[sjkero]

As some of you may have read in my other posts, I've been struggling for years with transference--beyond what's healthy. My T doesn't know anything about it. I know some of you said how can she not know, but I hide it very well, and mostly it's about my obsession with her outside of session and I can't stop.

I think I'm going to write an email tonight and get it out I want to tell her about my obsessive need to look her up online and check her facebook over and over again to see if the privacy setting gets messed up (she unknowingly had it public and changed it so I miss my fill from checking it

Here's my question. I want to admit to the internet searching and facebook stalking (and I've learned a lot about her from my years of obsessive searching), but I'm worried she'll ask me what I know and I CAN'T admit to some of the things I've learned (I even went so far to find her divorce papers on the county website so I know the date, etc. which she has never talked about--please don't just me, I can't handle it right now). I don't know how I'll answer that. Any advice?

[Leah123]

I would just tell her I was really nervous and wanted her to help me with how huge the original disclosure felt before I talked details.

[sjkero]

Originally Posted by Leah123

I would just tell her I was really nervous and wanted her to help me with how huge the original disclosure felt before I talked details.

But the thing is, I don't want to tell her the details--I just want her to know in general what I've been doing. I'm not sure how to say 'I'm not going to tell you the details.' Maybe I will down the road but if that happens it will be bits and pieces at a time.

[Leah123]

Then you could certainly tell her that. The gist, it sounds like, might be something like:

"I'm feeling really terrible/guilty/ashamed about how much I think about you and try to learn things about you. I can't really deal with being specific, but can we please work on how bad this feels for me and what's going on?"

But in your own words and way of course.

[wheeler]

Maybe you could take it in smaller bites? You don't have to share everything all at once. Maybe start with how you think about her all the time, wonder about her life, wish you knew more...etc. Then see how she reacts. My T assured me that it was very normal to be curious and she was honored that I cared and even flattered. It took me a while to take by over time I was able to share with her some things I found, and once again she normalized it for me which has helped ease the obsession tremendously.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by wheeler

Maybe you could take it in smaller bites? You don't have to share everything all at once. Maybe start with how you think about her all the time, wonder about her life, wish you knew more...etc. Then see how she reacts. My T assured me that it was very normal to be curious and she was honored that I cared and even flattered. It took me a while to take by over time I was able to share with her some things I found, and once again she normalized it for me which has helped ease the obsession tremendously.

I agree that you should just take it slowly. There's no need to tell her everything at once. And no need to tell her all the details unless you want to.

[sjkero]

I wrote the email, and gave her a good idea of what is going on I didn't get into specifics, but I feel completely vulnerable and naked after writing it. Now, I just need to drink a bit so I have the courage to send. And late. I want to send after she goes to bed because I don't want the anxiety of anticipating a response, I'll lose my mind and sanity. She's a night owl, so this will take awhile

[sjkero]

... Oh, and my email is 2.5 pages single spaced I hope this was a good idea...

[Bayblue]

How did it go - any news?