[sjkero]

Like a lot of people here I analyze and over-analyze what my T says to me.

I've had my fair share of transference issues (horribly unhealthy and I'm still struggling to tell my T but that's a whole different story...) and I've realized through this forum that many people - like me!!! - interpret their T's messages negatively until they take a breather and realize they actually care and mean well. My T has done an amazing job in comforting me via email but every once in a while she ends her email with 'Be well, sjkero' ... I have never understood that phrase and I HATE when she drops therapy lingo. Makes me feel like she is insincere. Has anyone else had this issue? I'll take in her whole email, but that one line bothers me. She also doesn't use it very often so of course I always think when she says that, she isn't really there 100%. Does that make any sense?

[atisketatasket]

Ah...I'm not a therapist (thank goodness) and I use that phrase as a sign-off phrase on email. I mean it genuinely; to me it's just a much warmer, personal version of "best wishes."

Seems like a pretty common closer -- like best wishes, take care, etc.

[sjkero]

Also I failed to mention that she typically uses the 'be well' phrase at the end of really short emails, which are basically text messages. Which further makes me feel like its no personal at all but a template she is following. Normally she doesn't say it, which draws even more attention to it when she does. Am I losing my mind?

I really think you are over-analyzing here.

[BayBrony]

I think it's a normal reaction. My T says "no worries" when I apologize for something. It strikes me as dismissive but she swears she says it to everyone even her kids. I think we want our T to use something specific to us so if she uses it with everyone it can be disconcerting. However I think she means it genuinely.

[sjkero]

Originally Posted by lolagrace

I really think you are over-analyzing here.

I know, lolagrace, you're probably right. If she used it all the time, I'd be more comfortable with it, but she only ever uses this closing when she sends a one-sentence email. I'm sure it doesn't make sense from a distance but for me it feels off based on our pattern for years.

[sjkero]

Originally Posted by BayBrony

I think it's a normal reaction. My T says "no worries" when I apologize for something. It strikes me as dismissive but she swears she says it to everyone even her kids. I think we want our T to use something specific to us so if she uses it with everyone it can be disconcerting. However I think she means it genuinely.

THANK YOU! It means so much to know someone gets it.

But for your theory to make sense, you'd have to actually believe that while she's answering your emails, she stops, says to herself, "oh yeah, this is a text to Sjkero, so I have to close it differently", consciously makes the decision to use a phrase that somehow she knows magically makes you feel differently. Maybe she just likes to switch things up in her own writing from time to time? Maybe it is a short closer, and she uses it in quick emails simply because she's answering them quickly. I suspect she doesn't give it a second thought. I don't think she's sitting there agonizing on which phrase to use in the closing to an email.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

My T always says "Take care". I hate to see it in emails because it feels like that is what she says to everyone. I like when she personalizes more with me.

[precaryous]

Mine usually closes with some form of, "You are in my thoughts" or " I'm keeping you in my thoughts." I have a feeling she uses this as a sign off phrase with many people.

[ruh roh]

Mine has a stock phrase she signs off most emails with and also says when I leave my appts. At first, I thought it was meaningless and didn't care for it, but the first time she didn't write it or say it, I noticed. And I missed it. Go figure.

[Leah123]

Originally Posted by sjkero

I know, lolagrace, you're probably right. If she used it all the time, I'd be more comfortable with it, but she only ever uses this closing when she sends a one-sentence email. I'm sure it doesn't make sense from a distance but for me it feels off based on our pattern for years.

This is the type of thing to share with her. It's so important for people to know how they affect us. If you talk it through, it should be easy to resolve. My therapist and I talk about language a lot.

[atisketatasket]

I have only had one significant email exchange with my therapist. She was all over the place during it - she signed with her first name, her full name, and her initials; she alternated between Dear and Hi as salutations; she wrote formally and informally; she used punctuation sometimes and not others; once she slipped into txtspk. It obviously had to do with how much time she had and whether she was writing from her phone or her computer. There are too many factors going on with the person you're communicating with in writing to really judge what they're doing or thinking. Go by your (apparently positive) impressions of her in person.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

Originally Posted by sjkero

Like a lot of people here I analyze and over-analyze what my T says to me.

I've had my fair share of transference issues (horribly unhealthy and I'm still struggling to tell my T but that's a whole different story...) and I've realized through this forum that many people - like me!!! - interpret their T's messages negatively until they take a breather and realize they actually care and mean well. My T has done an amazing job in comforting me via email but every once in a while she ends her email with 'Be well, sjkero' ... I have never understood that phrase and I HATE when she drops therapy lingo. Makes me feel like she is insincere. Has anyone else had this issue? I'll take in her whole email, but that one line bothers me. She also doesn't use it very often so of course I always think when she says that, she isn't really there 100%. Does that make any sense?

I think things have to go like this because as Humambeingswe are constantly dismantlng and reconstructing experiences to make them useful to us. To become us.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by Cinnamon_Stick

My T always says "Take care". I hate to see it in emails because it feels like that is what she says to everyone. I like when she personalizes more with me.

Remember Seinfeld's bit on "take care"? - "YOU better take care of you because i will no longer be around to take care of you..." Kinda stuck in my mind cuz my neighbor i had a huge crush on for years ALWAYS used to say it to me

[LonesomeTonight]

Hm, my T usually just signs her first name without any sort of "take care" or "be well." My marriage counselor is very inconsistent--in something he just sent me, there wasn't a greeting or a signature, but then others start with, "Hey LT," or "Hi LT" and might end with his first name or his first and last name. I'm one who definitely overanalyzes things, so I'd be like, "Oh, he signed just his first name, that seems more personal" but then he'd sign his full name the next time, and I'd think "Is he trying to put up stricter boundaries?" But it's probably just, as others have mentioned, how much time he has to type the e-mail, whether he's on phone or computer, etc.

Both he and my T tend to write very brief e-mails--sometimes just a sentence long. So it's very easy for me to overanalyze that! I recently had an e-mail like that from my T that I was stressing over, worried for the next appointment. I mentioned it to her, and she'd meant it in a totally different way than I took it. I think it's probably projection at work here, where you're projecting what you think someone is feeling onto what they wrote. If you think someone is mad at you, "Take care" can seem dismissive. But if you feel close to someone, "Take care" can seem...well, caring.

[Restin]

I'm sure it's just a closing line, like "Best Wishes" or "Take Care". But I over-analyze too, and my inner child is always on the alert for anything remotely rejecting. So, inner child would be suspicious T means "Get well, already, so I'm done with you", when inner child can hardly bear to be without her for a week, even. I think that's what you're honing in on, subliminally, but I'm sure it's just a nice saying she does, to not be too short on the return email. This is so hard, to always worry about what T really means, but be patient with yourself and try to trust.