Scheduled an appointment to see old T again.

I'm sure you all knew this was coming, but I'm seeing my old therapist again. After almost five months, I kinda missed talking to him. I know he's said some inappropriate things, but I haven't exactly been an angel, either.

This time he was very quick to respond to my asking for an appointment, instead of ignoring texts like he is so apt to do. Not sure exactly what I'm going to be talking about with him, but have a few topics in mind. I don't think I'll be going every week like I used to, as I think that can cause my attachment issues to go into overdrive.

I think I just missed when he was in my life before things got all ****ed up. I'll do my best to not cross too many boundaries, but I can't guarantee it. You probably all think I'm crazy, but again, that's why I needed therapy in the first place. I never claimed to be a beacon of sanity. :-/

Honestly, the first point of discussion between the two of you needs to be boundaries, verbal, physical, emotional, professional . . . BOTH of you. Yeah, I think this is a bad idea, but you'll have to figure this one out as you go. But please, start with reframing the way you two interact. It needs to be a very deliberate, conscious professional discussion between you.

To be honest after what he said to you, I don't think he should be a therapist at all. That guy has serious issues of his own and he has no scuples about embroiling his clients in his issues. I think he is not only unprofessional but harmful.
Remember, you don't have to be an angel, you are the client, but he absolutely has to be professional and not harm you. He has failed.
I agree with lolagrace, if you really feel you must go back, there needs to be some huge changes with regards to boundaries.
Good luck, I hope no further harm is done by your retuning to him.

By the way, if you aren't going into this with a strong mind to insist on changes in your dynamics with each other, you really should completely rethink what you are doing. If you are going back because you want that same dynamic again, it's a bit like an alcoholic going back for a drink knowing it will turn out awful but not willing to look that far down the road and take the responsible, sensible route. This really seems doomed to all sorts of problems.

Question you might need to ask yourself: Am I going back into therapy with this therapist because I really want to work on my own issues and goals and he is the only therapist who can do that with me, or am I going back into therapy with this therapist simply because I like the thrill I get with this guy?

you feel sorry for your part and that is why this is a bad idea. Until you recognise his abuse you might repeat this over and over. Healthy therapy can help you break apart.

winenot, what happened?

Honestly, I think sometimes we need to trust our own hearts and do what's best for us. Sometimes we will be hurt. People here obviously care about you (and know the story, I do not!), but trust your gut. I think you already have. Good luck!

This is the therapist that said extremely inappropriate sexual things to winenot. Trusting her guts here is probably going to lead her into a world of drama and in the line of fire of a very unprofessional therapist who probably should have been reported and disciplined.

I'm way too lazy to type everything out, as it could be kind of long, so I will just link you to past posts:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/psych...t-finally.html

http://forums.psychcentral.com/psych...t-friends.html

http://forums.psychcentral.com/psych...therapist.html

The phrase that keeps coming back to me whenever I think about your relationship with that therapist is "I would f*** you nasty".
That is seriously the most shocking and abhorrent thing I have ever heard of a therapist saying to a client, especially a vulnerable client with ET.

Wow....

Thanks for the links...I did some catching up. In one post you referred to him as a 70 year old man. Is he? I know a lot of men that age and their sense of humor (those that have them) are pretty off the wall compared to younger people. Like I saw you say, only you know what goes on in that room, and some people do have "different" relationships with their T's. Some are a bit paralyzed, some talk like buddies, some are very stiff, some spend their sessions arguing and swearing at each other. I would say I'm in the paralyzed group...lol

Maybe this break will help you both, or maybe it will help you decide if having him around is beneficial or hurtful. Either way, this could be a new beginning, or closure you may need. I hope if you see the same pattern forming, you'll do what's best for you.

It's a bad idea and you know it!

Everyone else agrees.

But we'll be here to support you when, not if, it heads south again.

Pam

this kinda seems self destructive and self sabotagey. i understand the allure though

I agree that we should talk about the dynamics and boundaries of our relationship...if the conversation even heads that way. I'd love to pretend that nothing ever happened, and that we can just start "new." I wonder if he will go that route. I'm not sure. I think the thing that keeps me coming back is often times I never know what's going to happen in session sometimes. That sounds weird even saying it, but...I dunno. Sometimes it's just exciting. I think he feels the same way, because he's mentioned I'm constantly keeping him on his toes. Granted, that's not healthy AT ALL. I'm surprised that he's not recognizing these unhealthy patterns.

Nevertheless, having to go to a new therapist and explain all my back stories again sounds really daunting. This T knows everything about me already, and who I feel most comfortable with talking about "life" stuff, whatever that entails...I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I know what I'm doing, and other times I feel that you and everyone else is right: It could set me back months from all of the time I've been taking to move past this. I guess I just want to see how he is.

Yes, he's about 70 years old. He has an extremely "quirky" personality and we do definitely talk like buddies.

I know it was the wrong thing to say, but at the same time, I was sort of cornering him to give me SOME sort of validation before I walked out of there. I think he was telling me what I want to hear. I'm not even sure he meant it. He was probably just trying to make me feel better about myself. I've told him before, that if a 70 year old guy is turning me down, how many more other dudes are out there will do the same thing?

Yeah, I know it sounds/looks bad. But allure is a great word for describing how I'm feeling. Who knows. I might have one session and decide he's an absolute nut case.

There need to be no IFS about it. You MUST direct the conversation that way or you are headed right back down that path.

You are already excusing his lack of ethics and you haven't even gotten there yet. Sure wish you would reconsider. This is going to turn out badly for you, I'm afraid. It's a bit like watching a train wreck about to happen. Nothing we can do to stop it. You could though.

Whoa, that's just.... wow. That is 31 different flavors of ****ed up. Winenot, I don't think seeing this T again is a good idea. If he'd say something like that openly as a therapist then it calls his sense of ethics and restraint into serious question.

This is exactly why you should try seeing a new therapist, IMO. Just to have a different perspective and maybe gain some new insights.
You've already been on that path, don't go back.

Where did this path lead you before? It will lead you there again. Maybe try a new path.

He could have paid you a compliment instead - and even then, that would have been questionable, if it was a compliment based on your prettiness or beauty. But if he had said "You are an attractive/ pretty/ good looking woman" it would have been a lot more respectful.

Believe you me - saying "I would **** you nasty" is not a compliment. It's a man judging your worthiness, of whether it's worth him shoving his cock into your ****. That's it.

This is like a therapy version of a builder wolf whistling somebody walking past a construction site.

I have to agree with the others: this is a bad idea.

Though I also understand. If ex-T would allow me to go back to her, I probably would even though I know it would be a very bad decision.

I totally get why you would be drawn back into this drama, but this is just a disaster waiting to happen. Good luck! Seriously.