Couch 97: Prime Pyramids

Whatever.

Blah! Blerch! Spit! spit! spit! ARGH!!! I don't think I can do this therapy thing anymore....the pain the pain.

The pain really sucks, BPA.

Plus my town is blanketed in the smell of cow ****! From the beach to mountain!!!

Thanks Mast.

((Hankster)) I'm so sorry. I was in a similar position to yours when I lost my mother. I wish their were easy answers. You'll be in my thoughts.

I've had a rough week--things between my husband and I are very tense, which is something I'm working on with my therapist, but the more independent I get, the more backlash, I get from dh. On top of that, I've had a kidney stone for the past six weeks that they just barely figured out where it was and it's so big, I have to have surgery to remove it Wednesday. This I also went to see my Ob?Gyn because I felt a lump in my breast. In examining me, he found the lump I had identified and another. He wanted me to have a mammogram the next day, but the facility is scheduling out 2 weeks.

Things with my therapist have been touch and go because last week he was threatening the hospital A LOT. I think we worked it out, but my ability to just trust him has decreased a little. Right now, he's the only person who I can talk to who is kind and not dismissive. Thanks for letting me take up some room on your couch to vent (and whine)

That sure sounds like a rough week!
I have been through periods of distrust with pdoc too, thinking he will put me in hospital although he has never actually said he would.

I'm so sorry. My mother died suddenly 6 years ago and I was told nothing, just the day and time to turn up. (Hugs))

So over cleaning up my husnand's messes!!!

Hi couch-

Hope you are all well. Hankster-hang in there and don't cave to family craziness!!!
Welcome back CE--wish you could've snuck me in your suitcase.

Sounds like a lot of pc people are ill? Can I get out of the sick club?

My allergies lead to bad set of ear/eye/sinus infections that I'm recovering from now. My ear is still feeling blocked and I can't seem to "pop" it which is driving me mad. 4 more days of antibiotics to go.

Having money woes--anyone have website links or been through credit card debt consolidation? I was debt free 4 years ago and I'm back in the hole again. I live very modestly, no tv or cable etc. Yet I probably live in one of the most expensive cities in the US, top 10, maybe top 5.

Hankster - remember that funerals often can bring out all the unresolved family issues and roles again. (I was involved as a lawyer in a probate matter where the police were called to the funeral home because so many family members did not get along and there was a brawl over the casket which was knocked over etc.) Probate is family court at the end of life.

Things are going well with my aunt (my mother's younger sister) altho she is taking it hard. She and her family are being extremely helpful. Im not sure but i think my brother is being a male body part. But i think i can handle it.

Eta - finally got a hold of my brother. So hes not being a male part, but its like mom used to say - hes terrible at giving like driving directions hes one of those guys (ts!) that keeps repeating things but doesnt say anything different. More information, please! I freakin HEARD you the first time!

In talking to my cousin, i was correct in how i read my conversation with my uncle (her dad). She said he was so proud of himself being the one to make the connection with me, like he made a major contribution to a difficult situation. Which he did it was really sweet, and she was really sweet.

So the last couple of mornings ive been waking up feeling like, gee im not having nightmares for the first time since i can remember. Like in my lifetime. Thats mostly what i think about - that she cant scare me anymore. Weird, right? That was really the only reason i called the hospital thursday night, to "check on her status". I was honestly afraid she would still be alive friday morning (i wrote it here on pc, i have proof), even having been told twice that she was as good as gone. I didnt trust it. Good thing i called. But also a good thing i didnt call earlier - my aunt really didnt want to let her go. Thats the last of her brothers and sisters.. so that actually worked out well. I really do have esp.

Did i say this already? - i asked t on friday, does therapy end now, or is this when it really begins? He said he KNEW i was gonna say that! Wiseguy. Talked to him this morning, he said to call him before or after the visitation tomorrow if i needed to. Hes being great, esp for being ill himself. I told him to keep sucking down that guafinesen. He says im the only person he knows who can pronounce it.

I am feeling reconnected with my T, such a relief, and like I can settle back into the fluid, deep sense of self where I am at home and grounded with a little time.

She wrote me a letter this morning I just feel like sharing because it touched me so much and felt..... just right. I feel.... loved.

"Everything is okay, Leah. Although you felt disconnected from me, I did not leave you; and I will not leave you. Remember, "therapist for life."
I will help you find wise mind; I will not leave you to fend for yourself.
There is nothing you can say to me that will cause me to abandon you, Leah.
Thank you for the payment for last night (she had told me not to worry about one but I sent it to be fair.) and the one for August. I truly appreciate your being so responsible in that regard.
I hope you slept better last night and aare having a good Saturday.
I received the "Wrinkle in Time" book just a little while ago. Thank you, Leah! I have read the lovely introduction and glanced at the chapters. As this is the 50th Anniversary Edition, thee are Q&As from her last interview in 2007 in the back as well as her acceptance speech for the Newberry Award in 1963. Do you have this edition?
When asked what her favorite meal is, she responded "cream of wheat." Said she eats it wilh a spoon with lot of brown sugar and butter. I used to love cream of wheat as a little girl. What a nice memory!
I am really looking forward to reading this book with you. Hope you are drawing comfort from it this weekend, Leah.
You definitely have a place with me. And we will definitely get back on track inhabiting it together starting on Monday. (She inserted a flower icon here.) The flower reminds me of one of my favorite children's books "The Little Prince." Here is my favorite quote from that book “Goodbye,” said the fox. “And now here is my very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.”
I see you, Leah. (And she inserted a heart.) Hope you have a good rest of the weekend, XXXXX"

I just feel..... like keeping this letter like a package. Like wrapping myself up in the ribbon of it.

That's lovely Leah
I think you left your name in a few places there... You might want to edit that out...

Thanks so much for looking out for me. I swear this prednisone's broken my brain, I've been scattered and making awful typos all week. Last dose was last night, phew.

The smell was from a an unusually large consignment of live export beasts and the wind coming from the wrong direction. They were shipped last night so the smell is weakening.

For some reason I thought it was Monday and turned up the supermarket to find it it is closed. Sunday trading here starts at 11am. I was convinced that they did it on purpose and I had a little tantrum in the carpark. I guess it never crossed my mind with my car being the only one in the carpark that maybe I'd ****ed up. I am really unsettled lately. I may bring this up with T or I may not.

One of my favorites from A Wrinkle in Time: “I don't understand it any more than you do, but one thing I've learned is that you don't have to understand things for them to be.” I forgot who said it. But t said something kinda close to that to me on Monday.

Sometimes I don't understand my T. Last session I asked him ifwe could turn the a/c off as I was cold. He then told me a story of how sometimes he has a power nap in his lunch break and often wishes he had a blanket as the a/c is a bit cool. He then said if he had a blanket he would give it to me. This is the condensed version what he actually said took about 5 min s or a bit more. I don't understand why he didn't just say "If I had a blanket i would give yo it" And my first reaction to the blanket story was "Just turn the a/c off, dude"

So weird - so my cousin who has been so great tells me first that her husband wants a particular thing of my moms and to ask my brother; its a little weird but i do it (even tho i hate to bother my brother); then her h is all like, im flying in from overseas, ill be maybe 15 minutes late, dont start the funeral without me. Im like ??? Just text us when you land. We'll leave the casket open for you? Idk. I feel like im being set up for a weird con. Cuz all of a sudden my cousin stopped texting. Like she feels the pressure too? Fortunately i have people watching out for me, and google! As my dad used to say, im not as dumb as i look. Maybe the guy is just overemotional.

Bpa - you have really good stories today!!! AC vs blankie is a conundrum..

The Wrinkle in Time books sound fascinating I'll have to see if the locall library has them.

I need a mother figure in my life, otherwise that burden falls on W.
Time to see a female T!

Oh dear this starting to sound familar.....if it turns out that way I offer unlimited hugs. They are on roll over there-----> help yourselff hanskter.

(((Hankster))) Late chiming in, but I am so sorry, the situation sounds really draining/complicated. I am glad you have a good support system with your friends and your T, etc., and you seem to be doing an excellent job taking care of yourself, too!