Couch 97: Prime Pyramids

Hankster, I want to offer my sympathy but I don't know how.

Wow! In 3 weeks it has been 12 months since I left the share house and 2 years since I left my ex. I am still alive and managing myself and household reasonably well. In yor face ex and FOO.

Evening, couch.

I shopped at CVS today with my plan. I am a little annoyed though, because I had it all mapped out to pay "x" amount each trip. One trip was a little off. I check my receipt in the car. The cashier used my beauty club rewards without asking me. So a $10 reward ended up being a $1.12 reward because that was my remaining balance before tax. So, I basically lost $9 of free money. I didn't know it had been added to my account yet, or I would have saved some of my paper rewards bucks as requested to use it. But, to add it to my total without my consent ticks me off. You are supposed to ask the customer before activating any of their rewards, she failed to do that. Now much can be done after the fact, so I just have to take to loss. I will not shop at that CVS anymore. I can't even complain about her to the customer service line because I do not know her name. I checked my receipt and she was using a register another employee was signed into becase it said David. I've had David and he definitely was not the one who checked me out today. So this lady did 2 things "wrong"...activated a reward without asking and used another employee's account. I wish I knew her name, so I could go back in and speak to the manager. Oh well...what is done is done. Just annoyed.

Well, I took a nap today and cleaned a little. My room is completely clean minus taking out the one trash bag and recycling. Washing some dished. Finding a place for my PJ's since I used their drawer for cleaning supplies storage (maybe I could get a under the bed tub and put them in there). And vacuuming. Just small things really. It feels good to have a clean room...hopefully I can keep it this way.

Last night I dreamed that the stbx found out where I lived and I had to go back in the shelter Woke up just so relieved to find myself safe in my own bed. Honestly though, I'm afraid he's going to find a way to eff me over.
Right now he's attempting to take the 'bigger person' stance. His response to my filing states that he is willing to 'work this out', go to conciliation (and think of the childrenzzzz!), but that if I don't want to talk to him (read:be reasonable), he won't 'stand in my way'.
Let's not forget that this is the manipulative f- who has controlled my life for over a decade, frequently threatening physical violence and not infrequently resorting to it.
Passive aggressive bs FTMFW.

(((JS))) the funeral lady was asking me, "but WHY does your mother want xxx? We dont do that anymore! We did that for your dad, but that was 25 years ago. People dont want that anymore!" Both my SIL and i told the funeral lady, separate days, without consulting each other, that she better do xxx or mother will come back to haunt ALL of us! And i just thought - prime example. Prime example. You cant win with some people.

Baybrony - the wolves were actually quite wonderful today!! Tomorrow there may be some judgment. But today people were really terrific.

CE - my pdoc texted me "im sorry - congratulations?" I think that sums it up pretty good. He had a kinda evil dad so he gets it.

She had gone to the casino the night before and won a bit, so she was happy. we should all go so easy.

Thanks everyone for your support. I could really feel the changes in me from the last few years "operating". I wasnt OVERLY hypersocial - like i didnt get all overexcited and laughing. My mood was pretty stable. And i didnt let other peoples emotions or expectations get to me. I kinda felt like some people were thinking, "where are your tears?" Well im not gonna wear a tshirt that says, "btw im highly medicated." I mentioned to a few folks that i dont think it hit me yet, being so sudden. I saw no need to mention that i was practicing turning cartwheels for when it DOES hit me. See, stuff like that - i said NO stuff like that!

I need to apologize for all the times i was so bitter i just could NOT offer people similar condolences for their parental losses. I felt like - always a bridesmaid, never the bride.

ETA - Squirrel - its supposed to be bad feng shui to put stuff under the bed, but seems like the opposite would apply for squirrel feng shui??.

Our govt has started a health star rating system with food! What sort of society are we when the govt has to tell you that an apple is better for you than a packet of chips or a bar of chocolate!!
Just make the healthy food cheaper and tax the unhealthy food til it becomes a luxury item.

Hi, couch.

Well trashbag is out. I still need to do the other cleaning items, but I stopped to shower and eat supper. Still need to take the recycling out (some of those bottles still have a little left in them and need dumped first). Need to do dishes still too...may wait a little longer for that, to be sure no one will walk in on me doing them (I don't want to look weird for having dirty dishes in my room). The vacuuming can wait until Tuesday. I would say tomorrow, but I am on the go all day...T, then C, then CVS. I have some time between C and CVS on Tuesday where I could vacuum. Too late now.

Still have to figure out what to do with my PJs. Maybe shove them in one of the duffle bags I have and then under the bed. I was thinking under the bed box, but I don't want to spend money on one.

Now I just need to clean out my car as well...maybe Tuesday as well...and I will be set.

I am not looking forward to T tomorrow. At the end of last session, new T said old T mentioned my hypomanic phases when they talked and that she'd like to talk about it next time. I am wondering how much detail old T went into about it...if she just said hypomanic or if she mentioned the over-spendning and hypersexuality too. Guess, I will find out tomorrow. I really don't like talking about that "side" of me, but maybe it is best. Hmmm... that reminds me...I need to take my evening meds. I almost forgot. :-/

The founder/whatever person of feng shui must have had cats... I have an underbed storage bag that I need to relocate to the closet before a: it's ripped to shreds and b: someone overhears me yelling incoherently at the cats in the middle of the night because they've woken me up messing with that thing...

(And your Pdoc sounds awesome)

Hankster.. Still thinking of you!

Yeah wasnt that the coolest? He learned from the best - my t was his supervisor for therapy when he was working on his phd. I was seeing both of them before he graduated, then my t and another grad student, and now t and the pdoc who is now on his own. He is the smartest young man i have ever met, like smarter than me - and i have only ever said that about my nephew! Oh, and CE of course!

Thats funny about cats and mr feng shui. Ya never know! That or he only had a short mop?

ETA - boy has a weight been lifted or what??? We'll see. But no i wasnt like this when my dad passed. But that was kinda before the internet was in full swing.

Because Cat Video:

That is beautiful! lol!

Healthy food is more expensive because it has to be treated with respect.
Junk food is cheaper to transport and store and it lasts for ever.

Apparently it is National Creme Brulee Day !? wtf??

Apparently everyday is a National food day. People need to get a liffe

National Creme Brulee Day, July 27 - Food.com

I have just been informed that the debt collectors have waived my debt on the car I bought when I was manic 4 years ago. Yippee! Just a quick thank you to Lola for encouraging me to see a financial counsellor. Thanks LC

Also the postman has just knocked on my door to suggest I may want to clean my letterbox out as it is overflowing. Last time I checked it was mainly advertising material. I'll go down and clear it out who knows what I may find.

Oooh, I need advice on how to find an ethical financial counselor here in the US. Any ideas/websites/organizations I should start with?

Growlycat I am not over there but over here my financial counsellor was with The Salvos. Maybe they have the same thing over there.

Thanks!! Too many "financial counselors" or "debt consolidators" are complete sharks over here. I don't know how to find one I can trust.

My furniture is paid off, I've started putting money back in the 401K, and I'm less than 1.5 yrs away from paying off my used car. The credit cards are killing me. Was trying to be so careful but whenever there was a shortfall, usually over medical stuff, out came my card. I hate my health insurance. I pay a ton out of pocket.

Morning, couch.

Why the heck I am up so early is beyond me. It's only 5:30AM. I woke up all on my own about 4:30 and laid in bed until about 5:15 trying to get back to sleep, but couldn't so I said screw it and decided to just start my day.

I still need to do dishes...fell asleep last night before doing them. I could go do those. Hmmmm. Too dark out to take recycling out. I can do that once the sun comes out.

Well...dishes it is.

I need to cut the grass but my back is rather screwed up right now.

Mustard plaster time.

The pup tripped me up twice. My old back can't handle falling as well as it used to.

Good morning couch. I've landed, bit disheveled and roughed up, from the tornado of the last two weeks.

Today my resignation from the editor-in-chief position at my university was formally accepted. Bittersweet. I'll miss school. I'd had an intricate dream of university. Dream deferred because of my family's dysfunction. These last two weeks have reminded me deeply of how those years felt. Chaotic, searingly painful, lonely. But now I have earned my degree, summa cum laude, deferred dream achieved. When I was withdrawing from the prednisone yesterday (never never never will I use that drug again) I locked myself into my virtual dorm room, a space I created in therapy. It was such a help. I always just wanted to be a university student. Didn't even care about graduating or grades or after... I just wanted to learn, to be.... among scholars. And now I can say I have been.

I'm going to miss it.

"I shall not pass this way again, though bordered may it be with flowers."

I received my new business cards Friday. "Journalist."

This is my meaningful career, in its early stages. I work part time at it now. Full time at the job that pays the bills, out of which I will also transition once the summer ends ends.

Today I finally speak to my therapist at the assigned time. We had a crisis session Friday. Been a couple weeks since we talked properly. Today we start "A Wrinkle in Time Together." How will my childhood comforts hold up to sharing. Well, it seems, she's really pleased to be starting it, it seems.

-------

"You will need help," she told them, but all I am allowed to give you is a little talisman. Calvin, your great gift is your ability to communicate, to communicate with all types of people. So for you, I will strengthen this gift. Meg, I give you your faults."
"My faults!" Meg cried.
"Your faults."
"But I'm always trying to get rid of my faults!"
"Yes," Mrs. Whatsit said. "However, I think you'll find they'll come in very handy on Camazotz.
....
"Stay angry, little Meg," Mrs. Whatsit whispered.
"You will need all your anger now."

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On the horizon, I'm going to lose 40 pounds. I start today.
And find some in-person friends again, a real challenge working from home so much.
Someone remind me when I run up against a sand bar that I really can afford to be gentle with myself and that doing a 180 in life comes with challenges.