[WrkNPrgress]

I know this has been a thread before but I wanted to bring this up again.

How difficult is for you to make eye contact during session? I wonder if this is not uncommon? I don't have much problem greeting my T or saying good bye with eye contact but when i'm talking about stuff, or upset, I just stare off to the right, at my hands, at the floor, anywhere but at my T. Occasionally I look up and she's almost bent over trying to catch my eyes. I kinda regret it.

I want to feel like I can look straight at her when I talk about difficult stuff.

I had a particularly self-loathing rant last session and I practically memorized the look of the couch, the floor, my own hands and I desperately needed to connect but couldn't look at T. So I finally did this on my last session: it was a spur of the moment kind of thing. I paused on the way out and looked at her and said, with a kinda joking tone, "I'm gonna look at you for a second, I feel like, I need to practice eye contact." I stopped, kinda bent down (she was sitting) and looked her right in the eye and smiled and said very mindfully, "Hi". She simply smiled back and say "Hi." It was quite simple and brief but it was a very nice moment. Like a hug but visual.

I thanked her and we both kinds half-laughed (whatever that soft giggle/laugh kind a thing is called.)

I really don't have a problem making eye contact with my T while I am talking. It's during the silences that I get super uncomfortable and can't look at him. It's so frustrating to me!

[Sarah1985]

When I shut down or if I'm talking about heavy stuff, I don't make eye contact.

[fadedstar]

Originally Posted by Sarah1985

When I shut down or if I'm talking about heavy stuff, I don't make eye contact.

Same here. Anything heavy or disturbing to me and I can't make eye contact

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[atisketatasket]

I have no problem making eye contact with them when they are talking. When I am talking, though...well, let's just say I could pick out the rugs in both their offices from a lineup, were there ever a rug lineup.

[stopdog]

I only look at the woman directly when I am angry with her. Otherwise I don't particularly think I need to do so and she is very annoying when she tries to look like she is being understanding or whatever it is - first she does not understand and two -just uck.
I have no difficulty with eye contact in my real life.

[magicalprince]

i've never struggled with eye contact in general and that goes for 99% of time in T but I know at moments of vulnerability sometimes I do get overloaded and look away reflectively. I think everybody needs to go easy on themselves, it's ok if it's difficult, that just means you care

[baseline]

eye contact is hard when I am discussing heavy things. Otherwise I at least try to make eye contact. Funny irl I have no problem with eye contact or touch. In fact I might like him to hug me.

[velcro003]

I only briefly make eye contact with her, for about 1/2 a second a few times per session-never when I am talking, usually if she says something funny.

[mg627]

My therapist and I always look into eachothers eyes. It actually feels like we can't look away sometimes. I've always made great eye contact with people though.

[Chummy]

I'm getting better at making eye contact with T. It improved a lot since I first started seeing her 4 years ago. But when I talk about really hard stuff, then I look at the ground or to the right or left of her. It's too hard for me to look her in her eyes while telling her something hard.

But with pdoc, I look him in the eyes with hello and goodbye. And in between I mostly look at the table. Or something else in his office. I look at everything, except his eyes. Sometimes I have a quick look at his face, but not much. I've seen him bent over to try to get to look in my eyes. But when I'm staring at the ground, I can't see where he looks at. Last time, I looked at the ground the whole time. I wonder how that is for him. What he thinks. I think he did understand why I couldn't look at him. But I wonder if it's difficult for him, if a client doesn't look at him at all.

[RedSun]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

I have no problem making eye contact with them when they are talking. When I am talking, though...well, let's just say I could pick out the rugs in both their offices from a lineup, were there ever a rug lineup.

Haha, I could so do the rug lineup too! And the floor tile lineup....

I really struggle when I'm talking about difficult stuff, or T is...and I know sometimes she tries to sort of get in my sight line...if we're talking a out okay stuff then I'm fine. I'm trying to get better at finding my way back to her when it's difficult, but I can't always do it. I look down, to the right, don't know why

[Cinnamon_Stick]

I like having eye contact with my T because it makes me feel connected to her. There are times when I am talking that looking at her is awkward and I try to look at something else. If there is a silence then it feels really uncomfortable and I can't look at her. I look at her as much as I can because I need the connection, its just hard sometimes.

[WrkNPrgress]

Thanks for the responses. I guess it's normal to look away during difficult stuff but I really do want to work on feeling connected and , well, trusting her more.

I also realized that I don't often get eye contact from my own Mom and now that I realize that, it drives me nuts. NUTS! So I just don't want to repeat that pattern in life.

I want to be better at looking at people, connecting with them, and eye contact is a basic thing in this goal.

[velcro003]

:When my doctor has been able to tell I am depressed, I totally avoid all eye contact. I just recently saw her to start medication, and was very nervous about it, she was all like "Velcro, look at me in the face!"

But she is super sweet, so it wasn't said in a mean way.

[SheHulk07]

Eye contact is hard for me anywhere, and in therapy isn't any different. T1 now has an office with a window, so I usually stare outside while talking. T2 has a nice painting on her wall next to where she sits that I look at. I try to make eye contact here or there during the session though. Like others have said, when I'm talking about hard stuff or trying not to cry I look down at my hands.

I think the thing I miss the most about in-person sessions is the eye contact with t. When I saw her in May for the first time in over 2.5 years, I don't think I looked away from her gaze even once the entire time we talked. Eye contact with t is for me akin to an emotional hug. It makes me feel safe.

[PinkFlamingo99]

My new one does the leaning over thing too. Sometimes I say something that makes me really not want to look at her and I'll look at the ground and she'll lean over to try to get me to look at her. I kind of like it.

Most of the time I keep eye contact but will look to the sides or at the wall occasionally.

[eeyorestail]

I have a very difficult time making eye contact in therapy and always have. Most of my Ts have been very good about it. I did have one that seemed obsessed with my inability to make eye contact and would bring it up in every session (giving me less time to talk about important issues.)

This T also didn't seem to understand that my problem was limited to therapy. Even after I told him this was the case, when I was telling him about job interviews, he kept asking me how I could manage an interview without making eye contact with the employer. But that was never a problem for me.

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[StressedMess]

I have a VERY hard time making eye contact in real life. It is SO intimate and intimidating, I just can't do it, way to uncomfortable. Nope, nope, no! So I've gotten really good at looking at the bridge of someone's nose, or the space between their eyebrows. And when I'm in T, I stare directly ahead, whereas she sits off to the side. Honestly I don't even know what color her eyes are!

I do make prolonged periods of eye contact with my children, but I am intimately connected with them so that is so different!

[samy09]

hi
Eye contact is an important aspect of communication. It makes you come across as more engaged, friendly, and confident. Also, it provides you with a lot of non-verbal information about what the other person is thinking and feeling. By looking away you miss all that. Another benefit is that making eye contact forces you to put some of your mental energy into focusing on other people, which means you have less left over to get stuck in your head and think insecure thoughts.

[Petra5ed]

I'm going to try making some cliff notes of things I want to do/ talk about and glancing at them a few times during the session... maybe I'll put eye contact on there.

I used to not be able to do it at all, but now I can, it is just INTENSE sometimes. I think because my feelings are so intense.

[with or without you]

Lack of eye contact is one of the few things in my social anxiety that I was actually able to overcome.

[AuroraBorealis75]

Eye contact between me and my T is a weird thing. Most of the time I can make eye contact and it's fine. Sometimes I have to break eye contact because I can't handle seeing all the warmth in her eyes. Two sessions ago, we were doing a trauma therapy called lifespan integration therapy, and I have to close my eyes for that. We went through my timeline 4 times, I think. In between going through my timeline we talk about what it was like for me and if any new memories surfaced, and each time, before starting my timeline, I didn't want to close my eyes and stop looking into my T's eyes. It was just so nice to see her warm smile. But yesterday I had to talk about my attachment to her (transference?), and I felt so ashamed that I could hardly look at her. Whenever I have to talk about something that's hard to talk about, that's when it's hard for me to make eye contact.

[AuroraBorealis75]

One time I was so distraught, and feeling so ashamed, and i couldn't look at my T at all. I just kept looking down, so she got up out of her chair and knelt on the floor in front of me to get my attention, to see that she wasn't judging me and didn't think I was a bad person. I won't ever forget that.