T retiring, had last session today...so much grief

I've known for six months that T was retiring but today was still so difficult. I have so much grief. I love him so much amd feel like we had something really special. But now I may never see him again. He had his therapist front on...compassionate but there was a bit of a wall up.He said that he has to say ggoodbye to everyone this week and I was the first. I guess he needs to pace himself emotionally because there have been times when I felt he was more directly engaged with me in regards to his own feeling toward me.

But he did ask for a hug at the end which we have never done before. I had asked him before to hold me (in the past) and he had refused to touch me. Today he held me and stroked my hair. I told him I loved him and he said "you too".

I have so much grief. I cant stop crying and wails emerge from me uncontrolled. I feel like no one in my life can understand why I am so attached to him. And my husband doesn't like him and doesn't like that I care so much, so I feel I have to hide my grief from him. But I cant hide my grief. So much loss....

Don't hide your grief. You are allowed to feel pain of losing someone even when others are unable to understand. They should be supporting you, it is hard to lose someone. I'm very sorry this has happened, it must be really hard for you. It is nice that he gave you a hug - that seems really gentle.

I'm sorry for your loss, sounds painful. For what little this might be worth, I totally get your grief.

I am sorry Chartres
It's very hard.. maybe you can keep in touch with him and e-mail him about your progress/life every now and then..?
Hugs to you!

I'm sorry too.

I'm very sorry, it's hard to lose someone that is so important to you. Take your time to grieve, you're allowed to have these feelings. When I said goodbye to my T earlier this year, I too experienced that nobody gets what you're going through. Not many people know what it's like to be attached to a therapist and to lose them.

I'm sorry too that your husband doesn't support you. Do you have a friend that you can talk too? Even thought they might not know what it's like to lose a therapist, they might know what it's like to say goodbye to someone.

It's very sweet that your T gave you a hug and said he loved you back.

I am sorry too, this must be very hard and painful but what is more painful is that you feel you have hide your grief, it's a double loss. Please don't deny yourself the ability to grieve the loss of this important relationship. It will only delay the feelings.
Are you going to see another t? I really hope you can see someone else and work through the loss with them.

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I am so sorry, yes, the pain is so deep. Not much to say, but I wanted you to know that I feel badly for you and hope easier times come soon.
Pam