T's Inconsistency

Scarletpimpernel,

My opinion is that this t is not going to work for you. You have only been seeing her 6 months, and you said this:

My only problems with her are the ultimatum, the scheduling inconsistencies, and being inconsistent with how she supports me.
So there are already three way in which her method of therapy isn't working for you. Also, look at the length of this thread and the amount of angst you are feeling trying to decide whether or not to stay with this t.

If this the way things are going in the first 6 months, how do you anticipate they will go in the future, especially since she seems unwilling (or perhaps unable) to alter her therapy and scheduling style?

If you aren't particularly attached to her already, and if it was me, I would look for a t elsewhere. If you think it will take time to find a good t, you could stay with her just until you find someone who is a better fit.

How did today go?

I see her Friday this week because she went to a conference today.

Well, I survived, and things are okay. I get to keep my old schedule! She said she didn't need my time slot after all! And she did apologize again for all the schedule inconsistency and said it's her preference to be consistent.

We talked about me emailing her. I know she doesn't like emailing for confidentiality reasons, but she still lets me. But I need to start clarifying what exactly I need from her. She also said that I hurt her feelings this week when I wrote her that she was mean and I didn't like her atm. So now I need to practice saying exactly what hurt me or that I didn't like instead of generalizing. She knows I struggle with splitting, so my hw this week is to come up with a mantra like "Just because one thing is bad doesn't mean everything is bad". I need to repeat this over and over to try to stop the splitting and to reduce my reactivity.

She did ask me how I would feel if this "one good week, next bad week" continues lets say for a year. Would it be worth it to still see her. I didn't know how to answer that.

But for now we have agreed to continue to work together. We agreed we both hurt each other unintentionally this week. But there will be no more searching for Ts right now. And I'll be more clear and specific, and she will stop making excuses and try to provide me the support I need.

So I guess she was right. Everything turned out okay.