Finding the right therapist

I have a problem. It is me being too sensitive. Now whenever I talk to a therapist I expect perfection. I want them to be just right and be supportive of me and not show any discomfort or judgement.

My trauma is that I talked about several sexual incidents in front of my family several times and one time in front of my psychiatrist and his assistant and my parents in graphic detail and I got scarred by these incidents. Now when I go outside or sometimes inside the house as well I get in this condition where I feel like people are aware of my thoughts and can see my thoughts and can see through me basically. This is really traumatizing because I feel they know shameful stuff about me. And nothing helps.... except taking 10 or 12 sleeping pills to make me really drowsy so that the cycle of the thoughts are broken.

Now when I go to a therapist I wana talk about trauma but I feel like the therapist is judging me because it is about sexual incidents and talking about them in front of my family. I feel judged or I feel the therapist is getting uncomfortable.

I talked to a therapist today and she sounded really loud and insensitive, now I say that because she did sound like that. But just talking to her on the phone I now have negative thoughts about her and I am so sensitive that I am predicting that she is going to be loud and overbearing.

How did you find your therapist and how did you cope with being too sensitive?

I think it might help to remember that you are going to therapy for your own benefit, to deal with your issues, and it is your thoughts and emotions that are important there. Therapists are trained to listen to stories of trauma and whatever it is, whatever they feel about it, they will handle their emotions, and you should just worry about yours.

To be really honest, I think seeking a "perfect" therapist is not a matter of being too sensitive but of finding reasons to avoid the possibly difficult and painful process of therapy. Nobody is perfect. That said, there will be therapists that fit more or less well and if one person is too loud and overbearing, maybe try another.

I was randomly matched with my therapist by my college's mental health service and it's been fine.

I know I should just remember to care about my own emotions only. But here is the thing. In 2011 I had a therapist who worked at a hospital and I was referred to her by my family doctor.

Now she was perfect she listened to me and made me feel supported by her silence and it was great. And in the second session I talked about the sexual incident in question and it felt great and I was cured.

But alas I made more mistakes and talked about sexual incidents in front of my psychiatirst and family more and got scarred again.

So if a therapist gets uncomfortable it is not like anything else it just means that I don't get cured. I want someone who doesn't get uncomfortable and is non-judgementa so I get cured. that is basically it.