[Myrto]

I've been in a really bad place since Tuesday morning and I'm finally regaining some strenth two days later.

I went to my session on Tuesday morning and I was a bit defeated as to the purpose of therapy as I've been for a couple of months. But that was nothing new for my therapist.
After 20 minutes of silence, she said that since I didn't see the point anymore (which I have claimed when I was in a bad place) we needed to terminate.
She wanted to respect my decision to leave, as she put it.

I was taken aback and said nothing. It was too exhausting and painful to talk.

Then she said she needed to let me go for my own good because, I quote, "leaving has always been harder for you than staying".
So I got up and left. And now it's over. She never said I could never come back I guess but how could I come back after this?

She knew how bad I was feeling and she abandoned me. That's how I see things anyway. She didn't care.
I've called another therapist today but I feel so defeated about the whole thing, I don't know, what's the point really? Is it worth it?
I felt so bad yesterday I had suicidal thoughts.

Any of you care to interpret my therapist's words? Thanks in advance.

[Bipolar Warrior]

Wow. I'm so sorry. I really can't understand why any therapist would do such a thing. I hope you do continue with therapy, though, and that you find a new therapist who can help you, someone who won't abandon you just because it gets a bit hard.

I really am so sorry that this happened to you. Stay strong.

[atisketatasket]

What was your relationship like? Is she the sort who tries to teach "lessons" by calling what she thinks is a client's "bluff"? Tough love, in other words?

This is the most positive interpretation I can think of. She may have been frustrated with the silence, but she should just ask if you want to leave or take a break, not terminate you.

And shouldn't she provide a referral?

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She sounds a little untrained and clueless to be honest. Putting the decision to terminate on you sounds like trying to dodge taking responsibility for abandoning you. I do hope you can find a more responsible and ethical therapist and I'm sorry she treated you so horribly.

[lavalamp]

I'm so sorry to hear that. Therapists are, for the most part, disgusting, selfish, unethical people who pretend to care for the payday. You'll do much better with someone else (or no one else).

Originally Posted by lavalamp

I'm so sorry to hear that. Therapists are, for the most part, disgusting, selfish, unethical people who pretend to care for the payday. You'll do much better with someone else (or no one else).

I've had two, and neither of them can be remotely described that way, and I'm training to be one and I'd like to think I would never be describable that way either. I'm sorry you've had bad experiences but I don't agree with that statement at all.

[ruh roh]

Oh, ouch. My sense is that your therapist feels inadequate to help you and found a way to couch this as something you want rather than find a way to help you through this, or at least sit with you through this. It's particularly painful for me to read because I've been in a place like this for a few weeks now and was afraid my therapist would do the same thing, but she did not. Not even close. As hurtful as this is, your therapist made a hole where a much better therapist can be.

[stopdog]

That any adult thinks they know what is for any other competent adult "own good" is horrifying to me. It is condescending and patronizing and any therapist who thinks in such terms is lying either to themselves or the client or both.
I would interpret such to mean the therapist was incompetent and rather than admit it - put the blame on the client to make the therapist feel better. Therapists are not better humans than anyone else and are just as likely to label, blame and shame the client to avoid responsibility as any one else.

[Myrto]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

What was your relationship like? Is she the sort who tries to teach "lessons" by calling what she thinks is a client's "bluff"? Tough love, in other words?

This is the most positive interpretation I can think of. She may have been frustrated with the silence, but she should just ask if you want to leave or take a break, not terminate you.

And shouldn't she provide a referral?

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I do think it was a sort of "tough love" move. But she was definitely frustrated as well.
No, no referral. It's not how things work in my country.

[Myrto]

Originally Posted by stopdog

That any adult thinks they know what is for any other competent adult "own good" is horrifying to me. It is condescending and patronizing and any therapist who thinks in such terms is lying either to themselves or the client or both.
I would interpret such to mean the therapist was incompetent and rather than admit it - put the blame on the client to make the therapist feel better. Therapists are not better humans than anyone else and are just as likely to label, blame and shame the client to avoid responsibility as any one else.

Thanks. It is indeed patronizing. I alternate between horribly missing her and being angry at her. I'm sure she has rationalized that she is helping me instead of admitting to herself that she has no idea what to do with me.

[LonesomeTonight]

Ugh, I'm sorry. Hope you can find another, much better T. My T tried to do a sort of "tough love" thing on me once (not to the extreme of termination, just refusing to give me validation on something when I desperately needed it because no one else would give it), and I reacted horribly to it. Though didn't tell her at the time, just sat sobbing in my car for a half hour in the parking lot after session. I told her the next week, and she apologized, saying she'd used the wrong approach. She hasn't really gone that way since.

Sounds like your T just didn't know how to help you. Or maybe she expected you to react a different way, but sounds like she didn't have a very good read on you. She shouldn't have handled it that way at all though. Hope you can find a good replacement who gets you and your needs.

[acceptance]

i had something like this happen to me...i walked out of the session..when i felt T was uninterested in helping me and was getting very frustrated. at home, when i recalled our convo. i saw that T tried very hard to converse with me..i was just shut down and this had been the case for last couple sessions.
I emailed T...saying how i felt hurt and kicked out of office. T welcomed me back in to discuss...and things have been going great. I just needed to be shaken up a bit...hellooo...TALK ..make an effort..!!!! i really like my T...and really wanted to continue.

just my 2 cents...!
i know how it feels...i was emotionally drained for a week...

[Myrto]

Originally Posted by acceptance

i had something like this happen to me...i walked out of the session..when i felt T was uninterested in helping me and was getting very frustrated. at home, when i recalled our convo. i saw that T tried very hard to converse with me..i was just shut down and this had been the case for last couple sessions.
I emailed T...saying how i felt hurt and kicked out of office. T welcomed me back in to discuss...and things have been going great. I just needed to be shaken up a bit...hellooo...TALK ..make an effort..!!!! i really like my T...and really wanted to continue.

just my 2 cents...!
i know how it feels...i was emotionally drained for a week...

Thanks. I do think it's definitive though. Besides I can't forgive her for what she's done. Even if it was tough love on her part. It's still ******.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Im very sorry that happened. I hope you can find someone better who will meet your needs.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by lavalamp

I'm so sorry to hear that. Therapists are, for the most part, disgusting, selfish, unethical people who pretend to care for the payday. You'll do much better with someone else (or no one else).

Although I agree that some people are awful ( of any profession), I totally don't see how most therapists are what you described. That's sad that you feel this way.

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[stopdog]

I don't think it sad to have a more realistic view of therapists.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

She wanted to respect my decision to leave, as she put it. - Sounds a little self-serving to me. If she felt unable to help so be it, but at least she could suggest other places to go to get help she was unable to provide.

[nicoleflynn]

Abandonment of a client (without a good reason) is UNETHICAL and she could lose her license. I am so sorry.

[NowhereUSA]

It sounds like the T got out of her depth somewhere and didn't deal with this effectively or skillfully.

Unless I was in danger to myself, my T has always left it up to me if I come or if I go. I've stormed out before and the door is always open for me to come back.

It seems like there should have been more of a conversation. I don't know how your T was the rest of the time and I'd hate to judge a T by a single situation (my T has certainly screwed up), so if you can look at the whole and make a wise minded assessment, is it possible that she didn't mean to shut the door and the communication just broke down? That's assuming you want to continue working with her.

If you do, maybe contacting her and saying that you weren't clear and it seems like there was there was a breakdown could help clarify if the door is truly shut or if this was a breakdown in the relationship.

Just some alternate thoughts.