Do you have higher expectations of your therapist/psychologist than you do of others

Of course not, that would be unprofessional of the T. And I would not know that there had been an emergency - they would have to break confidentiality (if it's about another client) or overshare (if it's about themselves) for me to know that, and I take it for granted that they won't.

I expect a T to be professional. No more and no less. Just like I expect any bus driver or librarian or restaurant staff or colleague I have dealings with to be professional. Being professional means different things for each profession, so I expect different things, but it all comes down to professionalism.

I dont know what you mean by that

I guess i mean do you think you would feel bad if they cancled or are your more subconscious desires which affect your expectations stronger than your rational mind like do your feelings rule your expectations or does common sense rule or influence your expectations.

There is no contradiction between feeling bad because a session is cancelled and rationally accepting that the cancellation was necessary. I believe that many therapists would even argue that it is somehow a positive thing to acknowledge that one's feelings may be hurt even if our common sense tells us that there's no need to be upset.

My expectations of T and pdoc are maybe a little bit higher than of others. ButI don't think they're unreasonable. It's their job and they're getting paid for it. I expect them to start my session/appt on time. I expect them to listen, to not judge me, to be ably to understand me. I expect them to be honest and to be honest about whether they can help me or not and if not to refer me.

It depends on what kind of emergency. If it's a personal emergency, then I would be understandable if they can't be on time or need to cancel last minute.
Now, if it's an emergency with another client... If my session starts late or is cancelled because if another client, I would feel/get angry. This might sound selfish or unreasonable, but it's how I would feel.
My T and pdoc don't work with ''heavy'' cases. At least not at the practise where I see them, so I don't think there would ever me a client emergency.

High in an appropriate way. Like any person or profession I have a certain degree of expectations based upon what they do. I think naturally my executions of any t or pdoc is higher do to the sensitivity of the issues discussed and dealt with. However since I work with psych providers I also know they are not perfect or have perfect lives. Most of them claim to be human...

I'm not sure where the unprofessionalism comes in here. Say they leave a message for you saying "I'm sorry, I have to cancel my appointments today because of a family/clinical emergency." No details have been revealed.

On occasion, when my husband was ill, I had to cancel a class or reschedule a meeting. "Family emergency" covered it fine for those who didn't know about the situation already.


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My expectations of a therapist and/or psychiatrist are appropriate, neither too high nor too low. I expect them to act in a professional manner equal to their education and training. I think it's perfectly normal for clients to feel disappointment or anger when their appointment is cancelled. Having a feeling of disappointment doesn't mean that the client is going to rant or rage at their therapist for that cancellation. It simply means that they experience a feeling of being let down. Heck, I don't know about you but when one of my friend's cancels out plans to go to the movies, I feel disappointed. I was looking forward to the outing and even though I understand that she cancelled for a "good reason", I feel let down and disappointed. Why wouldn't someone feel the same when they have a good solid relationship with her therapist and the therapist has to cancel for some reason? I don't think that's an unexpected or unrealistic response to a normal disappointment.

Now if the client is so enraged that he/she shoots off a nasty, anger infused email, filled with vitriol and angst, then the therapist knows the two of them have some meaty work to do in their next session. The only time it gets dicey is when the client reacts in a way that threatens physical harm toward a therapist who has to cancel for reasonable reasons. That might be a bit more disconcerting and require a closer look as to what is going on. But it's all grist for the mill, so to speak.

I think when we read things on here that seem unreasonable compared to our own experience of therapy or not at all how we might relate to our therapist, it's good to recognize that therapy is very individual and we all have different needs in the therapy relationship. How I do therapy is entirely different than how someone else is going to do it. That's why one therapist might be right for one person and entirely wrong for me.

Sorry I was unclear. I was referring to the question of whether I would expect a T to ignore an emergency in order to make it to my session, and my personal view is that it would be unprofessional of him to do that. (I would be disappointed about missing a session, but that doesn't mean I would think for a moment that the T should not prioritise the emergency.)

My T has only ever cancelled once in three years, and that was a week or two in advance so it cannot have been an emergency, but I think I know him well enough to know that he would not make any kind of reference to why he had to cancel. If he cancels at short notice it's obviously something urgent, but I would not want to know whether it was a family emergency or a client or what - it's none of my business. But no, I agree, it wouldn't be unprofessional of him to say that much, I'm just pleased that he's not the kind of person who would share that kind of thing.

I expect the same from
Them as I expect of other professionals who provide me with service. Such as be reasonably on time and overall be reasonable ( such as don't answer personal phone calls or be otherwise unprofessional during my sessions), I do not expect anything beyond beyond professional behavior. I agree some people do have unreasonable expectations of therapists. Not sure why.

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The reason is, in my opinion, because those people set themselves up to be. It is how they set the game up. And unwitting and trusting clients fall for it - only to be slammed by the professional who set it up.

To be honest, no. I've seen too much as to how people from a range of backgrounds (either professionals or not) act. Human nature is what it is and seemingly, from my personal experience, not many people depart from being faillible and letting one down. Sadly.

I guess that is another point I was trying to ask but couldn't think of the words until now. I guess I mean do people place such high expectations on their therapist/psychologist that they start to view them as not human like they are super or better than the rest of the humans like do you place them up higher in rank and as a result expect more from them than is reasonable to expect from a human?

Also sorry if that made no sense feel free to ask for clarification if it didn't.

I've never placed my therapists or pdocs on that kind of pedestal, and it was something they definitely watched for and made sure I kept in perspective. They were well-aware that some clients do have that tendency, kept watch for it, and openly discussed it with me just in case.

It wasn't something I've ever been prone to do with anyone, therapist or not, but it does seem to be a problem for some people.

I think you're exactly right; but we go to these people because of the incredible pain we're in. They become (at least for me this is true) a literal life-saver as I bob around in an ocean of crap. Why wouldn't my expectations be high, and why I wouldn't I come to see my therapist in a light reserved just for that person? Over time, I think we start to temper this ideal to be closer to reality, but for me it never really goes away. In addition, the therapeutic relationship is idealized by it's very nature. Who else gives you uncompromising empathy, regardless of what life is currently throwing their way?

I will always expect my therapist to be a cut above the rest, and most often, she is exactly that - as, I hope, are most of yours. Having said that, I suppose I see her willingness to accept her own humanity as a part of what elevates her...I'm ok with this, because when she stumbles, which she does, we work together to solve the problems. Maybe I'm talking in circles because I'm neck deep in ET these days...

I see my T and Pdoc as human. I don't expect more from them than is reasonable. My expectations of them is a little higer than I have of most people, but they are proffesionals.
I do think my T and Pdoc are better than me and also better than a lot of people. But that's only based on what I know of them. I've talked with my T about that, thinking that T and Pdoc are better than me. T said they aren't better than me and I shouldn't see them as better than me, but as equals. They aren't better than me just because they have a degree and went to university.
But I still think they're better than me, and not just because of their university degree. But I think a lot of people are better than me. I see myself as worthless, so.

I do not see them as super humans or better at life than anyone else. I am not much given to hero worship/pedestals with anyone and therapists would not be in the running even were I to be.

I find it very hard to trust people so I don't think I have ever gotten to a level where I didn't expect someone to let me down I expect to be let down by everyone it is just like it is always going to happen and I must say 9/10 times they do let me down so I don't think that is unreasonable. I always find it weird reading posts where people say they feel safe with their therapist and they trust them and I have always thought when people say they loved their therapist that that was dangerous but then again for me pretty much all the things I have ever even slightly loved have hurt me so it could just be me. I do wonder though how those people who say they love their therapist can have a healthy relationship with them and not have slightly skewed expectations.

I can only speak for myself, but I have not been repeatedly let down and hurt by the people I love, so I don't find trusting and even loving a therapist difficult or particularly unusual for me. I have many healthy, loving relationships in my life -- the therapy relationship is just one of them. I don't expect perfection from those I love, no matter who that person is. I have realistic expectations of those I love, including my therapist. No transference involved by the way. It's just a love defined by and appropriate to that particular relationship.

I think the idea of love is very nebulous to many people, sexualized by others, limited to romance or familial relationships to others which means when people speak of loving another person, we aren't always speaking the same "language." My concept of love is that loving relationships of many different kinds are possible. I don't have one set standard for all of my relationships; thus, how I define love in terms of each relationship is a bit different depending on the function of that relationship. Other people only have one very limited definition of how and when to use love to describe their feelings for another person. That is fine for them; it just is different than mine.

My marriage counselor has had family emergencies and had to cancel. I was disappointed but understood (he also apologized profusely). But then, because it was a recurring issue with a family member, I kept worrying each week that he'd cancel.

I don't think my T has had emergencies, but she's been sick and had to cancel. Which I also understood.

I answered "Other" in the poll because I think it depends on the situation whether my expectations are appropriate or possibly too high. Like I understand that they'll have to cancel sometimes or might be running late. But then I might expect them to respond to my e-mail or phone call more quickly than is realistic. Or I ask for things from my marriage counselor that he may not be comfortable giving--or that he was comfortable giving at one point, but then realized it was probably a bad idea (individual sessions where I discussed my transference with him--had a couple, now not an option, though we can discuss it with my H in session or occasionally on the phone).

When I say love I mean having a strong connection with someone. To me it still feels dangerous.

It still feels scary to me. In romantic relationships, including with my now-husband, when I would start to feel love for the guy, it was like, "Oh no, this is going to mess everything up. If they figure out or I confess that I love them, they'll leave." That did happen with one of my first boyfriends, so I think it just stayed in my head. Plus I sometimes felt love for people that I couldn't have a relationship with and felt like that was wrong (some of that came from my mom). Even if it wasn't really romantic love.

I'm one of the people on here who has mentioned loving my T and marriage counselor. Those were very scary, too. I have a little maternal transference for my T (doesn't help that she's my mom's age), and shared "I have feelings of love for you" with her a couple months ago, in the context of talking about my MC. That was a little scary, even though it wasn't romantic. I've been seeing her for almost 4 years now, so I've known her for quite a long time as far as T's go (for me, anyway).

MC is more complicated and much more scary, because there's both paternal and erotic transference there. With him, I shared my love feelings (he already knew of the transference) at the end of a half-hour phone conversation. He was saying he wouldn't abandon or reject me no matter what I said. So I was like, "If I love you, is that OK?" And he was like, "It's OK! You have awful taste, but it's OK." So I felt really good about it for a bit, then wanted to talk more a week later and requested another individual session. He'd said a few months ago that his door was always open to me, so I figured it was OK. That was when he tightened the boundaries, and I feared it was all because I'd said I loved him. He said it wasn't that but didn't give me a good explanation. After a few weeks, he finally admitted that he'd immediately realized he'd made a mistake in offering his door always being open, so it was back then that he'd made the decision, not post-love expression. There were a few rocky weeks there, but I'm back to feeling the love and feeling safe/secure with him. And with my T. Which is big progress for me.

I didn't expect to be completely devastated and further damaged by a therapist, but I was. I have no expectations now. I guess I do expect to be hurt further every time I see one. I don't know why I even bother. It's kind of pointless.

It think that is one of the worst things about therapy the potential for damage when it is supposed to help you i think it is because it is all such an inexact science if you even consider it science. Half the time even the professionals dont know what or why something is happening which doesnt help the people who are trying to recieve help.