[Stormyclouds]

My T randomly gives homework...and never asks in next session!

i usually have the answer prepared...and am ready to talk about it.
But T never follows up He does take a lot of notes during the session...so no reason to forget.

I feel the homework is not important and he is not interested in my response when he assigned it to me. he just did it for the sake it....with zero interest !

last week he has given me something to write about and asked me to bring in next session.
The topic is personal and emotionally draining. i am willing to do it so therapy moves along. T knows more about me and the situation and my thoughts around it.

it would mean alot to me if he actually remembered giving me this emotionally taxing work to do. it means he is genuinely interested in what i have written. if he doesnt mention it...i will be hurt...and feel like i am just his low priority clients...and he just goes with the flow...
(he is fully attentive in session though)

I havent started the writing yet...i am just delaying it...like he doesnt care and he wont ask..so dont bother too much.

i am telling myself i should WRITE just for myself...for my peace of mind and clarification. leave T out of it(expect no discussion). if he asks Great...if he doesnt ...its okay to be sad about it. (this idea has not sunk in yet..i am working on it)

has ur t ever forgotten the homework...did u remind them?

[ToeJam]

Hi Stormyclouds and welcome to PC. This has happened to me before and being quite a forthright sort of person, I made my irritation plain and upfront (politely enough) and my T was fine with that.

It probably isn't a factor of 'low priority' or anything like that, T's have their own idiosyncrasies like the rest of us and for all I know, he may have just forgotten his notes, overlooked them as his mind was focused on another part of your therapy... or was just having a scatty day

If something bothers you, it's probably best to say something there and then rather than let it fester though

[AnaWhitney]

I don't think T has ever actually asked to see my homework, she usually asks how my week has been and if there is anything I want to start with. Then I usually say 'yeah yeah, week was fine, I've done some writing/wrote that letter etc' and she says 'ok, how did you find writing it and do you want to share it?' And we go from there.
Could you try something like that if your T also starts your session this way?

[guilloche]

My T normally doesn't ask about homework either. I *think* it might be that Ts don't want to take over the session at the beginning, in case you had something else important come up that you need to talk about (but I'm guessing).

For example, imagine you had a huge fight with someone at work, and got fired! For some people, if your T started the session asking about homework, they might just follow T's lead, and start discussing homework... and not end up talking about the fight at all.

So, my guess is T is trying to give you room to bring up what you want/need to, and not over control the sessions.

Have you tried bringing it up at the beginning of the session? Just saying, "I did my homework and was hoping we could talk about it!" ?

PS: My T has asked about my homework exactly ONCE. It was the week where, when he gave me the assignment, I flat out told him I couldn't/wouldn't do it. I knew that I did not have the answers he was looking for, and it was a waste of time, and I didn't want him thinking that I was going to come back with something for it. I thought I was pretty clear, but next session, he asked if I did it . Ugh.

[Chummy]

My T doesn't give me homework every session. There has been 2 or 3 times, I think, that she didn't ask about the homework she gave me last session. I don't know if she forgot or just didn't ask/wasn't interested. I didn't remind her of it.

[bounceback]

i understand this so much. My therapist would say she would bring in a paper or have me do homework or we would try a technique but by next session the following week she wouldn't even remember. In the beginning it did bother me because some of the stuff she said we would do sounded really helpful and it would have been nice if she remembered me but she has done it so much I don't count on it anymore. I still like her but unless I ask her or refresh her memory I know it will go by the wayside. The same goes if we leave something untalked about. She will say how about we go over it next week but she usually never remembers.

[ruh roh]

I have to bring it up, which doesn't usually happen since other things come up and the thing she suggested doesn't usually do much for me. My therapist always adds, "If you want to" after suggesting something, so I see those things as something for me to try if I want to. I don't get the sense she's really pushing a program on me or anything, which I like.

[Rive.]

I would ask him about it. I mean, what's the point of giving homework and, what’s more, asking you to bring it over next session... and then never talk about it?! That would confuse me.

The request to bring it in would suggest ‘we’re going to work on it’. It might be a technique so you do it for yourself etc. (but then why specifically ask you to bring it?!) Still, it wouldn’t kill him to gently inquire about ‘difficulty with the homework or issues stemming from it. The brushing off is what confuses me, really.

I would query this. Maybe he has a...justification.

My therapist has given me homework and doesn't ask about it the next session too. I have brought it up towards the end of the session as she went into "ending the session" mode. She didn't discuss the homework and hasn't mentioned the homework ever since either...

She's also said she'll give me things (I assume handouts or homework) "next time I see you" and completely forgot.

Hugs to you, it's so frustrating!

[doyoutrustme]

He never asks. Not because he forgets, but for some annoying therapy reason.

[stopdog]

I think, from what I have read, they think it is up to the client to bring it up if the client wants to do so. I have never seen one who tried to do it (and would not do it in the first place).