[scorpiosis37]

So my therapist has been on medical leave for a month now. After 2 really bad appointments with other T's, I went to one today who was okay. I was a little disappointed, but she wasn't bad. Her office was like opening a dusty time capsule; it smelled kind of musty. She was in her mid to late 50s and I felt a little uncomfortable talking about relationships with her because of the big age difference (she's about 25 years older than me). Ideally, I prefer a T about 5-20 years older. She did listen to me and she seemed compassionate. I just didn't feel an immediate click. If my T really is coming back in another month or two, I think this woman would be fine. However, I don't know if my T is actually coming back-- and I don't think I would be comfortable seeing this T permanently. I do, however, like the fact that she doesn't know my T so I feel very free to talk about my relationship with my T without worrying that I am putting her in an uncomfortable position. So, I guess I feel "ok" about this T but not like I hit it out of the park.

Over the weekend, my T did FINALLY write back with a new referral-- a woman who she just hired who is not even listed on her website yet. She didn't tell me anything about this woman other than her first name so I have no ability to look her up to find out her age, modality, experience, LGBT status, or anything else. I also don't know if she is someone my T just met or someone my T has known for a long time. My question is: should I meet with her too? If I don't, I feel like I'm going to wonder whether she would be a better fit. But, on the other hand, if I meet her and I don't like her, I feel like that will be really awkward. I also don't know if it would be emotionally difficult for me to go to my Ts office to see a T who isn't her. I also would feel less comfortable talking about my T to someone who is the subordinate of my T. I think it would be a conflict of interest. But, on the other hand, seeing someone in my T's practice could help keep me "in the loop" about my T's situation.

Ideally, I would like to meet both T's, but I don't want to have to "fire" the one I choose not to go with. I made a big point today about how the last prospective T I met with said she would work with me and then fired me right before my next session. So, this T promised not to do that to me and to be sensitive to that kind of stuff with me. We already made an appointment for next week. If I meet the T in my regular T's practice, and I don't want to work with her, I feel like it would be even harder to have that conversation with her. I also worry that, even though therapy should be confidential, if my T is her supervisor, she might tell her about me anyway. What if I say something my T did hurt my feelings, and then she tells my T about it? Or what if she thinks I'm too attached to my T, and she tells that to T? But, on the other hand, if she works for my T, maybe she is more similar to her and would therefore be a better fit for me? What do you think I should do?

Honestly, I just want to be DONE looking for a new T because it is taking time away from my other responsibilities but, at the same time, I would like to find someone good. I would like to find someone who, if need be, could become my permanent T if my real T never comes back.

[scorpiosis37]

Just to add:

One benefit of the T I saw today is that she was really open to talking about the T-client relationship. She agreed with me that it would be beneficial for me to think about my relationship with T, and if I feel like I'm the right level of attached, if it is helpful for me, etc. Whether or not old T comes back, I would like to take some time now to really reflect on that. I've been realizing that maybe my T isn't as connected to me or as conscientious as I thought she was. My feelings have been hurt a bit by this and I'm realizing that her promise to "keep in touch forever" might not mean the same thing to me as it does to her. I'm realizing thst the end of therapy is an END and not just "less contact." Because, right now, she did respond to my email-- but it was pretty brief, unconnected, and didn't make me feel good. That isn't what I want after I do terminate therapy. So maybe I need to re-evaluate that stuff. This T seems open to having those conversations. She might even have some insight for me on that stuff from a therapist's perspective. I don't think I could have any of those conversations with a T who worked for my regular t. But the downside of the T I saw today is that I would not get the "therapy high" that I get with my real T. I think the age difference and the smelly office would make it impossible to connect to her on that level. I also do need to talk about dating/relationships (I just started seeing someone and am not sure how I feel about her), so I could really use a T who I felt more comfortable with in that respect. It seems like neither choice is ideal.

[Bill3]

Discussing T with someone who works for her would make me very uncomfortable.

It seems like neither choice is ideal.

The problem with waiting for someone approximating the ideal choice is that while you search you are not getting therapy at a time when you have a lot that you want to talk about.

I think that therapy is too powerful and has too much potential to be damaging to risk starting with someone who does not feel right. I think that no therapy is better than something that is not quite right.

[divine1966]

I believe it takes time. One session isn't enough imho.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[ruh roh]

It sounds like you found a pretty good interim therapist for a specific purpose, to get you through the issues with your therapist's illness and uncertain relationship. I see that as a benefit right there. With some time and distance, you can consider seeing the other therapist and do some research to find out more about her once you get her last name. It sounds like this interim therapist would be a good one to bounce that idea off of. That way, if you ever end up going to the other new therapist, you've been upfront with the interim one and it won't be as awkward.

Also, if there's a chance your therapist does return, you will not have started up with someone who works for her and then have complications from that.

My two cents.

[Rive.]

I'd still interview new T for two reasons. First, you say you don't see yourself long-term with the older T as you don't think she could perhaps 'get you', smell etc. And unfortunately, you don't know how long your T will be unavailable..

The second reason is that by interviewing new T, you can ascertain what the situation is in actuality I.e. whether she works with your T or would report to her in some capacity or whether she will be a completely separate agent, so to speak. In which case, the fears -or valid reasons- you raise might no longer be an issue. Now she is an unknown quantity but she might be someone you really click with or with whom you could talk about specific issues and so on. So by seeing her at least you'd have all cards on the table for a, more or less, 'informed' decision.

Again, this is so as to leave all your options open as you seemingly don't now what is going on/going to happen with regular T...

It's good that you found a new T though.