess makes the cheater feel better, but now the cheated upon is in distress.

Both!

But I have been watching while on vacation.

Yes. W, D, SIL and myself all enjoyed it.

D did her teenage thing and missed half the fun by staying in the hotel. You can lead a horse to water, etc.

The Trevi Fountain was closed for maintenance and the Sistine Chapel was overcrowded. (Speaking for myself, seeing the Vatican Museum in person was no better than seeing it in books. However, St Peters was much more impressive than any picture. I guess I just prefer architecture over painting.)

We didn't see Florence at all, but Naples was better than I expected.

I found it incredibly "freeing" to realise that I didn't care if I lost my job. I'm enjoying it so much more now.

((MKAC))

I find it helps to think of depression as an external force. Depression is not who I am. It's an intruder and an imposter. Give me a stick and I'll kill it. You just need a bigger stick.

I don't know if this helps, but...

Aren't you fighting injustice on a daily basis? And sometimes winning? That seems like a good and useful life. Also you are looking after animals.