Do you go to therapy to change your attachment style?

Some can be. I don't understand why your first one wants to be so mysterious. She must have some kind of issue with feeling a lack of power or something. But the second one doesn't seem to be all mysterious about things. I think most therapists see empathy and developing a warm relationship with a client as being beneficial to the client, and most clients respond well to that. But you have made it abundantly clear to that first one that you are not at all interested in such a thing. I don't 'get' why she thinks that she knows you better than you know yourself. My own therapist says that she will always defer to my judgment about myself. Along the way, there were certainly times that things she wanted me to do that she was convinced I needed were totally wrong for me in my opinion. Sometimes she tried to keep pushing, but she ALWAYS respected and deferred to my sense of what was good for me. She told me that I would teach her how to 'treat' me, and that it was her job to follow my lead. We would have lots of discussion about it, and she was interested in why I saw things the way I saw them. But she always deferred to what I believed was good for me. If I told my therapist what you have told yours, I am quite certain that mine would adjust herself to 'be' what I needed her to be and would not push her own agenda on me. This is why I don't think all therapists are wily. Mine is not. She's the real deal. And if you were seeing my therapist, you might have a different opinion about therapy and therapists in general, because she would truly follow your lead and would not attempt to 'take control' of your therapy.

I think it's supposed to be something that happens naturally because a secure attachment style is the only one that CAN defend against "right brain stuff"

I am no stranger to right brain stuff... all people respond to having their emotional needs met. It's something your behavior is asking for in other people, like a signal you constantly send out. Like Stopdog, on one hand you say you don't want any of this stuff but you sure put yourself in the right atmospheres to end up confronted with it.

I brought the issue up to my therapist a few weeks ago. She said what everyone here already knows--that we carry our early childhood attachments into adulthood and that it's worth exploring in therapy if the attachment style causes us problems today. For me, it does. And while I don't think I consciously entered into therapy to change my attachment style (seems to be fearful/avoidant), it's looking more and more like a big part of my problem.

I saw an equine therapist for depression and it was the horse, not the human, that was doing the attaching and soothing because that's what they do naturally. For prey animals, it's a safety thing. The human therapist was really bad at it, but I don't think she knew that.

I happen to think it's a big part of what therapists are doing when they talk about building trust. It's not not as creepy as the ones stopdog has uncovered.

for that no cuz it would be a waste of time between my therapist and I are working on the issues at hand

Hadn't heard of attachment theory before therapy, and my therapist has never mentioned it, but I figured out that my attachment style is my current problem. It might not seem like a big deal when you had good attachments in childhood, but when those are missed it leaves you feeling empty, as someone else said on here recently. When I'm able to connect with other people everything is better... we are social animals. Not sure if my therapist is employing secret "right brain" tactics, never heard of that before, had to Google!

I don't think "all people" respond to having their emotional needs met by a therapist. And sure, if one goes to therapy, chances are high they will have the type of therapist that tries to emotionally connect. But not all people look to therapists for getting emotional needs met. And people fall in a wide range of the intensity of their emotions.

I also think that there is a difference between a secure attachment style, and a person secure within themselves. I think that knowing who you are, with or without a 'secure attachment style,' is all it takes to have a successful defense structure.

Stopdog knows who she is and just doesn't seem to like being tampered with. Emotionally or otherwise.

I loooooooove Giovacchini! reading him was a turning point in my therapy. I dont know if its because he also is italian-american (as am i), but i would have my t read excerpts that explained how i felt. I was like, finally!

Sorry to dis your fave bookshrink, Hankster. I agree Geovachini has a lot of excellent ideas. Hankster, I had a good laugh at your metaphor, "T-rays." My T is a veritable cat scan! In a good way. Not to hijack Stopdog's post.

My attachment style is secure.

I think Stopdog would like to go deeper into herself, but is being wisely cautious.

I like your bumper sticker: "my other job is juggling chainsaws" "

I definitely have attachment issues and I've known ever since I first learned about attachment styles in high school. I talk about attachment a lot with my T but never with regards to her, just other people in my life. A lot of my attachment problems stem from my own insecurities and therapy has helped me become more confident and secure with myself. I'm definitely not to the point where I would say I have secure attachments but it's a lot better than it was before I started therapy.